Sooooo done with the verbal abuse!

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Can I just say that I have had it up to HERE (you can't see how high "here" is, but trust me, it's HIGH, haha) with visitors bossing me and other nurses and techs around and verbally abusing us when they don't get what they want exactly when they want it??

Before I say anything else, I have already thought of all possible excuses for her feelings, and NONE of them give her (or anyone) the right to treat another person the way she treated me. I won't get specific about what was said, but I think you'll get the gist.

So I was lead tonight, and this lady came out and demanded that someone do something for her husband. Another RN asked me something about it, and I answered her. Both the RN and the visitor misunderstood what I said. The RN didn't help things by not letting me clarify, and she stomped off ****** at me, thinking I refused to do what she asked me to. But the best part is, the pt's wife went completely ballistic on me, would not let me explain what I meant, berated me to the point where I was almost in tears (and I NEVER cry). I did end up crying when I talked to the other RN and told her I didn't appreciate her treating me the way she did. I tried to apologize to pt's wife for not being clear 3 different times, and each time she cut me off before I could even finish a sentence. The best part is, if they would have let me clarify what I meant in the first place, I could have done what she wanted 10 minutes sooner. Instead, she didn't let me say anything, and basically told me that I should not be a nurse and how terrible I am (all from ONE sentence that she misunderstood, or maybe I didn't communicate clearly!!!!!) and that she will be "talking to my superiors about me". Also told me I better stay away from that room. I have never even met her or her husband before!! WTH?????? I am so sick of ******* CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is this considerd okay???

:banghead: :argue: :angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire

Specializes in ICU.

Miko, I hear you. Had a very similar thing happen to me yesterday, and the stinking management backed up the family. All because I tried to protect the patient's right to privacy. And then got my butt chewed in the nurses' station afterward by the boss to the point where I was in tears. :bluecry1: So we've just rewarded the family's crappy, abusive behavior, by caving in. :banghead:

I cannot believe that we are expected to tolerate verbal abuse in the name of customer service. Really disillusioned me - I thought I worked for a company that was better than most about how they treated the nurses. :banghead:

And people wonder why there's a nursing shortage. :flmngmd:

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Miko, I was only giving you food for thought. It would be easy to simply say she was wrong for getting upset but that doesnt help anyone really. Of course I support you, Im a nurse too. Certainly I would not take kindly to anyone treating me that way either , been there done that already...So like I said I was only giving food for thought which is :twocents:only my cents worth. Hope things get better for you.

In this case, it absolutely WAS personal. I don't know what happened that ****** her off so much before all this happened. The anger ws not originally directed at me, but the attack was ABSOLUTELY personal. To tell someone that they should not be allowed to be working with patients because they are completely uncompassionate, not empathetic, and cannot possibly understand what they are going through, and that they will be talking to the supervisor about it and hope "something will come of it" - that is personal. And I didn't say anything - I just let her rant. Every time I thought she was done, I tried to apologize for the misunderstanding of what I said. I did that because I was the lead, and part of what I am supposed to do is make sure everyone is happy. I didn't want her leaving the hospital ****** off - like I said, I truly cared about the situation, despite what she said to me.

As her husband's RN, I don't think there would have been a problem, but if there was, I would have put my foot down and let her stay ****** and let the lead RN handle it. Well, I wasn't his nurse, and I was the lead. She literally started screaming within about 30 seconds of coming out of the room, screamed at me personally (!!!) for about 3 minutes, and then told me to stay away and left. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't for the fact that I basically have no defense here since the customer is always right. Like I said, I wouldn't be so upset if I had actually done anything wrong - sometimes my mouth goes before my brain can stop it - but in this case, I didn't.

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Some people panick when they think their loved one is in distress or needs help right away. It's not about you.

I could understand if the pt was in distress - but even then, rather than screaming at me in the station, you would have thought she would have wanted me in the room rather than telling me that I personally am a terrible person. I don't want to give too much detail, but what he wanted was just about as high on the actual priority list as someone who needed a new comb, or maybe some chapstick.

As stated before, I know the original emotions were not directed at me, but it was a PERSONAL attack. The things she said were awful, and directed at absolutely nobody but me. I think I would have been less shocked (but way more angry) if she had slapped me in the face.

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Miko, I hear you. Had a very similar thing happen to me yesterday, and the stinking management backed up the family. All because I tried to protect the patient's right to privacy. And then got my butt chewed in the nurses' station afterward by the boss to the point where I was in tears. :bluecry1: So we've just rewarded the family's crappy, abusive behavior, by caving in. :banghead:

I cannot believe that we are expected to tolerate verbal abuse in the name of customer service. Really disillusioned me - I thought I worked for a company that was better than most about how they treated the nurses. :banghead:

And people wonder why there's a nursing shortage. :flmngmd:

I talked to my boss about it today - the wife never called in. My boss said it doesn't sound like I did anything wrong. We'll see if she changes her tune if the lady does make a complaint. I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with it too. As far as I see it, this is one of the biggest problems in nursing - our authority is taken away by customer service, and I think it really does worsen pt outcomes sometimes.

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Miko, I hear you. Had a very similar thing happen to me yesterday, and the stinking management backed up the family. All because I tried to protect the patient's right to privacy. And then got my butt chewed in the nurses' station afterward by the boss to the point where I was in tears. :bluecry1: So we've just rewarded the family's crappy, abusive behavior, by caving in. :banghead:

I cannot believe that we are expected to tolerate verbal abuse in the name of customer service. Really disillusioned me - I thought I worked for a company that was better than most about how they treated the nurses. :banghead:

And people wonder why there's a nursing shortage. :flmngmd:

I recently transferred from a floor where we were expected to take this kind of crap. And got corrected soooo many times for not giving good customer service. And when I tried to give my side, was told I needed to not be so defensive.:banghead:

It totally threw me off on my current floor when they came to me during lunch to tell me my family was really mad about something, and it wasn't to get on my case about it, it was to warn me about it.:) So it doesn't HAVE to be this way. It's that way when management cares more about Press Gainey than they care about patient care. Unfortunately, that's the kind of management that moves up and is loved by the top management that knows more about money than medical and nursing care.

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Specializes in ICU, Paeds ICU, Correctional, Education.
Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. And am also VERY tired of being expected to put up with it.

It doesn't come with the t-shirt. If you can see it for what its worth you aren't puting up with it. If it makes you angry then are you any better? Your frustration lies in the fact that you can't give it back to them. I don't want to give it back to them. My attitude is... go for it, if it wasn't me it would be someone else. Take a chill pill.:smokin:

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.

I have nothing positive to add to this thread whatsoever! lol

i just want to fuss too! i am so sick of freekin customer service!!!

i work in a short term rehab unit of a LTC. I am so sick of people coming in there PLANNING on suing before they even get there! they talk AT you like you are dirt under their shoes. i just want to know what it is they makes them feel they have the right to come into a health care facility and act like the biggest jerks in the world! do they act that way out in the world too?

i'm the supervisor and i really do try to keep the nurses i work with from getting abused. i'd rather take the abuse for them because God knows their job is hard enough!

i'm going to get fired one day, lol. i've been so sick of it lately than when people scream "I'm going to sue this place!" I ask them if they'd like me to write my name down for them so they will spell it correctly in the lawsuit. i know, i know...i shouldnt...but sometimes i just cant help myself!

had one woman recently tell me "i pay your salary". i told her "in that case...i need a raise". that felt good too dammit, lol.

and i'm sick of these people calling and getting mad at me cuz i wont tell them how "momma" is doing over the phone. pardon me but i'm not going to jail for you. put a darn code on the chart if you want to call! and these very people are the ones that WILL sue you for violating the HIPAA law if you do tell them something.

guys..we are damned if we do...and damned if we dont. and it's not the patients is it? NO! it's their crazy family members!

some of us nurses want to make up a questionairre for the admissions process that asks things like "are you or any member of your family mentally ill?" you know...important things we need to know :)

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Specializes in LTC/Rehab, Med Surg, Home Care.

I find this to be a very effective technique for patients (in my case residents), but not sure how it would work with family members! I've asked CNAs to use this when residents are upset with them and they roll their eyes at me, but a few have tried and were shocked at how quickly the resident calmed down.

You know, this probably doesn't help but if I have a family member like the one the OP wrote about,. I say " I can see you're upset, I'm going to give you a few minutes to calm down and we can talk when I come back." then I walk away.
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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Its all about boundaries - rudeness abounds across every part of our society. We can do nothing about that. However, we can do something about how we react. I'm old and mean now and won't tolerate verbal (or physical) abuse. Like above poster stated, say: "I see you are very upset. I will give you some time to collect yourself and then I'll be back." I then walk away. If they follow, I turn sharply around and state: "please calm yourself before you force me to call for security (or police) because I feel threatened." That puts the ball squarely in their court. I never tolerate verbal abuse. The times where I have been verbally or physically threatened, I call the police and press charges.

Yes, Yes, YES! This is a great post.:yeah:

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Specializes in Author/Business Coach.

Miko014,

Your story is the exact reason I am transferring to a closed unit. I work in an ICU with open visitation and it is sooo stressful. I have been complained on, yelled at and humiliated by family members. I can't stand being constantly watched and questioned about my nursing ablities. I do feel like a glorified waitress sometimes too and feel that is completely wrong. I have a college degree and not just anyone can walk off the street and do what we do as nurses. If they think they can, take your family member home and take care of them themselves!

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they talk AT you like you are dirt under their shoes.

Right. Because that is how you are supposed to treat a professional, right? But we are nurses. They have no idea how much education we have, or how quickly we can save their life. None of that matters. We are just supposed to pat them on the head and say, "there, there. Go have a cookie while I fill out the papers for you to make your official complaint."

Update on the situation - the family was back, luckily when I wasn't there, and though as far as I know she hasn't officially complained, she has been telling everyone she sees just how horrible I really am. My boss said she might call her and see what's up, so the next time I go in might be fun, haha. Maybe I should sue for slander.

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.

Don't you wish you COULD sue?

true story....very confused patient, out of his head. daughter from hell. patient starts rambling that some man had sex with him, along with other things that make no sense about little red riding hood. daughter takes it seriously and accuses the only man in the building of raping her husband. the only man in our building at the time was/is a 70 yr old night shift weekend nurse that is gay and been in nursing since the early 60s. she insists we send daddy to the hospital. she tells the ER her daddy was raped. no sign of any sexual abuse at all. nothing. er docs agree patient is out of his mind but she insists they call the cops. this man was put on administrative leave WITHOUT pay for over 6 months. he was woke up in the middle of the night on many occasions by the cops and drove to the police station and interrogated for hours...at one point, 12 straight hours! screaming at him "you know you raped him, just tell us you did it and we will stop" type stuff. the state investigated and in one day said there was nothing to substantiate the claim and dismissed the claim. the detective was new and determined to prove something. this went on for 6 months. he refused to drop the case. finally the lawyer for our company had to call the sheriff to get him to drop the charge. this man was mentally destroyed. the day he came back, we threw him a party and stood up and applauded him. i dont know if i could have come back and i sure as heck would have sued that woman! to this day though, when a family yell at him he starts shaking. we work together every weekend so i try to watch out for him. it makes me so mad that that woman KNEW her daddy was out of his mind! she knew it! did she care she almost destroyed not only this nurses career but the man himself?

no...never even an apology.

but we are supposed to stand there and smile while they accuse us of this...yell at us for that....

and tell new baby nurses how great nursing is! sometimes inside i just want to tell them RUN!!!

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