We've all seen the new poster whose very first post is one lambasting the more established members of the forum for lack of compassion to patients, students or new nurses, for eating our young†or for bullying. One recent memorable thread included the header I Have A Bone To Pick With Youâ€, and unfortunately was closed before I had the chance to respond to it. Nevertheless, it was entertaining, and I've wondered what happened to the original poster. Perhaps the only way to recover from a fiasco like that is to close down the profile and start again with a new user name.
While it is your absolute right to post in whatever (however stupid) manner you choose, certain topics, buzzwords and titles are likely to earn you a good deal LESS respect that you think you deserve. Perhaps less than you might actually deserve. If your inaugural post (or any one of your first 10) is entitled Why do Nurses Eat Their Young?â€, I'm Surrounded By Mean Old Biter Nurses†or Nurses Are Mean And Nasty,†I can almost guarantee that you're going to be lambasted by more established members of the AN community — unless you're lucky enough that your thread gets shut down immediately. Apologizing for the post and declaring that you now see the error of your ways isn't going to get you much slack, either as new members log on, read that first post and immediately respond. Most of us don't read the entire thread before responding. I think it's more fun to type out my first reaction, then read what everyone else has to say.
Lurking for a week or more will give you an opportunity to observe the hot button†issues and determine that perhaps starting your membership with a thread inquiring why nurses aren't delighted to have students helping them†or doing all of their work†isn't going to win you fans outside of the nursing student forums. It will give you some insight on which forum to use when asking someone to do your homework for you. (You HAVE caught on, haven't you, that we won't do your homework for you? That doesn't make us mean haters. That makes us professionals who want to have other professionals working with us in the future.) If you're new to the internet, perhaps lurking will give you some insight on using all caps or underlining, italicizing AND bolding those comments about how everyone is MEAN to you isn't going to endear you to other posters.
If you lurk for awhile, you may begin to understand thread drift†and know that once you put something out there, it's out there. People will comment on it, both positively and negatively, and you as a commenter on the thread (or even an original poster) will have no control over the direction of the thread once it's posted. That's how we get threads about red jello and white chocolate.
Lurking may make clear the inadvisability of writing a post stating that the only reason you don't get along with your coworkers is that they're all so jealous of your extreme youth and extraordinary beauty, and besides they're all a bunch of ugly old hags.
On second thought, what am I saying! If everyone were to lurk for awhile before their first post, it would cut down immeasurably on those entertaining, gotta have popcorn†threads!
Susie2310 brings her real nursing perspective into this forum, and I get where she's coming from, but I feel that this site should be a safe place to vent...something I cannot do in real life. She and I don't agree on how to use this forum, but I understand her viewpoint. I always read her posts, too.
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Thank you. I always read your posts too and find them very valuable. I accept that there are areas we disagree on.
I wonder if, for many, it's the generational difference. I have been a member of various message board communities (yes, communities) for over 18 years. Longer than a few posters here have been alive. And for me, they've always been fairly close-knit, and have really become a community.
I think that the "younger generation" feels much more anonymous on message boards - with Facebook and Snapchat and whatever, maybe they're more used to interacting online with strangers, where there is less of an "accepted group behavior" and fewer cliques.
My experience with teenagers is limited to other people's kids, but I think it's more likely in-group versus out-group perspectives. The same behavior looks different depending on whether you're part of a social group or on the outside looking in. In-group members are more likely to accept behavior from peers that out-group members wouldn't.
The differences between how people behave online and in person aren't unique to the internet, although they seem more dramatic. In the 1970s, CB radio had the same problem. People would go on CB to make racist rants, plan crimes, have sexually explicit conversations, and even masturbate. The internet is more widespread than CB ever was, and I think that's why we're all so keenly aware of the phenomenon colloquially known as the Greater Internet F***wad Theory.
I liken what this thread is about to the idea of a stranger coming into a large party of people who all know each other well, and the stranger walks up to the group and starts scolding them about their behavior, or loudly bringing up a topic that the group of people all know is something that makes people uncomfortable or upset.
I do think of AN as a community, and I agree that when you join a new community, it is kind of rude to just walk in loudly, start scolding people and loudly discussing topics that, if you were more familiar with the community, you would know were taboo subjects.
Following from the above, I think that people join AN and observe the behavior of other users differently than those users themselves do because of their out-group status. This includes the harsh treatment that people who start new threads that are remakes of other threads receive. Then, because of the online disinhibition effect, they feel totally justified telling everyone about it.
The interesting thing to me is that being cliqueish isn't new. That's what people do, they find like-minded individuals and form social groups. What's new is the disinhibition to do what, in an office setting, would be the equivalent of climbing on top of the printer to loudly complain that you don't like how everyone stands around the water cooler talking and doesn't invite you over.
Of course, in the offline world, your friends can't join every single conversation you engage in, and when you're off talking by the water cooler no one else can hear you. You can have a disagreement with just one person, with no one else involved. Online, thanks to the asynchronous nature of forums, everyone can be involved in every conversation, which is probably part of why people get dog piled on and feel put out.
I don't feel like part of the "in group" but neither do I feel like part of the "out group." It's hard to see your own status, I guess.
One thing that I have noticed is that some of the "new" posters have no problem "standing on top of the table" and screaming, but they get all upset when a) they are ignored, or b) they are told to shut up.
Is this a commentary on the current generation's social mindset?
Maybe that's part of the disconnect. Perhaps the older posters who have been involved with Internet technology longer have a different set of online mores than the younger posters do.
Much like participation trophies, perhaps the current accepted practice is to let the younger persons scream and then comfort them with a "there, there," rather than my generation's "hush that racket."
I'm not saying this to be defensive or divisive, I am curious as to whether it's a difference of expectation.
Much like participation trophies, perhaps the current accepted practice is to let the younger persons scream and then comfort them with a "there, there," rather than my generation's "hush that racket."
This is why I always say I fear the generation of kids that get participation trophies for just showing up and don't get spanked. Children now a days are coddled way to much and sheltered. Constantly given their way. And so now they think that everyone else will treat them just the same in life and throw a temper tantrum when someone tells them to shut up and act right.
One more thought. I am allowed to not like posts. I am allowed to express my opinion on said posts. I am allowed to disagree with a poster and comment on that. I am not required to clap and say, "Good job! You posted!"
If other people agree with me that the initial post is crap, that is not my fault. If I agree with other posters that an initial post is crap, that is NOT "ganging up." It is agreement.
Any time you want to see true incivility or bashing, go on a site like Yahoo!, MSN.com, or any news outlet or social media site and look in the comments. Now THOSE people are downright rude and flagrantly malicious. That kind of malarkey doesn't exist here.
Susie2310
2,121 Posts
Thank you. I always read your posts too and find them very valuable. I accept that there are areas we disagree on.