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Spouse of nurse

Nurses   (10,817 Views | 117 Replies)

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L-ICURN has 8 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in ICU.

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4 minutes ago, martymoose said:

 

Oh and about fairness; I am expected to do all the house chores ,because otherwise they don’t get done period.He (spouse)has no qualms of leaving dirty dishes stacked up for a week or more.

Martymoose, you don't owe anyone an explanation. 

It's time for a sitdown with the spouse. If he won't listen, see a counselor. 

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in 17 years we've gone from equal salary, to him supporting the household when I went to nursing school, to me supporting the household when he started a business, and due to the salary inequality in America I make double his salary...doesn't matter...its not his/mine its ours.  

Oh and we had to file bankruptcy when the business didn't work out.  It did not affect his ability to get a job with the federal government recently

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Hoosier_RN has 20 years experience as a MSN and specializes in LTC, home health, hospice, ICU, ER, dialysis.

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4 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:

You have turned into a mother rather than a wife. You will be giving him pocket money (allowance) next. 😉

 

He always asks how much can he spend, so I loved this comment because it's so close to the truth! Then of course, he complains if there's not a lot to spend for him...

If he did some of the housework or something to be at 50%, I could cope better. But he thinks that's women's work. To say I'm not super happy is an understatement. I get where OP is coming from if this is her same line of thought, but some comments make me wonder

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LibraSunCNM has 10 years experience as a MSN and specializes in OB.

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1 hour ago, Hoosier_RN said:

He always asks how much can he spend, so I loved this comment because it's so close to the truth! Then of course, he complains if there's not a lot to spend for him...

If he did some of the housework or something to be at 50%, I could cope better. But he thinks that's women's work. To say I'm not super happy is an understatement. I get where OP is coming from if this is her same line of thought, but some comments make me wonder

How and why in the world do you put up with that?  Genuinely asking out of concern, not trying to be snide.  Hugs to you regardless.

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But he thinks that's women's work.

It's really disgusting that any woman in our society has to fight that ridiculous point of view.

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Hoosier_RN has 20 years experience as a MSN and specializes in LTC, home health, hospice, ICU, ER, dialysis.

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5 hours ago, LibraSunCNM said:

How and why in the world do you put up with that?  Genuinely asking out of concern, not trying to be snide.  Hugs to you regardless.

Because I was married before and I was ostracized by my family when it ended, although he had beaten me nearly to death.  I waited until my sons were grown and gone to even date, then remarry.  The one time I went to my mom to try to vent, she told me that I was a failure in my 1st marriage, it was no shock that I was a failure in this one as well.  My dad just told me that as my husband, he has that right (1950s calling!).  No emotional support from family, I just go on daily regretting. I also realize that he doesn't beat me-I was severely physically and mentally abused in my prior marriage-as I've posted on here more than once.  I'm thankful for that 1 small thing and realize it could be worse.  Also, having spoken to a divorce attorney in my area, I found that with my pay, I would most likely have to pay alimony as well as most of the bills. Just not worth it to me

Hugs accepted ❤️

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LibraSunCNM has 10 years experience as a MSN and specializes in OB.

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1 hour ago, Hoosier_RN said:

Because I was married before and I was ostracized by my family when it ended, although he had beaten me nearly to death.  I waited until my sons were grown and gone to even date, then remarry.  The one time I went to my mom to try to vent, she told me that I was a failure in my 1st marriage, it was no shock that I was a failure in this one as well.  My dad just told me that as my husband, he has that right (1950s calling!).  No emotional support from family, I just go on daily regretting. I also realize that he doesn't beat me-I was severely physically and mentally abused in my prior marriage-as I've posted on here more than once.  I'm thankful for that 1 small thing and realize it could be worse.  Also, having spoken to a divorce attorney in my area, I found that with my pay, I would most likely have to pay alimony as well as most of the bills. Just not worth it to me

Hugs accepted ❤️

I'm very sorry to hear that.  I hope you find happiness, either with or without him.

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GraduateRN2016 has 4 years experience as a BSN and specializes in Pediatric, Med Surg Oncology.

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I’m surprised about that being an issue now that you’re making more money than your spouse. It shouldn’t be MY money and HIS money. Combine the income and work with that and if needed, you both could look into getting some hours elsewhere. My spouse makes more than I do and still it is OUR money in one account to pay bills. If you truly love your spouse, look at this as OUR instead of individually. Good luck in everything 

Edited by GraduateRN2016

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Alex_RN has 5 years experience as a BSN.

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Living expenses went up and you are both feeling the pinch. I suggest you work on budgeting together. Is your spouse working full time? Maybe there are ways to increase his salary in their current job? Or maybe look for a better job? Hard to do in your 50's plus there is something to be said for stability. 

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TriciaJ has 39 years experience as a RN and specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

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On 9/20/2019 at 2:54 AM, It'sYaGirlK said:

I feel like we’re saying the same thing just differently.. How can *WE* have bills if I’m the only one paying them? I totally actually agree to everyone who quoted me.. only thing I’m saying is as a woman I don’t care if I make more than my spouse as long as everything still equal.. I do not care to work myself into the ground to hustle and bustle to provide security for the family alone.. it needs to be an equal thing regardless of who makes more.. so that way if one were to get sick or fall on a hardship money will be saved to foot the bills and secure us without any resentment... 

I agree that it should be OUR money and OUR bills but it doesn't always work out that way.  In some marriages it works out to YOUR paycheque, YOUR bills, by MY limitless spending money.  If MartyMoose is dealing with that, I totally sympathize.

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Alex_RN has 5 years experience as a BSN.

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Not the money but the effort: I would be very unhappy, too, if I felt that my spouse wasn't working as hard as me.

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ocean.baby has 25 years experience and specializes in corrections and LTC.

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This is a tough one, isn't it?  I don't think that your spouse should have to return to school at this point in life.  I also don't think that it should be a my income/your income situation as that is just going to make things worse. 

Is he happy in his job?  Does he have profit sharing, a 401K?  I would much rather be with someone who is happy in their job and makes less than someone who makes more money but hates their job and of course that carries over into their personal life. 

What expenses can you cut?  Can you have a cheaper cell phone plan, a cheaper cable bill?  I run my errands on my way home from work so that I don't have to go as much on my days off and thus save money spent on gas.  I do not mean this critically at all - maybe you should go to counseling and talk to a professional, someone who does not know either of you and is not biased.  That will help you realize if there are other things going on that you are unhappy with.  Money may be the easy thing to blame it on.  I wish both of you the best of luck and happiness in the future!

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