Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

nursemouse · Jan 1, 2004

Originally posted by Hellllllo Nurse
Well, that all depends on where you work....

Actually, by the end of that night, I was tempted... :devil:

Coldfoot · Jan 1, 2004

Nail guns work on body parts just as well as on boards.

Spitting on the person that is getting ready to put in your foley might decrease the amount of lubrication they use. :eek:

"Dude, that was really stupid." 'That' being the action done just prior to coming to the ER. :chuckle

Bending over to see if the dog you just hit is still alive is amost as smart as checking on the rattlesnake.

The 16 y/o male that was involved in the low speed MVA may have that priapism because of the hands on asssesment your cute female partner is doing, not because of a spinal injury.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all my patient for sharing their knowledge and life experiances with me.:roll

bergren · Jan 1, 2004

Don't run a marathon that starts at 10 am on the 4th of July in Texas on a day that is projected to be 105 degrees is you are from out of state and not used to the heat. (He lived)

For that matter, do not HOLD a marathon in Texas after 6 am on the 4th of July.

LilgirlRN, ADN, RN · Jan 1, 2004

just know you arent alone steph, cant tell you how many women in their 40's come in with nausea vomiting andit never occurs to them that they might be preggers. even delivered a few in the er cause mama just couldn't believe what was going on. what's great is when theyve been told they cant have a baby and we get to tell them that they are! got a positive pregnancy yest on one woman, sent her to u/s and daddy comes back with a pic of his 16 wk fetus... daddy dancing allover the er and showing anyone who would look.... still makes me tear up to this day and that was about 10 years ago.

justjenny · Jan 1, 2004

Hmmmm.... Okay....

Before you decide to plug in the new plug for the dryer (220 line) and the plug isn't "technically" installed in the dryer yet, at least make sure all the metal connections are NOT TOUCHING. (my husband did this) :rolleyes:

If your mother is backing the car up in the driveway - DO NOT walk between said car and another parked car in the driveway - you just might get pinned and break both legs.

If you are feeling suicidal/self loathing, do not attempt to cut off your member and tell the ER staff that it was caught in your zipper! :confused:

If your dog bites/attacks a friend/postal employee/neighbor don't respond by saying "Gee, he's never done that before." :rolleyes:

I'm sure I'll thing of more...... LOVING this thread!

Jenny

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Jan 2, 2004

Originally posted by justjenny
If your mother is backing the car up in the driveway - DO NOT walk between said car and another parked car in the driveway - you just might get pinned and break both legs.

Sounds like my grandfather. He thinks the mirrors on the car are optional.

mattsmom81 · Jan 2, 2004

If you're bound and determined to experiment with auto-erotic asphyxiation, never attempt it alone (very bad outcome here )

Don't just keep popping your Valium, Flexeril and Vicodin for severe abdominal pain. You'll be perforating and septic and may not even realize it til it's too late.

Don't dare your brother to jump out of a tree with a rope around him (another horrid outcome...and the surviving kid's life has been hell since)

Never underestimate the sharpshooter ability of an angry girlfriend. (He taunted her just before she nailed him in the left ventrical with a 22 revolver... from across a parking lot)

And one all ICU and ER nurses can identify with: If you're bound and determined to commit suicide, you need to get it right the first time. :stone

gwenith, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2004

Here are some from "down under"

If you are British and your natural colouring is a sort of light blue do not try to make up for 20 years of dim British sun by sunbaking on the nice white tropical sandy beach for four hours.

In Australia - do not handle snakes- especially do not bring a brown snake into a bar and pass it around to your mates so that they can ALL be bitten - our snakes not only top the worlds toxicity lists but also the venom production lists.

Do not throw rocks at a snake and then go and pick it up to see if you killed it - see above

A legless lizard is not a snake and does not have venom - you will not die from being bitten by one and although it is called a legless lizard you can tell that it is one by the vestigial legs.

When in Australia and something multilegged and hairy bites you try to bring it in in some sort of recognisable state. We don't do well at identifying the species of a brown smear.

austin heart, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2004

Originally posted by NICU_Nurse

Do not use your shared heroin needles to inject your diabetic body with insulin when you are homeless and living on the street. When you develop a boil that spans the entire upper side of your body and armpit, do not let your "hot" homeless stripper girlfriend lance it with the same needle. Do not let this open wound fester and rot for three weeks before going to the ER, unless you think having a tunneling wound that is deep enough for the MD to put his forearm into is "cool". Especially do not do this if you don't wish to have your arm amputated secondary to gross necrosis and infection.

Along the same lines...... Do not let your tattooed and pierced roommate pop a boil on your arce with a dirty safety pin, then wait until it has developed into a monstrous flesh eating infection that requires the removal of every bit of skin that covers your arce, member and abdomen. I lie to you not, the ER doctor dictating the admit H&P stated in the pt complaint area, quote "My ass hurts like hell!". But I not only learned that you were not to do the above, but changing this guys dressing was a real anatomy learning experience. Quoting the nurse assisting me, "Cool! You can see the spermatic cord". This poor guy will never pee/poop the same.

Also, do not stand up on your bed to see if the picture frame you just hung over the headboard is straight......with the ceiling fan on.

I do have to admit this one was me. Image me having to explain this one to my friends in the ER of the hospital I work in. Luckily I got out of it with only the need for 7 stitches under my left eye. Good rumors start with injuries like this!!! LOL:imbar

TraumaQueen · Jan 2, 2004

haha... I posted this in my Livejournal a while back.... it fits in perfectly :)

Monday, July 7th, 2003

9:03 am

A few things....

I've learned at my job....

Surfing on the hood of a car is never a good idea, considering when you fall off, you don't land in water, but head first onto the concrete. (very bad plan and deadly)

It's a really bad idea to break into a swimming pool, and jump off the high dive if you don't know how to swim. (again, bad plan and deadly)

Apparently it's a really bad idea to piss off your drug dealer if he owns a knife or a gun.

Motorcycles (Do I really need to say more?) We lovingly refer to them as Donor-Cycles

Jumping out of a moving vehicle is just plain stupid, no matter how pissed off you are at the driver.

If you have esophageal varices, it's a really bad idea to go on a drinking binge. You will bleed to death.

Don't piss off your girlfriend if she is holding a knife.

Don't wash your house windows with gasoline if there is an electrical outlet under the window. (BOOM!) We weren't sure about this one, but possibly just a cover-up lie for someone who was really in a meth lab explosion. I thought it was creative. He was positive for meth tho.

It's probably not a good idea to stick things really FAR into your nether-regions.... they CAN get stuck!

Tephra · Jan 2, 2004

LOL I am LOVING this thread! :)

Hmmm...

Don't show up intoxicated on alcohol, cocaine, or other detectable drug, when you finally get "the call" for your solid-organ transplant.

gwenith, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2004

Just a general note - please keep the language PG13!!! There is a reason and it has to do with language filters. We want this BB available to all anytime and that means keeping it clean!!:)