Sooooo done with the verbal abuse!

Published

Can I just say that I have had it up to HERE (you can't see how high "here" is, but trust me, it's HIGH, haha) with visitors bossing me and other nurses and techs around and verbally abusing us when they don't get what they want exactly when they want it??

Before I say anything else, I have already thought of all possible excuses for her feelings, and NONE of them give her (or anyone) the right to treat another person the way she treated me. I won't get specific about what was said, but I think you'll get the gist.

So I was lead tonight, and this lady came out and demanded that someone do something for her husband. Another RN asked me something about it, and I answered her. Both the RN and the visitor misunderstood what I said. The RN didn't help things by not letting me clarify, and she stomped off ****** at me, thinking I refused to do what she asked me to. But the best part is, the pt's wife went completely ballistic on me, would not let me explain what I meant, berated me to the point where I was almost in tears (and I NEVER cry). I did end up crying when I talked to the other RN and told her I didn't appreciate her treating me the way she did. I tried to apologize to pt's wife for not being clear 3 different times, and each time she cut me off before I could even finish a sentence. The best part is, if they would have let me clarify what I meant in the first place, I could have done what she wanted 10 minutes sooner. Instead, she didn't let me say anything, and basically told me that I should not be a nurse and how terrible I am (all from ONE sentence that she misunderstood, or maybe I didn't communicate clearly!!!!!) and that she will be "talking to my superiors about me". Also told me I better stay away from that room. I have never even met her or her husband before!! WTH?????? I am so sick of ******* CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is this considerd okay???

:banghead: :argue: :angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.

Sometimes people just suck. (((HUGS))) Look at the bright side, you won't have to go into the room and deal with the wife:up:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.

You know, this probably doesn't help but if I have a family member like the one the OP wrote about,. I say " I can see you're upset, I'm going to give you a few minutes to calm down and we can talk when I come back." then I walk away.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
You know, this probably doesn't help but if I have a family member like the one the OP wrote about,. I say " I can see you're upset, I'm going to give you a few minutes to calm down and we can talk when I come back." then I walk away.

Not if they followed you! She wouldn't let me say ANYTHING, let alone the whole "you need to cool down" spiel. And when I did take a few steps toward the other side of the station, she followed me!

And Michigan, this is not directed at you, so please don't take it that way. It's to everyone - PLEASE don't make excuses for this lady. If that's what you're in this thread for, you might as well turn back now! You weren't there. You didn't see what happened. And frankly, I don't care what your loved one wants (as long as they aren't coding or anything), you do NOT go up to someone you have never met and scream at them like that! ESPECIALLY when that person is trying to help you! And believe me, what she wanted was not urgent in the least.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.

miko your right, there are no excuses for verbally abusing nurses. We are not employed by the hospital to be punched, kicked, spat on and yelled at.

My advice to you is if someone is yelling at you or verbally abusing you then calmly inform them that if they continue in this intimidating manner then you have no choice but to call security. If they keep screaming and follow you to the nurses station then call security right away. If you are asked about it by management then you say that this person was intimidating you to the point where you felt that you could not provide safe care to your patients.

It's about time nurses start protecting themselves from verbal and physical abuse instead of just accepting it's part of the job and apologising to these idiots. We have security for a reason, use it. We need to teach these people a lesson, DO NOT ABUSE THE NURSING STAFF!

As for this other nurse she clearly didn't even make an attempt to listen to you when you tried to clarify the situation and you should be reporting her to your superiors. Her comments to you were way out of line.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.
Not if they followed you! She wouldn't let me say ANYTHING, let alone the whole "you need to cool down" spiel. And when I did take a few steps toward the other side of the station, she followed me!

And Michigan, this is not directed at you, so please don't take it that way. It's to everyone - PLEASE don't make excuses for this lady. If that's what you're in this thread for, you might as well turn back now! You weren't there. You didn't see what happened. And frankly, I don't care what your loved one wants (as long as they aren't coding or anything), you do NOT go up to someone you have never met and scream at them like that! ESPECIALLY when that person is trying to help you! And believe me, what she wanted was not urgent in the least.

Oh...sorry. I"m not going to make excuses for her. If she was ranting about something that was small and clearly not at the top of your priority list, then she just made a complete ass of herself.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Oh...sorry. I"m not going to make excuses for her. If she was ranting about something that was small and clearly not at the top of your priority list, then she just made a complete ass of herself.

I know you weren't. I didn't think I had that in my first post, and I knew if I posted it after what you said, it woud seem like it was directed at you. That's why I put it on that post and made sure to say it wasn't at you. You didn't make excuses for her at all. I just hate when people turn it into that. Sorry, I'm not a saint and I never will be, so I'm not just going to lay down and take it when people jump over the line. You know how sometimes people see the word "vent" and immediately jump on the other side. I hate that! :wink2:

And there are 2 bad things about all of this. First, I do care about her husband and what he is going through. To accuse me of being a horrible nurse and say that I shouldn't be allowed to take care of pts was beyond a slap in the face. How would she know anyway? I had never seen her or taken care of her husband before that very moment. In fact, I never even saw her husband, even after all this! And second, when she calls my boss and tells her side of the story, who is going to have a permanent mark on their record?

This is the first time in 6+ years that I have had anyone upset with me - at least, enough that they have threatened to go to my boss. I have had them ask for the charge nurse, and then decide that they were being an ass and apologize. Tonight, I was the charge nurse, so there was nobody to call for, haha. I would have gone to the house sup if need be, but give me a break. I just hate that this is going to stick with me. I mean my entire contact with this woman was approximately 2 to 3 minutes - maybe not even that long. So how can she make a judgement like that? Beyond uncool. Oh, and get this - I discussed all this with the other RN, explained my side, and she apologized and said that she was just really busy when all that happened. It wasn't her pt either. Anyway, she said, "Well, if *manager* has any questions, tell her to talk to me - I'll tell her you didn't do anything wrong. She wouldn't believe you did anyway - she knows you're great." Look, I know when I have done something wrong, and in this case, I really feel like I did NOTHING at all out of line, but who cares? The customer is always right. They'll probably fire me on the spot.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, Paeds ICU, Correctional, Education.

Ahh...the battle of the wills! I've seen it all and I've felt your fire and passion. At the end of the day, it's not an us and them situation. There is nothing to be achieved by being defensive. There are no winners and no losers. After a while I realised that anything I said or any defense I mounted wasn't going to change a damn thing... What works for me?

I internalise the WHATEVER attitude..like rant and rave...tell it to someone who cares! Go glassy eyed and let it wash over you.:cool:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. And am also VERY tired of being expected to put up with it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Ahh...the battle of the wills! I've seen it all and I've felt your fire and passion. At the end of the day, it's not an us and them situation. There is nothing to be achieved by being defensive. There are no winners and no losers. After a while I realised that anything I said or any defense I mounted wasn't going to change a damn thing... What works for me?

I internalise the WHATEVER attitude..like rant and rave...tell it to someone who cares! Go glassy eyed and let it wash over you.:cool:

Theoretically this is the best idea, but in the end the people who are behaving inappropriately get exactly what they want and that only encourages them to throw more inappropriate fits. If hospital staff were allowed to have people thrown out of the hospital for behaving this way, then they would have no choice but to behave themselves... yeah they have a right to see their loved ones and ensure they are treated appropriately, but we have rights too... and I'm not about to give mine up!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

It's considered "ok" because that person is not professionally trained to handle stress and illness. It is considered "ok" because you are in fact the trained professional. Im not being hard on you, I understand that there is only so much any person can take. The RN was wrong not to support you. Her actions are not "ok". I feel for you because any one of us could be in that or a similar situation. Sometimes though when a person is upset as clearly this woman was...it is best to be quiet and allow them to vent if you will, to blow off the frustrations of having to live w/o the person being the same person they knew. What was it we learned in nursing school, it was called empathy. As time goes on....... you will come to know that it isnt personal or directed at you although you are the one in closest striking distance. Ive been in other similar careers and have been where you are right now. I cried many times in the past. Im sorry you had to experience this but it just an experience. Im wishing you well and I support you all the way. Good luck but I know youll be fine. As for that RN, she should have known better and supported you. She is the one I would take issue with. Im not sure about this but maybe you could speak to a social worker about this patient's family, maybe that will help her ....

Can I just say that I have had it up to HERE (you can't see how high "here" is, but trust me, it's HIGH, haha) with visitors bossing me and other nurses and techs around and verbally abusing us when they don't get what they want exactly when they want it??

Before I say anything else, I have already thought of all possible excuses for her feelings, and NONE of them give her (or anyone) the right to treat another person the way she treated me. I won't get specific about what was said, but I think you'll get the gist.

So I was lead tonight, and this lady came out and demanded that someone do something for her husband. Another RN asked me something about it, and I answered her. Both the RN and the visitor misunderstood what I said. The RN didn't help things by not letting me clarify, and she stomped off ****** at me, thinking I refused to do what she asked me to. But the best part is, the pt's wife went completely ballistic on me, would not let me explain what I meant, berated me to the point where I was almost in tears (and I NEVER cry). I did end up crying when I talked to the other RN and told her I didn't appreciate her treating me the way she did. I tried to apologize to pt's wife for not being clear 3 different times, and each time she cut me off before I could even finish a sentence. The best part is, if they would have let me clarify what I meant in the first place, I could have done what she wanted 10 minutes sooner. Instead, she didn't let me say anything, and basically told me that I should not be a nurse and how terrible I am (all from ONE sentence that she misunderstood, or maybe I didn't communicate clearly!!!!!) and that she will be "talking to my superiors about me". Also told me I better stay away from that room. I have never even met her or her husband before!! WTH?????? I am so sick of ******* CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is this considerd okay???

:banghead: :argue: :angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire:angryfire

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Its all about boundaries - rudeness abounds across every part of our society. We can do nothing about that. However, we can do something about how we react. I'm old and mean now and won't tolerate verbal (or physical) abuse. Like above poster stated, say: "I see you are very upset. I will give you some time to collect yourself and then I'll be back." I then walk away. If they follow, I turn sharply around and state: "please calm yourself before you force me to call for security (or police) because I feel threatened." That puts the ball squarely in their court. I never tolerate verbal abuse. The times where I have been verbally or physically threatened, I call the police and press charges.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion