Sooooo done with the verbal abuse!

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Can I just say that I have had it up to HERE (you can't see how high "here" is, but trust me, it's HIGH, haha) with visitors bossing me and other nurses and techs around and verbally abusing us when they don't get what they want exactly when they want it??

Before I say anything else, I have already thought of all possible excuses for her feelings, and NONE of them give her (or anyone) the right to treat another person the way she treated me. I won't get specific about what was said, but I think you'll get the gist.

So I was lead tonight, and this lady came out and demanded that someone do something for her husband. Another RN asked me something about it, and I answered her. Both the RN and the visitor misunderstood what I said. The RN didn't help things by not letting me clarify, and she stomped off ****** at me, thinking I refused to do what she asked me to. But the best part is, the pt's wife went completely ballistic on me, would not let me explain what I meant, berated me to the point where I was almost in tears (and I NEVER cry). I did end up crying when I talked to the other RN and told her I didn't appreciate her treating me the way she did. I tried to apologize to pt's wife for not being clear 3 different times, and each time she cut me off before I could even finish a sentence. The best part is, if they would have let me clarify what I meant in the first place, I could have done what she wanted 10 minutes sooner. Instead, she didn't let me say anything, and basically told me that I should not be a nurse and how terrible I am (all from ONE sentence that she misunderstood, or maybe I didn't communicate clearly!!!!!) and that she will be "talking to my superiors about me". Also told me I better stay away from that room. I have never even met her or her husband before!! WTH?????? I am so sick of ******* CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is this considerd okay???

:banghead: :argue: :angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire

Specializes in ED, ICU, PSYCH, PP, CEN.

I have gotten off shift a few times lately bleeding from every oriface because people are really getting bad. It seems also that in the last few months we have an ever increasing number of drug seekers, psyches and ETOH.

I wonder if it correlates with the economy

I had a "daughter" of patient the other day that screamed and screamed at me cause doctor hadn't come in yet. I asked her to please let the doctor know of her unhappiness with our service. When the doctor did finally come in she was all smiles and happiness. Makes me want to puke!

I did call her on it and ask her why she didn't complain to the doctor. She had no answer.

Found out later that because this chick is a vet tech she thinks she is qualified to start IVs on her family, and apparently takes equiptment home from her job to do so.

And this is the population I am supposed to be sucking up to to make press ganey happy. Puhleeeese

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Wow, that daughter sounds like a nut job... and a thief!

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It's considered "ok" because that person is not professionally trained to handle stress and illness. It is considered "ok" because you are in fact the trained professional. Im not being hard on you, I understand that there is only so much any person can take. The RN was wrong not to support you. Her actions are not "ok". I feel for you because any one of us could be in that or a similar situation. Sometimes though when a person is upset as clearly this woman was...it is best to be quiet and allow them to vent if you will, to blow off the frustrations of having to live w/o the person being the same person they knew. What was it we learned in nursing school, it was called empathy. As time goes on....... you will come to know that it isnt personal or directed at you although you are the one in closest striking distance. Ive been in other similar careers and have been where you are right now. I cried many times in the past. Im sorry you had to experience this but it just an experience. Im wishing you well and I support you all the way. Good luck but I know youll be fine. As for that RN, she should have known better and supported you. She is the one I would take issue with. Im not sure about this but maybe you could speak to a social worker about this patient's family, maybe that will help her ....

It is not just an experience. She is in mortal fear for her very job. Plus, she is at an unfair advantage. The customer is always right these days. Therefore, this nurse is to blame, whether she is or not.

As for empathy, a lot of nurses are just so tired of having to take care of everyone else in their painful times but never getting taken care of, never getting a fair shake. We are assumed guilty of whatever the families charge and that is not right.

Best approach - say very, very little. Just do whatever you can to appease and then get out of their reach. :devil:

Think of winning lottery numbers to play. :jester:

Make a voodoo doll? :no: :eek: Well, only in your imagination but even that might help.

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One of the things I do when people go off on me, is say absolutely NOTHING. I just stand there very calmly and let them yell. and yell. If they pause I just continue to say nothing, and people will always say something to fill a vacuum so they start yelling again. After awhile, what invariably happens is that their initial outrage is spent but they're still yelling and then they start to hear themselves rant. But they're still ranting but now they're hearing themselves rant. And when there's complete silence from the opposition the ranting becomes too much even for themselves, and thene they start to calm down because they start to embarrass themselves. Pretty soon they calm down and even apologize. It doesn't always work but when it does it's great.

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Sometimes though when a person is upset as clearly this woman was...it is best to be quiet and allow them to vent if you will, to blow off the frustrations of having to live w/o the person being the same person they knew. What was it we learned in nursing school, it was called empathy. As time goes on....... you will come to know that it isnt personal or directed at you although you are the one in closest striking distance.

In this case, it absolutely WAS personal. I don't know what happened that ****** her off so much before all this happened. The anger ws not originally directed at me, but the attack was ABSOLUTELY personal. To tell someone that they should not be allowed to be working with patients because they are completely uncompassionate, not empathetic, and cannot possibly understand what they are going through, and that they will be talking to the supervisor about it and hope "something will come of it" - that is personal. And I didn't say anything - I just let her rant. Every time I thought she was done, I tried to apologize for the misunderstanding of what I said. I did that because I was the lead, and part of what I am supposed to do is make sure everyone is happy. I didn't want her leaving the hospital ****** off - like I said, I truly cared about the situation, despite what she said to me.

As her husband's RN, I don't think there would have been a problem, but if there was, I would have put my foot down and let her stay ****** and let the lead RN handle it. Well, I wasn't his nurse, and I was the lead. She literally started screaming within about 30 seconds of coming out of the room, screamed at me personally (!!!) for about 3 minutes, and then told me to stay away and left. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't for the fact that I basically have no defense here since the customer is always right. Like I said, I wouldn't be so upset if I had actually done anything wrong - sometimes my mouth goes before my brain can stop it - but in this case, I didn't.

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Its all about boundaries - rudeness abounds across every part of our society. We can do nothing about that. However, we can do something about how we react. I'm old and mean now and won't tolerate verbal (or physical) abuse. Like above poster stated, say: "I see you are very upset. I will give you some time to collect yourself and then I'll be back." I then walk away. If they follow, I turn sharply around and state: "please calm yourself before you force me to call for security (or police) because I feel threatened." That puts the ball squarely in their court. I never tolerate verbal abuse. The times where I have been verbally or physically threatened, I call the police and press charges.

yep, i sooo agree with trauma's post.

when she started following you, she crossed the line.

that is harrassment, intimidation and irrational behavior...

which would warrant security/outside intervention.

enough is enough is enough.

PERIOD.

sorry, miko.

i also like co2's glassy-eyed, dissociative response...

followed with the gutteral, low-toned "enough, lady or i'll call the cops".

heh.

nut job.

leslie

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I feel for you. Some people are simply unable to handle their emotions and some certain situations prevent people from thinking rationally. Some people panick when they think their loved one is in distress or needs help right away. It's not about you. That's what I keep thinking to myself when I get verbally abused by anyone. I'll put up with it for a couple seconds but there is only so much I'm willing to stand around and take.

After that, I'll set up and maintain professional boundaries. Being yelled at and demeaned prevents me from doing my job effectively and other patients and families are counting on me to perform at my best. I have kicked family members out of a patients room and have had to kick someone off the unit too. I tell them it's nothing personal. It's just not a good time for them to be there right now and they aren't helping anyone.

Yep, some people are weird but we're the professionals.

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

Sometimes, the patients we care for SUCK. Can't put it any simpler than that, unless I get a ticket for the cuss words I can think of...but I respect my moderators too much for that...LOL

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You know, I get tired of being told, "but we're the professionals." The problem is, we're NOT. At least in the eyes of the patients and their families that pull this kind of mess. Because 9/10 times, they don't pull this mess with people they see as "professional" ie, the MDs. No, they save it for the servants that are "below" them and there to fetch them coffee and narcotics. They wouldn't DARE talk to the MD like that, because they have respect for the MD. It's not because they're stressed that they act like this, it's a lack of respect for the nursing staff. And the "customer is always right even if the customer is 30 years old and wants to lay in bed for 3 days and catch pneumonia after his appendectomy instead of ambulating" culture is encouraging it. We no longer have the freedom to be the "bad guy" that the patients often need, because hospitals have told the patients that we're waitresses with narcotics here to make sure their stay is pleasant, not professionals there to make them healthy. It's not good for the patients and it's definitely not good for nurses.

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Specializes in med/surg, psych, public health.
One of the things I do when people go off on me, is say absolutely NOTHING. I just stand there very calmly and let them yell. and yell. If they pause I just continue to say nothing, and people will always say something to fill a vacuum so they start yelling again. After awhile, what invariably happens is that their initial outrage is spent but they're still yelling and then they start to hear themselves rant. But they're still ranting but now they're hearing themselves rant. And when there's complete silence from the opposition the ranting becomes too much even for themselves, and thene they start to calm down because they start to embarrass themselves. Pretty soon they calm down and even apologize. It doesn't always work but when it does it's great.

Have you ever felt like you had to stifle a laugh while standing there silently? :wink2:

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Specializes in ICU.

we have a frequent flyer with a son who thinks the way to getting good care for his mom is to scream, berate and threaten to sue at the top of his lungs. he tried it once with me......only once.....and by the time i was done with him, he apologized (quietly) and tried making a joke to diminish his outrageous behavior saying....i'm sure you hear this allot. i agreed but added i don't get paid nearly enough to put up with it even once. :smokin:

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Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.
we have a frequent flyer with a son who thinks the way to getting good care for his mom is to scream, berate and threaten to sue at the top of his lungs. he tried it once with me......only once.....and by the time i was done with him, he apologized (quietly) and tried making a joke to diminish his outrageous behavior saying....i'm sure you hear this allot. i agreed but added i don't get paid nearly enough to put up with it even once. :smokin:

What did you say to him?

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