I've been SO exhausted lately! There are times where I know that I was meant to be a nurse, there's nothing I would rather be, and I feel that my job is SO rewarding!!!
.....and then there is this week. There seems to be a very large influx of patients and family members that are extremely rude and demanding!
I'm looking for help before I get burned out! There are a lot of things that patients sometimes say, such as "hurry up, you people aren't helping me (when you've been running around all night, cleaning them up every hour), etc..." I TOTALLY understand that these patients are probably having the worst day of their lives and I would never in a million years trade places with them, but I can't help but to take it personally sometimes.
Can you give me some advice on how to diffuse or deflect these types of comments? Maybe some good ways of handling some of the more rude comments that you've been handed? They don't have to be the ones I mentioned above, because I'm sure whatever you've heard, I have heard or will hear too.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I'm white, and I live in an area where whites are a distinct minority. I've been called at "fat white (bad word for female dog)" more times than I can count, and have been "fired" several times because the patient -- or more likely his family -- want a nurse with the same racial background as their own. I've also been the nurse asked to change assignments because someone doesn't want an Asian, African or Latin American nurse taking care of them. I have to laugh, because the patient who starts firing nurses and special ordering a nurse of the racial background they prefer quickly end up with the least experienced and least proficient nurses on the unit.
I couldn't possibly come up with the worst thing someone has said to me without hours of reflection, but here are some of the more memorable statements:
"If you're pregnant, I hope your baby is born dead." (I wasn't pregnant; but had just had surgery for cervical cancer and knew I was never going to be able to become pregnant. So this hurt on so many levels.) When I said I wasn't pregnant, they asked "Why would you want to kill your baby?"
"I (bad word meaning, among other things, "to strike or penetrate") your husband."
And from a psych patient in my first psych clinical: "You're so pretty in your red panties." Turns out he was the local campus creeper and had been arrested for peering in Windows. It's very possible that one of the Windows he had been peering into was mine.
Other posters have fabulous answers about how to deal with the comments, so I'll defer to them. Just know that you will get rude, insulting, personal and otherwise inappropriate comments throughout your nursing career. Don't let it get to you.
I was with a patient familiar to our homecare agency, doing her admission. Two hours in and I still hadn't done any assessments as the patient and her friend spent the whole time either complaining about the discharge process, getting the patient set up for lunch, or talking to each other in general basically ignoring me.When I finally got around to taking her BP, the friend turned to me out of nowhere and said, "You girls have no compassion! You don't understand, SHE is the focus, YOU are just overhead!" She asked if I had ever had surgery, which I have(3 times). She then snorted, "What, to have your tonsils out?". I had to step out of the room for a few minutes because she had me in tears. I managed to finish for the day and did the patient a favor by dropping her prescriptions off at the pharmacy at the end of the visit.
I was willing to overlook the mean comments to follow up with my patient the next day(but before seeing her did her yet another favor and picked up the patient's medications from the pharmacy-even though they were to be delivered in 2 hours).
It was then the weekend, and I planned to see the patient again on Monday. However-I checked my voicemail early that morning and found one from the weekend nurse manager who had tried to reach me on Saturday. The patient apparently was missing her Ambien(none of her prescriptions were for Ambien) and was throwing around accusations that I had stolen it. I was totally freaking out! I went straight to my manager and emphatically told her I was not going back. My manager was completely on my side since I'm well-established with the agency and am known for being highly ethical. She called the patient later on and read her the riot act. The ironic thing was, the patient couldn't understand why I wouldn't go back!
Just goes to prove that no good deed ever goes unpunished...
This isn't so bad but a patient's adult children once asked me, "Why would you want to do THIS kind of nursing?" with a tone and expression that indicated that my job as an RN in an LTAC was unfathomable drudgery. This has happened before and I have an answer ready:
"Well, as I care for your mother, in the coming days and weeks I will be able to guide her care based upon my ongoing familiarity with her, her health history, and her treatments. This is called continuity of care. I am not seeing new patients every shift, I am seeing MY patients every shift, and I like providing the best possible care."
I have actually had instances where patients have made rude comments one minute, only to thank me a few minutes later. I remember working with an elderly man who said something along the lines of, "God, you're a dummy! Are you sure you're a nurse?" and then five minutes later, after getting him tucked into bed, and giving him all his meds, he said "Thank you so much for all your help"
In the hospital, I remember one patient asking me what my father did. When I told him that he worked with computers, that patient's response was, "No wonder you're so effed (only he used the actual word) up!"
Another time, I was trying to perform a test on a patient who had her dog with her and refused to move or let anyone else hold her dog. The dog got snappy with me, and almost bit me. When the PCA offered to hold the dog while I did the procedure, the patient's response was, "If she gets bit, she gets bit."
Although it is hard, I try to remind myself that these patients are not feeling like themselves and that if they were, they would not be making these remarks. I remind myself that they have some sort of illness affecting their judgment. In the case of the dog, I really was not happy, because my own safety was at risk, but I tried to convince myself that the dog was providing comfort to the patient and if the dog was not there, I may not be able to help the patient at all.
I would have said I'd be back when the dog was moved. Why do I have to be bitten becaue the pt has to have her dog there? What if you actually had been bitten? What them? And suppose it was a serious bite and you had to take time off work, etc. Would you have been so magnanimous then?
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I would have said I'd be back when the dog was moved. Why do I have to be bitten becaue the pt has to have her dog there? What if you actually had been bitten? What them? And suppose it was a serious bite and you had to take time off work, etc. Would you have been so magnanimous then?
Nope. Not doing care with the patient's ill-controlled dog there. I'm surprised that there's even a place that would allow the dog to be present. Seems the dog -- or the patient and the dog -- should have been removed the minute there was the question of a problem.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Nope. Not doing care with the patient's ill-controlled dog there. I'm surprised that there's even a place that would allow the dog to be present. Seems the dog -- or the patient and the dog -- should have been removed the minute there was the question of a problem.
Yep. At the last facility where I worked, animals were not permitted indoors due to infection control issues. Patients and families who wanted to visit a beloved pet had to do so outdoors on the breezeway or in the parking lot.
Specializes in M/S, Pulmonary, Travel, Homecare, Psych..
Is seeing why her attempts to convince her boss she needs a seeing eye cat are so swiftly dismissed.
I'm a little afraid oof dogs. I would have refused to deal with it. And I'd of had no choice in the matter regardless of how much they told me 'Just deal with it.'
I did ER for years, so I can't even tell you all the things people said to me. Most of them were black, like me, so I didn't get a lot of racist stuff, but when I first moved to PACU, I recovered this guy that was sleeping the entire time I did his initial assessment. As I listened to his lungs, felt his pedal pulses, checked his catheter and all I noticed no less than 60 Neo Nazi tattoos on his body. I mean, down to his freaking toes! Every nook and cranny was tatted with a swastika or some vile saying. It was such an awkward feeling. My white coworkers offered to take him and recover him and I declined...I was going to see this through. He woke up and was quiet. Not really rude at all. I brought his wife in to help him get dressed and leave since it was after normal hours and SHE was super sweet. I still don't get it, to this day! It was the most awkward situation I have been in as a nurse. I have a hard time believing someone THAT committed to racism just changed overnight. His ENTIRE Chest said "WHITE PRIDE"!! From Axillae to Axillae and umbilicus to clavicle. I still don't get it.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I did ER for years, so I can't even tell you all the things people said to me. Most of them were black, like me, so I didn't get a lot of racist stuff, but when I first moved to PACU, I recovered this guy that was sleeping the entire time I did his initial assessment. As I listened to his lungs, felt his pedal pulses, checked his catheter and all I noticed no less than 60 Neo Nazi tattoos on his body. I mean, down to his freaking toes! Every nook and cranny was tatted with a swastika or some vile saying. It was such an awkward feeling. My white coworkers offered to take him and recover him and I declined...I was going to see this through. He woke up and was quiet. Not really rude at all. I brought his wife in to help him get dressed and leave since it was after normal hours and SHE was super sweet. I still don't get it, to this day! It was the most awkward situation I have been in as a nurse. I have a hard time believing someone THAT committed to racism just changed overnight. His ENTIRE Chest said "WHITE PRIDE"!! From Axillae to Axillae and umbilicus to clavicle. I still don't get it.
I don't get it either, although my best friend attempted to explain it to me. Her daughter is dating the son of a former white supremecist. Dad is covered with offensive ink from the back of his head to is toes. Apparently he acquired the ink when he was young, stupid and living on an Aryan Nations compound with HIS parents. When he got a little older, he started to question what he'd always taken for granted and left the compound, disassociated himself with his parents and siblings and started down a different path. But the tattoos remain -- partly because he can't afford the time or the money to have them removed or altered and partly to remind himself of how stupid or ignorant he once was. I haven't met the guy, and have no right to an opinion. But I imagine it's a horrible punishment for his youthful offenses, having everyone he meets judge him by the ink he acquired then.
Was called the 'N' word then told "you better be lucky we don't have slavery anymore!!" [emoji33][emoji15] then they B52'd her lol
Omg that is terrible! But I am not that surprised. Those psych patients - when they are in crisis their guard is way down. See it all the time with our African American security officers.
I once took care of a young guy in DKA who when I adjusted his gown while doing an assessment noticed a large swastika tatooed on his chest. I would not be considered white by his standards and am on the list of people who those with swastikas do not like very much. I was on my best behavior. Funny thing is he would never have guessed in a million years who I was yet he belongs to a group who claims abhorrence to me.
Not the rudest, but the latest. "How long have you been a nurse?". I respond 6 months. "It shows". Same pt was upset bc her ice melted when I brought her water.
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
I'm white, and I live in an area where whites are a distinct minority. I've been called at "fat white (bad word for female dog)" more times than I can count, and have been "fired" several times because the patient -- or more likely his family -- want a nurse with the same racial background as their own. I've also been the nurse asked to change assignments because someone doesn't want an Asian, African or Latin American nurse taking care of them. I have to laugh, because the patient who starts firing nurses and special ordering a nurse of the racial background they prefer quickly end up with the least experienced and least proficient nurses on the unit.
I couldn't possibly come up with the worst thing someone has said to me without hours of reflection, but here are some of the more memorable statements:
"If you're pregnant, I hope your baby is born dead." (I wasn't pregnant; but had just had surgery for cervical cancer and knew I was never going to be able to become pregnant. So this hurt on so many levels.) When I said I wasn't pregnant, they asked "Why would you want to kill your baby?"
"I (bad word meaning, among other things, "to strike or penetrate") your husband."
And from a psych patient in my first psych clinical: "You're so pretty in your red panties." Turns out he was the local campus creeper and had been arrested for peering in Windows. It's very possible that one of the Windows he had been peering into was mine.
Other posters have fabulous answers about how to deal with the comments, so I'll defer to them. Just know that you will get rude, insulting, personal and otherwise inappropriate comments throughout your nursing career. Don't let it get to you.