Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Trixxy, LPN · Jan 3, 2004

When a mother tells you, "There's taters growin outta his ears!!" believe her!! Don't just automatically think that she means he hasn't washed his ears in awhile.

azgirl · Jan 3, 2004

Unfortunitely the animal abuse is not urban legion. They sell tubes in places like Castle Superstores with directions for lying on the bed pushing the tube up rectum and having a friend put the animal in the tube. It will fall right in. Poor animal.

Big Bab's · Jan 3, 2004

Originally posted by Trixxy
When a mother tells you, "There's taters growin outta his ears!!" believe her!! Don't just automatically think that she means he hasn't washed his ears in awhile.

NO WAY!!!??........What was the deal here?? :eek:

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Jan 3, 2004

A new one:

Snorting Jack Daniels PROBABLY isn't a wise idea.

Trixxy, LPN · Jan 3, 2004

When I worked in an ENT office a mother came in with her son and told us that her son had "taters" in his ear. Snickering it off and just thinking she just meant he needed his ears cleaned, we got him up in the chair and pulled down the microscope to look in his ear...low and behold, it wasn't a "tater" but a bean that had sprouted folage. Needless to say, the little boy had to go under general anesthesia in the hospital to get his ear cleaned out. Quite a learning experience and quite gross.

The pessary line was a true experience too. While working in the ED, a l.o.l. (little old lady) told us that she had a plant growing out from her "private area". I thought the lady had been confused, but the doctor told me to get her up in the stirrups...you can imagine my surprise at what we found. I will never forget that sight and that smell as long as I live.

The erection line was true too. When I worked in a prison, an inmate climbed off his bunk to take his first morning pee...and slipped, smacking that 'thing' on the bed post on his jump down. Although, the member has no bones, the doctor diagnosed him as having a fractured member. It folded on itself. He was in terrible pain...the erection couldn't go down because the blood was trapped from it folding on itself.

You guessed it..the poop line was true too. While working 3rd shift at a nursing home, I went into a patient's room to see why she was humming and awake at such a late hour. I walked over to her bed in the dark and leaned over the rail to talk to her quietly so I wouldn't wake up her room-mate. When I finished talking to her, I walked out of the room to let the STNA's know that there was a brown alert in her room...looked down and saw

I had poop all over the front of my uniform. The STNA's told me AFTER the fact that she had a history of making sculptures out of her poop and set them on her side rails to dry.

Gotta love this job eh? :D

moonchild20002000 · Jan 4, 2004

It's a bad idea to try to scale a 6 foot fence when you are 7 months pregnant......

While running from the police......

With crack in your pocket........

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Jan 4, 2004

A 13-year-old patient taught me that it's an extraordinarily bad idea to play around on the roof of a two-story house when it's wet and there's a spade with a wooden handle sticking straight up out of the ground. It's also poor planning to fall directly onto it and have it drive itself almost 11 inches into your groin, barely missing several vital organs and requiring months of BID iodoform packings. :eek:

tymomrn · Jan 4, 2004

It's a bad idea to snort coke when you have WPW. This guy got a 14g IV.

Trixxy, LPN · Jan 4, 2004

"WPW"??

Please define for me.

Trixxy, LPN · Jan 4, 2004

hmmm

DMoon · Jan 4, 2004

Originally posted by Trixxy
"WPW"??
Please define for me.

"Wolf-Parkinson-White"--a cause of supraventricular tachycardia. Bad idea to use drugs that predispose you to tachydysrhythmias when you're already prone to them--

As one of my coworkers would say: "Modern Darwinism at work" (re the drug use, not the poor souls with WPW!).

Agnus · Jan 4, 2004

Originally posted by Big Bab's
OK, the spermacidal foam I can sorta see but, why would somebody know how Downey tastes??

:rotfl: