I've been SO exhausted lately! There are times where I know that I was meant to be a nurse, there's nothing I would rather be, and I feel that my job is SO rewarding!!!
.....and then there is this week. There seems to be a very large influx of patients and family members that are extremely rude and demanding!
I'm looking for help before I get burned out! There are a lot of things that patients sometimes say, such as "hurry up, you people aren't helping me (when you've been running around all night, cleaning them up every hour), etc..." I TOTALLY understand that these patients are probably having the worst day of their lives and I would never in a million years trade places with them, but I can't help but to take it personally sometimes.
Can you give me some advice on how to diffuse or deflect these types of comments? Maybe some good ways of handling some of the more rude comments that you've been handed? They don't have to be the ones I mentioned above, because I'm sure whatever you've heard, I have heard or will hear too.
I am super guilty of asking people where they are from and/or what their ethnic background is. Sometimes I've even gone so far as to ask, "Were you born in another country?" after they say a local place.
Sometimes these questions have led to fantastic discussions about their culture and their background when I am able to tell them that I had visited their country several times (I travel a lot) and ask them about certain places I've visited and some of the regional food they are known for. Sometimes they share the same background as my husband, who is an immigrant- Which leads me to talk to them about my favorite parts of their culture and heritage and usually always leads to good laughs and stories. When they tell me they are an immigrant I will tell them how awesome that is and that I have kids who wouldn't be here if it weren't for immigration. Nearly every time, it has left the patient, in my opinion, with a sense that I have a real bond with them and have built some trust.
...So.... should I not even ask anymore? Its apparent from several of the responses on here that it is downright rude- regardless of intentions due to past bad experiences- to ask people about their background.
I'm genuinely wanting to know. Making people i'm caring for uncomfortable is the LAST thing I want to accomplish from this.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
...So.... should I not even ask anymore? Its apparent from several of the responses on here that it is downright rude- regardless of intentions due to past bad experiences- to ask people about their background.
From my perspective, it is okay to ask as long as...
1. You ask out of sincere curiosity. Many people ask out of pure xenophobia, and I am not even an immigrant. I have spent my entire lifetime on U.S. soil. Once they find out I'm an African-American who was born and raised in a West Coast state, they suddenly relax because I'm presumably not one of those 'immigrants.'
2. You avoid condescending commentary or insults when asking. If some patient's family member says, "You talk funny," I find it incredibly rude. If I'm in a testy mood I might respond, "You talk funny, too. Your southern drawl is heavy and syrupy and makes you sound country."
...So.... should I not even ask anymore? Its apparent from several of the responses on here that it is downright rude- regardless of intentions due to past bad experiences- to ask people about their background.
I'm genuinely wanting to know. Making people i'm caring for uncomfortable is the LAST thing I want to accomplish from this.
Depends. If you've established a half-decent rapport with me, then I'd be okay with asking. Most of the time, I am not okay with that question. Especially with older white people, I don't like being asked that question. But not wanting to piss patients off, I answer by saying what city I moved from 4 years ago, and if they push it further, then I say I was born in the US but my parents are from India. I answer in a way to assure their, knowingly or unknowingly xenophobic selves, that I am as American as they are while keeping my dignity intact.
...So.... should I not even ask anymore? Its apparent from several of the responses on here that it is downright rude- regardless of intentions due to past bad experiences- to ask people about their background.
I'm genuinely wanting to know. Making people i'm caring for uncomfortable is the LAST thing I want to accomplish from this.
You are welcome, but:
1). Establish minimal rapport first, please do not ask first thing after saying "hi".
2). Leave choice to other person. "Excuse me, would you mind sharing with me..." sounds much less offensive.
3). If a person with an "accent" says that he/she is from the near round, it very well may be the truth. Many people got their voice permanently changed due to multiple medical conditions; many move about the USA as kids and many more just would prefer not to share any other personal information. So, if you get such answer, leave things at that.
Please understand that many immigrants experienced xenophobia and intolerance. We realize that some people, like you, are just sincerely interested, but there is no way for me, for example, to know it. Too many of us went through incredible pain and just not able to simply trust others any more. You just to be a little patient and follow the cues, and then yoyr chances to offend someone will at least diminish significantly.
"When I was your age I never would have spoken to an adult the way you're speaking to me" ... (This was screamed at me by a very irrational patient that I was calmly trying to talk down and diffuse the situation because she was extremely worked up about everything and nothing)
"You're a big girl." (I'm not terribly overweight, but I could lose 15-20 here and there.)
I straightened up and said:
"Thank you" and smiled.
Honestly, I don't care if I'm called big, but she said it to hurt, and I refuse to let her think it did. She was an older lady, and she looked confused when I pulled a thank you out of nowhere. I don't think she was expecting that. It's not like she's going to explain her statement to me as to why I "misunderstood" her. Really, saying thank you to someone who is insulting you is my best response, as it stops the behavior most of the time.
1. I had jut cut off all my hair because I wanted to go natural without processing my hair anymore. However, my ID still had my long luxurious straightened permed hair. My pt grabbed my ID one day. Looked at it, then at me.Then said...."You look better in your ID".....lol....I can't.
2. After proceeding to teach a pt why it was important to eat a heart healthy diet and exercise.... the pt said "What happened with you why you do not take your own advice?"....... :-)....the nerve.
It's funny how nurses on tv are often portrayed as mean, take no bs from anyone. Couldn't be further from the truth.. Nurses are the ones that will bend over backwards for a pt despite being shat on frequently. I wish we could be mean and tell rude people to shove it
Specializes in Wound and Ostomy care, Neuro, Med-Surg.
I work in an outpatient clinic and had a patient I was making casual conversation with. I was pregnant at the time with my baby girl. She asked me what I was planning on naming her and when I told her she said, "So what are you going to tell her after she grows up and tells you that she hates her name?"
I've had a couple of patients give me unsolicited advice on losing weight. But then I've experienced the same from family and random strangers so I guess I can't expect the patient population to be different. Still hits me like a slap in the face in my professional environment.
CTtechorRN
6 Posts
A patient's mom called me "dingy"...