Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

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I love this thread!!....It has made my day, everyday since it started!!:roll

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I have been truely educated by all of you!! I never laughed so hard after reading this stuff! I always knew there were some werid people out there and now I know! :roll

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Never get a 5 year old a pocket knife for Christmas.........

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Specializes in LTC.

... or a BB gun...

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Never drink a lot of beer with the next door neighbor, then decide that getting the bonfire started would be easier if you used a little gunpowder...

(I'll admit, that was my hubby...took a while for his eyebrows, eyelashes, and facial hair to grow back...)

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Long Term Care.
Originally posted by hmccartn

Don't "decorate" your genitals with piercings, remove them, and then whine, yelp and complain when the nursing student inserting your foley has difficutly finding your urethra due to all of the extra holes in said area...(female patient who then decided to share more information about other piercing locations)...aaaaaaaah...too much information.

I'm surprised he didn't spring a leak!

:eek:

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Originally posted by Trixxy

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :uhoh21: :uhoh21: :eek: :eek: :uhoh21: :uhoh21:

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What is a pessary, anyway?

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Originally posted by Hellllllo Nurse

What is a pessary, anyway?

Pessary: A device inserted into the lady parts to function as a supportive structure for the uterus.

Says the Taber's Medical Dictionary..LOL

PS. I didn't know it either...

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http://familydoctor.org/x2126.xml

A pessary is a plastic device that fits into your lady parts to help support your uterus (womb), lady parts, bladder or rectum.

The pessary is most often used for "prolapse" of the uterus. Prolapse means that your uterus droops or tends to "fall out" because it loses support after you give birth or have pelvic surgery. This problem is usually fixed with surgery, but you can also use a pessary to help keep the uterus in place.

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Specializes in Telemetry, Case Management.
Originally posted by TraumaQueen

Jumping out of a moving vehicle is just plain stupid, no matter how pissed off you are at the driver.

I WAS the driver. It was jump out of the pickup truck or go over the edge of a cliff with it when the brakes went out. :eek:

However........40 year old women do not do as well as Luke Duke or other said Hollywood types when jumping out of moving vehicles, I looked like I had been beaten with a log chain for about three weeks!!! But at least I wasn't dead. But the truck was!!! My hubby STILL whines about that truck!!!! :chuckle

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If you are a tottering octogenerian, and weigh 89 pounds do not open your storm door if the wind is gusting 50 to 60 miles/hr...you will fall down and go boom.

Also if you are an octogenerian (don't know what it is about those 80somethings) and prone to dizzines do not climb a ladder to put christmas lights up on your roof. You will fall down and go boom.

Most important of all NEVER NEVER NEVER try to involve your home health nurse in a menage a trois by having your wife stand blocking the doorway talking dirty while you attempt to rub your genitals with your good hand! I felt soooo used.:imbar

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Do not insert a cue ball into your partners rectum, and after several failed attempts to remove it by E.R./O.R. proceed to tell your nurse how you put it in there, and if you could just get him home, you could remove it yourself. Uh-Hello? Why did you come into the E.R. in the first place? Then when you are told he will need to be flown to another hospital for removal, don't leave AMA to drive your partner with said cue ball 7 hours because you aren't aloud to go with him on the plane!

Originally posted by lioneliz

Most important of all NEVER NEVER NEVER try to involve your home health nurse in a menage a trois by having your wife stand blocking the doorway talking dirty while you attempt to rub your genitals with your good hand! I felt soooo used.:imbar

OMG! I feel so sorry for you! I hope you never went back there again!

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