I've been SO exhausted lately! There are times where I know that I was meant to be a nurse, there's nothing I would rather be, and I feel that my job is SO rewarding!!!
.....and then there is this week. There seems to be a very large influx of patients and family members that are extremely rude and demanding!
I'm looking for help before I get burned out! There are a lot of things that patients sometimes say, such as "hurry up, you people aren't helping me (when you've been running around all night, cleaning them up every hour), etc..." I TOTALLY understand that these patients are probably having the worst day of their lives and I would never in a million years trade places with them, but I can't help but to take it personally sometimes.
Can you give me some advice on how to diffuse or deflect these types of comments? Maybe some good ways of handling some of the more rude comments that you've been handed? They don't have to be the ones I mentioned above, because I'm sure whatever you've heard, I have heard or will hear too.
So many people do not realize that such "just curiosity" is rude.
I never realized people took it as rude. I am genuinely interested when I meet someone and am not sure where they come from or what their ethnic background is. I'd guess I'd describe myself as moderately nosy.
I also get asked about my ethnicity, frequently. I'm a white/Hispanic girl who everyone seems to think might be Asian, for some reason. I get mistaken for a bunch of other ethnicities/nationalities, as well. I've also lived in a lot of different places and have an unusual vocabulary (so I've been told).
I've only had one patient who I felt was trying to be offensive. I initiated a discussion about his surgical procedure and he responded by saying, "What are you- Chinese or something?" The whole family stared at me vacantly with open mouths like I was from outer space. After I answered that I was not Chinese, one of them actually asked me if I went to school in China. Odd people!
I think we excuse too much behavior because the patient is sick, in pain, stressed out, etc. It is never acceptable to yell out, scream, threaten, assault, or cuss out one's nurse. However, as professionals we need to act like professionals and be the bigger person and not let the rude comment affect how we respond. Our safety is priority and by engaging with the patient inappropriately we can make them more agitated.
I never apologize for the "behavior" that the patient finds lacking however I express sympathy and apology that they are feeling so terrible or having pain. I let them vent and nod accordingly to their feelings. I repeat their complaints. "I am sorry you are having so much pain and that we couldn't answer your call bell as quickly as you would like. Unfortunately, I could not get to your room sooner since I was in with another patient/on the phone with the doctor. I am here to help you now. Please let me know what I can do to make you more comfortable?" Using the word "unfortunately" in the sentence seems to help. If they are yelling I tell them "I can see you are upset and I would like to help you but I am having a hard time understanding what you are saying. Can you please speak more clearly?" Also make sure you are standing an appropriate distance from them and do not touch them unless they ask for help with something directly.
I was working one night a few months after our son was born and as I was hanging an IV bag, the patient lying in the bed next to me asked when my baby was due, lol. I don't know if this counts, since she wasn't being intentionally rude, and when I gently told her that I wasn't pregnant, just still out of shape postpartum, she turned ten shades of red and apologized all over the place for the rest of the night.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Yes, it is rude because most people do not ask because they are really interested in other cultures. They ask with a slightly uncomfortable "who knows if this foreigner is a real nurse " and what not.
I agree. One night, when I was working as a house supervisor, a difficult patient requested to speak to me. He complained that the nurse assigned to him was unqualified because she "could barely speak English."
This nurse was an African immigrant with a thick (but understandable) accent who had received her nursing education here in the States.
I told this patient that the nurse was qualified, had several years of experience, and knew how to provide care for him. The patient said, "I wish you would be part of my care tonight. You seem to know what you're doing more than her."
I couldn't help but detect a hint of xenophobia in this patient's conversation.
Specializes in Tele, Interventional Pain Management, OR.
I concur...let's see what happens when a member of the public yells at or threatens a bank teller, airline pilot, donut store clerk, or the physician at a clinic.
Nobody has to guess...the belligerent member of the public will be asked to leave, and the bad behavior might even result in a call being placed to the police department. However, nurses suck it up because "the patient is sick and stressed."
Puhleeze...cry me a river.
Ehhh, not a lot will necessarily happen if a "distressed" customer yells at a store employee. This I know from years of retail work prior to becoming a nurse.
The "customer is always right" mentality prevails across industries and enables abusive folks to take out their ire on largely hapless store staff.
Even as a retail manager "empowered" to diffuse challenging customer interactions, I encountered a lack of support from above when it came to shielding (underpaid) staff from verbal abuse.
All I can say is that retail gave me a pretty phenomenal training ground for dealing with "challenging" family members and patients as a nurse. I mention family members first because I personally find them more demanding/exhausting than the vast majority of patients. And I'm a night shift nurse!
That being said, my reputation on my unit is for CALMNESS. Hoot and holler all you want--you'll get a measured response, immediate PATIENT needs met. Because I've got six patients, one tech for 36 patients, and I don't have TIME for extra BS.
Sorry to sound like the jaded nurse with a whole seven months of experience but...my unit has made me that way
Family Members, who were in the stage of Anger, shouted at me telling that " What a Nurse you are, when you couldn't save our father... Are you trained enough to work in ICU???? If yes, get back our father"...'
Slightly off topic - I can't imagine standing there and watching a loved one actively crashing. I definitely acknowledge that grief and denial were factoring into their anger, and you allowing them to vent was probably the best thing to do at that moment.
But their reaction reminds me that the general public seems to believe inability to save someone's life = FAILURE on the part of doctors and nurses. Healthcare, and especially the nitty-gritty of critical care, is super sanitized on TV/in movies and the codes are successful >50% of the time, leading people to think that hearts are like car batteries that you can just jump-start and get going again in perpetuity. The concept that one's body might just be done seems to escape people, increasing their grief when the end finally arrives, because it feels to them like it shouldn't have happened. I've honestly heard stories that made me wonder whether or not people felt that RNs/MDs were capable of granting immortality. Were we literally supposed to make sure your 98 year old Grandma never died...?
In your situation, once again, not engaging was probably best. Anything you said to the contrary would have, I'm sure, been read as argumentative instead of informative, as they were irrational in their pain and decided to lash out. Approaching once the initial shock subsides and gently affirming that the healthcare team did everything possible might be comforting - knowing "it was just his time to go" lessens the blow, I feel - but do so with caution.
I agree. One night, when I was working as a house supervisor, a difficult patient requested to speak to me. He complained that the nurse assigned to him was unqualified because she "could barely speak English."
This nurse was an African immigrant with a thick (but understandable) accent who had received her nursing education here in the States.
I told this patient that the nurse was qualified, had several years of experience, and knew how to provide care for him. The patient said, "I wish you would be part of my care tonight. You seem to know what you're doing more than her."
I couldn't help but detect a hint of xenophobia in this patient's conversation.
It is amazing how much xenophobia there is. And prejudice. It is very sad actually.
It is all over the place. I work with a variety of physicians from other cultures and countries. All of them are very well qualified and excellent clinicians. Unfortunately, some patients and even some nurses tend to think that they are not qualified as evidenced by respective remarks. I had to say more than once that the doctor is excellent and very well capable to provide the care. The same is true for other staff.
Specializes in CNA 8 yrs LPN 6 geri, chemical dependency.
I had one "lady" refuse her oxy. Yell at me for suggesting it, and say she'd never take it, Like I would -since I'm a "gangster, sp*c, c*nt. Then, hand them to me and try to literally take money out of my pocket, since, as a "gangster, sp*c c*nt", I'd either take them or know who to sell them to. For the record, I've never been in a gang, I'm whiter than a loaf of bread, and I'm working on a graduate degree. She, however, was a prostitute, with an eighth grade education, who's whole family was in the Aryan brotherhood. Best part? I looked her up online. She had three family members in jail from when a meth lab . Which is why she was in the hospital, for the burns.
Was once called an Ugly Mother F**cker by a two year old. Was sooo surprised by what she said that I askes mom what she said.
Mom looked up from her cell phone and said, "Oh. She said Ugly Mother F**ker."
And when mom told me that. The 2yr old literally pointed right at me. Gotta admit I bust out laughing. Told several coworkers the story and most were appalled. Not me. Figured she wasn't mine to correct or discipline. I also didn't feel like going to battle with mom over a bad word.
Pangea Reunited, ASN, RN
1,547 Posts
I never realized people took it as rude. I am genuinely interested when I meet someone and am not sure where they come from or what their ethnic background is. I'd guess I'd describe myself as moderately nosy.
I also get asked about my ethnicity, frequently. I'm a white/Hispanic girl who everyone seems to think might be Asian, for some reason. I get mistaken for a bunch of other ethnicities/nationalities, as well. I've also lived in a lot of different places and have an unusual vocabulary (so I've been told).
I've only had one patient who I felt was trying to be offensive. I initiated a discussion about his surgical procedure and he responded by saying, "What are you- Chinese or something?" The whole family stared at me vacantly with open mouths like I was from outer space. After I answered that I was not Chinese, one of them actually asked me if I went to school in China. Odd people!