So Frustrated I Could Cry..

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Well actually I did cry :-( My Dad's 75th birthday party is coming up in a month, he's been planning this party for the past year. The party falls on my weekend to work (the party is in another state), I submitted my request for time off as soon as my parents had the date set, which was a little over a month ago. About the same time I submitted my request one of the other two NOC nurses put in her resignation. After a couple weeks of not hearing anything back from my scheduler I sent her message letting her know how important it was for me to be off that weekend because it was for my Dad's b-day and since we lost my older brother 6 months ago I couldn't miss a family function now. Didn't hear anything back from her. Than the other NOC nurse put in her notice, leaving me the only full time nurse on that shift :-/. I could to work last night and had a denial note waiting for me. It basically said "due to the current staffing issues I cannot approve your request for time off" I am so angry. There are only two on call nurses I can ask to work for me and one of them has already told me she is busy. The other nurse is my last hope. I don't even know what else to do and I cannot imagine having to tell my parents that I won't be coming.. :-(

Does your dad know about your dilemma? As much as I'd want my kid home my party I wouldn't want them to lose their job. I like the idea of going the weekend before if you decide to not call in sick or you aren't given the time off

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Specializes in hospice.
I just keep thinking... Do we live to work? Or do we work to live?

THIS. This right here. Your job is not your life. It's not the sum total of who you are.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.
THIS. This right here. Your job is not your life. It's not the sum total of who you are.

So it's ok to fake call out when something better comes along? If it was an emerge that would be one thing but it's a party. And the OP can hopefully see her parents beforehand. Unfortunately missing parties and holidays goes hand in hand with a 24 hour business.

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Specializes in Maternity.
So it's ok to fake call out when something better comes along? If it was an emerge that would be one thing but it's a party. And the OP can hopefully see her parents beforehand. Unfortunately missing parties and holidays goes hand in hand with a 24 hour business.

Your comment makes it seem like the OP is taking this lightly....she's not calling in because something better came along! If you read her post, she's not going to party. She has a family matter to attend to. She asked for the time way ahead of time. The hospital does not "own" her. No one is suggesting that calling in and pretending to be sick is ok. However, family issues can be used as a reason to be off IMHO.

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Specializes in None yet..
I used to really worry about screwing over my coworkers. Then I realized most of them couldn't care less about screwing over me.

I can't do anything about the character of other people but I'd hate to lose mine by lowering it to match someone else's.

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Specializes in None yet..
I know your dad's birthday is very special to you, and I am so sorry that you are in a tough situation. If it is impossible to get that specific "party" day off, and you absolutely have to keep this job, how about this:

Plan something close to the date of his birthday, and make it a Daughter and Father, alone, high quality time day? If he likes baseball, take him to a game, just the two of you. Have dinner. Go to his favorite spots, or take him fishing. You could really make it a marvelous day for both of you without the stress and pressure of work. Yes, you would still miss the 'party' and being around other family, but maybe your dad would appreciate just as much being with only YOU?

Just a suggestion to maybe consider. There are lots of posts, so I apologize if this idea has already been mentioned. Just popped into my head...

monkeyhq, this is an excellent idea! I know my dad would have loved your idea. He would never have wanted me to jeopardize my work or to do something I felt was shady. I do think it's important to celebrate occasions with our parents; we'll probably live a long time without them. AND... NurseQT has ultrasucky management. I wonder whether her manager sat on her application because she was aware that her staffing situation was at risk? I mean, really, more than a MONTH?

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.
Your comment makes it seem like the OP is taking this lightly....she's not calling in because something better came along! If you read her post, she's not going to party. She has a family matter to attend to. She asked for the time way ahead of time. The hospital does not "own" her. No one is suggesting that calling in and pretending to be sick is ok. However, family issues can be used as a reason to be off IMHO.

I didn't say anything about the OP, just the many people who are telling her to call in. There is no reason she can't visit her parents before the party. And I understand that her brother passed 6 months ago, but she's not being denied time off to go to a funeral. The floor just lost two nurses, of course no one is getting time off. I just don't see why there can't be a visit before the party, solves the problem.

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I would have a terrible migraine that weekend and have a doctor's note ready to prove it.

I have an actual migraine that just started about ten minutes ago. I need to go check my bp. Frankly, if I could box it up and send it to you for future use I would do so.

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This is a tough one. Each and every time something similar or not quite as crucial has happened to me, the job has always taken precedence. And now I look at where I am. What did I get for all of my loyalty and unshaking integrity to the job? At the present time, I don't have many, if any, crucial family functions that might come up. Most of my family is now deceased. What I wouldn't give to trade just one of those days that I thought the job was more important, for one day each with the people who are now gone forever. Not looking to be criticized, just expressing my profound sorrow at the OP's dilemma.

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My workplace has a strict policy of missing time, especially when it falls on a weekend. If a person wants a particular weekend off, that they would normally be scheduled to work, there is a certain protocol that must be followed. They have to make the request in writing (which the OP did), they have to find their own coverage, and they have to make up the time on a weekend that they would normally have off. If the employee calls in sick anyway, after being denied of the time off, then they face possible termination. Your place may not resort to this, but it is a possibility that you need to keep in mind.

We've all been in this situation before, when we had to miss events that was special to us, because of a conflicting work schedule. In all honesty, this will probably be one time of many, when you are faced with this kind of dilemma. No matter which decision you make, you will probably feel a little guilty about it. Spending time with family is important, but it's hard to do when you know that you are leaving your coworkers short-staffed. Your coworkers may have something that is equally important to them, that they are missing out on, as well. They might resent the fact that they showed up to work anyway, and you didn't. People always have a way of finding these things out.

If it was me, I would probably miss out on the party and see my family on another weekend. I agree with another poster that said that it isn't so much the event that makes special occasions, but just the time spent together. I haven't celebrated Christmas or Thanksgiving on the actual day, for years. Instead holidays are celebrated at a convenient time for everyone, and it doesn't make it any less special.

If I had an emergency situation (God forbid), I wouldn't think twice about missing work on a scheduled weekend. But for me personally, I probably wouldn't be able to justify missing time for a birthday party. I come from a large family, so if I missed scheduled weekends for every special occasion, I would probably never make it to work. Your father will be happy to see you whenever you are able to visit. I would go the following weekend, and plan something special.

I hope that it all works out for you. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. I wish you the best of luck, and sincerely hope that management gives you the time off.

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Specializes in Oncology.

I can't do anything about the character of other people but I'd hate to lose mine by lowering it to match someone else's.

This is a good point. Despite some of my opinions in this thread, I personally have never called in for a personal reason. My facility has like 15 FTE per shift, though, so it's much easier to find people to switch with than in the OP's case.

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As the person who made this choice, I'd like to address "how this could even happen."

It could happen because I bought into the idea that a commitment to those in need of care supersedes my own needs.

What I - personally (my lesson, no one else's) - learned was that, even in doing what is best for our patients, we may be paying a price we shouldn't.

If you haven't had to make such a choice, please don't judge.

*ETA: Just realized person who asked "how this could happen" meant their question in a supportive way and I want to acknowledge that. I still think others might be replying in a judgmental way."*

This is not about "doing what's best for our patients". This is about being used and abused by a poorly run corporation . It is the FACILITY that should be able to staff another nurse, but are choosing to FORCE the one remaining nurse to work!

Do you think administration cares about the patients. No, they care about profit.

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