Mother of 6 Lost Nursing License X 2 and Job

Dear Nurse Beth,

I really need some advice. 8 years ago I was working at a hospital in a state up north. I had a patient

that coded. After several attempts at resuscitation the patient passed away. I was heartbroken as any nurse would be because we do this job because of the patients...not the hospital.

I did all that the hospital asked of me. They stated "We love you and we are here if you need us"

My husband and I moved to a new state and I started a new job. After a few months I received a phone call from the BON in the state up north. They said a complaint had been filed against me from the hospital where the patient had passed away.

I was devastated. I immediately told my nurse manager and my director what was going on because I felt that honesty was the best policy. They said to keep them informed. I kept them informed.

Again, I felt honesty was the best policy. Long story short, I ended up voluntarily surrendering my license in the state up north because honestly I didn't have the money to hire an out of state attorney to fight. I was the only breadwinner in a house with 6 kids. I told my nurse manager that I surrendered my license. She said OK and that I was doing an awesome job as the floor supervisor. Also, I had just been chosen as one of the top 10 employees out an extremely large hospital campus. It was a huge honor.

The next day I was off and my director called and asked that I come in to meet with human resources. I said OK...I mean, again I tried to be honest. I walked into the room and I just felt glaring eyes looking at me. The manager of human resources asked what happen in the other state. I told her...I felt like I was on trial. She told me that I was a piece of crap and that I lied on my application.

I told her that I did not, that the incident happened after I had accepted the position, then she called me a liar. Told me that I was terminated effective immediately and that she was going to make sure that I never worked in this state again.

I left feeling just completely numb, disgraced and humiliated. I received a letter from the BON in the state where I was currently living in to appear. I went to the meeting. I had written a letter that I read begging for them to not take my license. The attorney who represented the board was the most unprofessional person that I had ever encountered. She kept giving me extremely glaring looks through the whole hearing.

She said that I was a liar and that I should never practice as a nurse again. The BON suspended my license. They stated that once I got my license back in the northern state that I could reapply for a license and also after I paid $4000 in court costs to them.

Once again I left so numb and humiliated. I felt like they were right...that I shouldn't be a nurse. I went into a very deep depression which put a huge strain on my marriage but my husband stayed by my side and loved me through it.

I contacted the state up north to ask about reinstatement. They said that I was an excellent nurse in an unfortunate situation. They sent me the appropriate paperwork, I applied and completed a RN refresher course.

Then a week later I received notice that my current state filed a judgement against me for the fine.Then later on I found out that the hospital in the state up north that I worked for was also using me as an example in their nurse orientation class. They talk about what a terrible nurse I was and also put my name in big bright red letters on an overhead. They use it as a scare tactic for nurses going to work there.

I kind of gave up on ever coming up with that kind of money and still hold a conditional license in the state up north but it's going nowhere.

I recently got offered my dream job as a marketing and sales rep for a wound care company. It was truly a blessing to finally be making the pay that more that I was making as a nurse. Finally after all these years something good had happened. Then yesterday after I had been on the job for 3 weeks they called and fired me.

They stated that part of my background check had come back and that I was on the exclusion list. I didn't even know what that was. I was shocked and heartbroken. I looked up the Office of the Inspector General website and tried to search for myself on there but after trying my full name, my first name only, my last name only, even the first 3 letters of my first and last name nothing came up. What the heck do I do now? I desperately need some serious advice.