sharing personal info with patients

[anon456]

I'm a nursing student about to graduate in 8 weeks (!!!). I wanted to know when it's appropriate to share personal info in order to help relate to a patient, or when not to.

For example, if I am working on the cancer floor and I'm a cancer survivor.

Or my child was in PICU and I'm an PICU nurse. I can say "I remember how hard it was when my child was in PICU. It can be overwhelming" (or something like that.

Or if you take a med that the patient is starting and you know how hard the side effects are, and how to mange them.

I know about boundaries, and I know that the main focus should be on the patient. I would not go into a long dialogue about it, but just to say "I understand because I was there." When my child was sick, though thank goodness not in the PICU, I remember how hard it was, and I remember a nurse whose child had a similar issue. She briefly shared that with me and I then knew that she understood the feelings I was having, and she was the most patient. She only shared that much, did not share a whole story about her child, but just enough to make me know I was not alone in my struggles, I was not the only one in the world who had gone through this. If I were a cancer patient I would love to know that my nurse had also had cancer.

There is a med I take that that a patient had started on, and it had a lot of short term side effects that went away after the med was taken for awhile. I kept quiet and just gave the general education about it, but it was on the tip of my tongue to say "I know how hard it is to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the med makes you feel worse instead of better for a few weeks. Just hang in there."

When I was doing my psych rotation one of the nurses was leading a group session. She shared that her mom had committed suicide because it was relevant to that conversation. It was done in a professional way and she moved the focus right back to the patient after sharing that. It helped to open some doors of communication and the group made some progress after that because that rapport was established.

Just wanted some feedback. Sorry this was so long! THanks!

[linearthinker, DNP, RN]

I made it a point to never do this. People never seem to appreciate it. They need to feel whatever it is they are feeling. I found silence to be the best tool. They don't really want to hear about your or others experiences anyway, they want you to listen to theirs.

[DeeAngel]

Keep your private life and work life separate. You never know when something you say at work can come back to bite you.

[Mrs. Sparkle Pants]

I understand where you are coming from, but I would err on the side of caution. You never know how someone will interpret something you say. For example, if you tell them you had cancer they may think, "Oh she had this and she's fine now, I will be fine." when in reality they are terminal. Or you might say you had a certain side effect from a medication and they assume it's normal, when in reality what is normal for you may not be normal for them, and they may avoid talking to the Dr. about it because, "well the nurse had the same thing."

I think rather than sharing your personal experiences just try to treat the patients like you wanted to be treated when you were in their shoes. You know what it's like to have cancer and be scared, what calmed you down or made you feel better? Maybe having ice chips and a cool wash cloth always helped when you weren't feeling well, then be sure your patients have that. Or when your child was in the hospital maybe it made both of you feel better when someone brought by a fun game to play. Whatever you do you can create a personal experience for the patient without revealing much about yourself.

[Old.Timer]

IMHO, I believe this falls within:

The art of nursing ..........Additional aspects of nursing considered artful are the knowledge, judgement and skill exercised by nurses in their everyday practice. Nurses develop the ability to sense, feel, perceive and know how to deliver care in ways that increasingly demonstrate mastery in their field.

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Embracing+the+art+and+the+science+of+nursing%3A+nursing+must+pay+equal...-a0114702141

[TakeTwoAspirin, MSN, RN, APRN]

I generally don't share anything personal with patients. My interactions with patients are not about me, and I try to keep the focus on them. I'm not rude about it, but I think that with experience you learn to redirect the conversation without coming off as being evasive or stand offish.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

I think that Kah must have been in my brain, because that is EXACTLY how I was going to respond! The best way to use your experience if, in fact, you HAVE been in a similar situation as your patient is to use the tools that comforted YOU. It is never a good thing to talk about "well you know, when I was taking XYZ med or when I was coping with my child being in the NICU..." because you are taking the focus off of your patient. It may SEEM like you are finding common ground and thus bonding with your patient, but they need to have your full attention on THEIR problems and THEIR coping skills.

I will never forget the day that I went in to get my mammogram after my lumpectomy and the nurse was prattling on about how hard it was to deal with q3 mo mammos and that she did it herself. She actually went into a soliloquy about her long personal experience with cancer and how hard it was...all the while my boob was smashed into the machine while she talked! I was actually sweating while I was smiling and nodding, praying that she would stop talking and shoot the film already! Astonishingly enough, I was the one that ended up comforting HER when my mammo was done!

I am not suggesting that you would do this, and actually admire you for posing the question because you are wanting feedback from the nurses on this forum about what would be appropriate and what would seem overbearing. In my experience of being on both sides of the fence, I have found that I respect the nurses that can empathize without divulging their own personal information. I always knew instinctively the ones that really knew what I was going through when they brought me a warm blanket, ice chips, lip balm and gave me a wink. The nurses that DID try to connect with me by sharing their own experiences made me a little uncomfortable because I felt that I needed to comfort them as well. It is awkward from a patient's point of view.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

No, I don't ever share anything with pts/families. The focus isn't ME, its THEM, as it should be.

Plus, I don't ever want anyone saying that I'm biased in my way of thinking/doing things based on my own experiences versus what the pt wants/needs.

Its always best not to share.

[kessadawn, BSN, RN]

I agree with canesdukegirl, you can give great care to someone who's going through something you have gone through by anticipating their needs based on your experience, and your patient will appreciate it. It's really no different than anticipating the needs of a patient who is dealing with a condition that you are really experienced in caring for, you've seen it, you know how to deal with it. Sometimes sharing your own experience with a patient can inadvertantly make them feel like this is about you, not them, even when that was never your intention to begin with. I am a PICU nurse with personal PICU experience, I don't tell patient's parents about it, but I have a reputation for working very well with difficult families. I can still use my personal experience to assist without spilling details, and I can anticipate questions and concerns and address them appropriately. Hope that helps, and good luck in nursing!

[suanna]

I constantly share some personal information with my patients. I work in a field that involves a lot of older adults- I often ask if they have children or grandchildren. I offer that I have 8 grandkids and two daughters. I feel it helps take thier minds off of thier anxiety and helps them feel empowered when they are in a position where they have very little control. It lets my patients know I am acknowledging them as a person- not just "the CABG in rm 31". As to: my wife and my favorite position, my religious or political views, family or work problems- no topics like this are of course OFF LIMITS, but personal "small talk" that you might share with your usual cashier at the grocery store- I think it helps put the patient at ease. Personal health examples?- I can see the conversation being helpful, but you have to be very careful. "I know just just how you feel because bla,bla,bla..." is rarely a theraputic conversation. However: " A chronic pain condition can get very discouraging, I was helped by our pain managemenet department when I had an injury a few years ago, would you like you doctor to ask them to come up and see what they can offer you?" may well be helpful. The focus has to always come back to the patients needs.

[rkitty198, BSN, RN]

I gave birth to a baby boy 4 months ago. I really found it comforting when the nurses who cared for me told me that they understood and they too had been through childbirth.

Although comforting,

It isnt when the nurse caring for you stays in your room talking about her children, going on and on to ignore the questions I had and my pain issues.

I think if you share a part of you that pertains to the patient that may comfort them while remembering the patient is the focus then I say go ahead.

[BabyLady, BSN, RN]

I live in a smaller Southern town, so it is thought of differently here and in the NICU, we work with patients for a very long time, so we get to know the families well.

More than once, I have been able to establish rapport with difficult parents when I mention that one of my own children was a NICU baby, so I understand their frustration. I have seen, more than once, their own demeanor change completely from confrontational to "so...you understand what we are going through".

However, there are times when I would never mention it...if a baby is most likely going to die, the last thing that they want to hear is another parent of a similar gestational age baby, who made it and did well.

Most of us answer the superficial questions:

Are you from this area? Are you married? How many kids do you have?

I have never had a patient to ask me anything super personal, such as which school my kids attend, etc.

I have, however, asked for patients to ask me if I was on Facebook...and I always tell them, "I am sorry, but the facility prefers we not add family members as friends while their infant is admitted."

My profile is blocked to where you cannot even see who is on my friend's list, so personally, I don't care if they look up my profile or not...b/c there is nothing to see.

[Fribblet]

The relationship is focused on the patient, not you. Aside from revealing too much, you risk jabbering on about your problems, which can make a patient feel ignored or stress them out more.

You can relate to a patient without launching into your life story.

Now, if a patient asks specifically about you (say "Have you had to deal with x before?") use your judgement, but generally, it's best to keep the relationship focused on the patient.