So Frustrated I Could Cry..

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Well actually I did cry :-( My Dad's 75th birthday party is coming up in a month, he's been planning this party for the past year. The party falls on my weekend to work (the party is in another state), I submitted my request for time off as soon as my parents had the date set, which was a little over a month ago. About the same time I submitted my request one of the other two NOC nurses put in her resignation. After a couple weeks of not hearing anything back from my scheduler I sent her message letting her know how important it was for me to be off that weekend because it was for my Dad's b-day and since we lost my older brother 6 months ago I couldn't miss a family function now. Didn't hear anything back from her. Than the other NOC nurse put in her notice, leaving me the only full time nurse on that shift :-/. I could to work last night and had a denial note waiting for me. It basically said "due to the current staffing issues I cannot approve your request for time off" I am so angry. There are only two on call nurses I can ask to work for me and one of them has already told me she is busy. The other nurse is my last hope. I don't even know what else to do and I cannot imagine having to tell my parents that I won't be coming.. :-(

Due to time restraints, I haven't read all these replies. Still, I want to share one of my lowest moments with you.

I *yes/ really* missed my youngest child's wedding in order to do what I thought ethical and "be there" for my patients. I cannot say whether my choice was wrong or right. I can only tell you I have never forgiven myself for missing that wedding -- and it is a decade behind me. My "ethics" were displaced.

Can your manager not "show up" for the hour or two you need to share with your family? If not, dump the manager! Yes, we have an obligation to our profession; still, our profession is not the sum total of who we are. In every case, I will care for my patients (or make sure SOMEONE can), but -- darnit -- the one time I *need* to be present for my family (we are talking once-in-a-lifetime stuff, not rote ceremony), folks can show up to cover ME, or start covering their own tails!

That said, 15 years hence, I have never found another reason to choose family over my pledge to my career.

Do what you must. Some will agree, others won't. In the end, only you have to sleep with your decisions.

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I worked with someone who didn't know until about 2 weeks before her kid's wedding if she had it off or not. I would be physically and emotionally sick if I had to miss my kid's wedding. I would not be able to function at work. As a previous poster said she has never forgiven herself for missing her child's wedding.

Not sure what I would do in the OP case. Everyone's situation is unique and shaped by many factors.

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Specializes in Pedi.

That's what unscheduled PTO is for. Call out. I wouldn't feel any qualms about doing this. If I tell you a month in advance that I'm not working this weekend and you put me on the schedule anyway, well good luck with that because I'm not coming to work.

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Specializes in MICU, SICU, CICU.
If there is a day I need off, that's so important to me I'd risk my job, nobody at work knows about it. I don't ask to swap, or request that day from my boss.

That way if I absolutely have to, I can call in sick, and nobody has to know I'm not.

The above plan is only reserved for those days being off is nonnegotiable.

When I was younger I would have worked and been miserable.

With less time in front of me, than behind me, my priorities are a little different. I'd call in and take the hit, whatever the boss decided that was.

Tell your dad happy birthday, and eat a piece of cake for me.

Best advice right here. In the future, if you have an important event after the schedule is posted, that is a personal day. It is your personal business and you tell no one about those plans.

It is your earned time or PTO. Use it any way you want.

They have been so disrespectful to the OP. I would resign over this I really would.

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Sage advise -- wish had known to identify it as such many years ago.

Anyway, how goes it? Do you get that you *DO* have a choice here?

On your side,

UN

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Grow up and spend time with your parents on another weekend.

yeah, a little harsh and totally uncalled for IMO.

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Specializes in Med Surg.
I worked with someone who didn't know until about 2 weeks before her kid's wedding if she had it off or not.

How is that even possible? Any decent employer would ensure that, short of an unforeseen disaster, staff can have that time off. It also speaks volumes about the character of the nurse's coworkers. There's no way I'd allow that to happen--I'd be taking her shift.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position, OP. The staffing person should not have let you hanging for all that time. It's not your problem that others are quitting. I hope you have the financial resources in place to risk losing your job so that you can attend this gathering. I'm sorry you're in this position and I hope everything works out for you. For what it's worth, I'd call in in a heartbeat over this.

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Specializes in Med Surg.

Grow up.

You need to grow up if you think a job is more important than your family. I can only guess that you are young and have yet to truly contemplate your own mortality or that of those you hold dear. You're in for a shock one day.

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You need to grow up if you think a job is more important than your family. I can only guess that you are young and have yet to truly contemplate your own mortality or that of those you hold dear. You're in for a shock one day.

Young and condescending IMO.

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As the person who made this choice, I'd like to address "how this could even happen."

It could happen because I bought into the idea that a commitment to those in need of care supersedes my own needs.

What I - personally (my lesson, no one else's) - learned was that, even in doing what is best for our patients, we may be paying a price we shouldn't.

If you haven't had to make such a choice, please don't judge.

*ETA: Just realized person who asked "how this could happen" meant their question in a supportive way and I want to acknowledge that. I still think others might be replying in a judgmental way."*

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Specializes in Med Surg.

Unanayeli, I wasn't trying to judge you, rather an employer that would even think that requiring such a sacrifice of his or her employees is morally acceptable. You had to make a difficult decision, one you never should have had to make.

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Specializes in hospice.

There is no obligation of any kind, anywhere, that could make me choose to miss my own child's wedding. I'm sorry that you have to live with the regret UnaNayeli.

NurseQT, you should tell your manager and HR that this kind of crap is EXACTLY WHY their nurses are quitting.

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