Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Helori · Jan 2, 2004

This is too funny!

I used to think people were generally normal and at least semi-smart, then I became a nurse.

I've learned it's not a great idea to fix your roof after drinking most of a 24 pack by yourself. Who would've thunk it!

Trixxy, LPN · Jan 2, 2004

Gwenith said,

We don't do well at identifying the species of a brown smear.

:rotfl: :roll :rotfl: :roll

That's probably all I'd bring in with me too!!

I just thought of another one...

Never...NEVER...lean against the bed rail of a patient who has a history of making poop sculptures and sits them on the railing "to dry".:imbar

DIVINELYBLESSED · Jan 2, 2004

When you and your friend are both on medication for high blood pressure, do not decide to have a competiton which involves both of you stopping your medication to see who's pressure will go the highest! (PS. the "winner" ended up in a vegetative state)

Shotzie · Jan 2, 2004

When you are a Texas good ole' boy out for a joy ride it's not a good idea to hang off the back of a truck while you and all other passengers and drivers are drinking one of many long neck beers that have been consumed that night. The driver just may drop his cigar, lean over to pick it up and veer into a road sign.

...road signs and heads are not a good combination, especially when the truck is going 50 miles an hour ( really sad, 17 year old boy with half his head sheared off).

Any man between the age of 18 and 25 who has 2 or more tattoos and 2 or more body piercing and likes to indulge in illicit substances WILL end up in the ER and most likely a trama ICU.

The more fundamental the religion of the parents the more foul words their head injured offspring know and can yell.

Transplant patients SHOULD take their pagers and cell phones with them everywhere they go. Forcing the team to track them down for 10 hours means they just MIGHT NOT get that organ.

If the condom breaks and shreds you might want to use lubricant the next time and if that thick ring found on the opening of the condom is not removed quickly after the shredding a member could continue to swell until the ring cannot be found.

Regarding lubricant...Mentholatum does not make a "nice cool feeling" when it's put on and in female genitalia...even when you blow on it.

MrsWampthang, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2004

Here's one from my stupid ex-husband: never put a duraflame log in a Ben Franklin freestanding fireplace then get mad when wife and mom laugh at you for calling your dad long distance to find out what do to when it starts to get too hot for said fireplace! (ex was and still is a firefighter!)

Never check into ER for nausea while drinking a Dr. Pepper. (happened today)

LOVE this thread!!!

Pam:roll

kids · Jan 2, 2004

Originally posted by TennNurse
Cows may be domesticated, but very few have really had adequate training under saddle. Even fewer have ever expressed a desire to jump fences, and their enthusiasm tends to be further dampened by the presence of a passenger.

I see you've met my husband :imbar

athomas91 · Jan 2, 2004

..... do not smoke 2 eight balls and then call 911 to request "valium for the shaking".....

.....complaining to me about that cough when i had to call you inside from smoking that cancer stick - won't win ya much sympathy.....

those micro mini cars will get stuck in your nose should you have the ungodly urge to see....

please don't try to pick up that racoon - it will bite you...

icy hot and sex don't mix.....

if you have had sex and didn't use birth control - please answer yes when we ask if there is a chance you could be pregnant...

don't be surprised when i don't believe you that you weren't aware you were 38 wks pregnant....

CseMgr1, ASN, RN · Jan 3, 2004

Originally posted by pwp1289
boy was this teenager sorry------never masturbate using a pizza dough kneader!!!!!!!!!

:eek: :eek: :eek:

K O'Malley · Jan 3, 2004

Don' get a privy parts ring unless you really enjoy frequent urinary tract infections.

Be sure to ignore your post-op instructions about swimming in the ocean with a large unhealed surgical incision. After all, getting an antibiotic resistant bug in your incision, spending months in the hospital and almost rotting to death is a great experience!

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Jan 3, 2004

Originally posted by K O'Malley
Don' get a privy parts ring unless you really enjoy frequent urinary tract infections.

The mere thought of a needle going through this area would be enough to avoid it for me. OW

Zee_RN, BSN, RN · Jan 3, 2004

If you are really hungry and decide to make yourself a baked potato in the microwave, do not take it directly out of the microwave and take a huge bite. If you DO take a huge bite and find it to be terribly hot, spit it OUT...do NOT swallow it. When the steaming potato lodges in your throat, you may find yourself with terrible burns through your esophagus and into your trachea and in need of a couple of weeks on a ventilator while your airway heals.

hmccartn · Jan 3, 2004

Don't "decorate" your genitals with piercings, remove them, and then whine, yelp and complain when the nursing student inserting your foley has difficutly finding your urethra due to all of the extra holes in said area...(female patient who then decided to share more information about other piercing locations)...aaaaaaaah...too much information.