I have a elderly couple I have worked with for 2 years. The wife just went through a stroke and lost her memory of her husband for a while. It was very very sad, he would be helping her and she didn't know who he was and screamed that there was a man in her room..the whole bit. But bless the husband...he stood true, left if she asked, and just continued to show her so much love and compassion that she got some memory back...but otherwise fell in love with him all over again!
So, last night they decided to make love so they asked very polietly if the caregivers did not interupt them for an hour or two. The caregiver certainly agreed and worked out a code knock system for when she could come in and give them their evening meds so as not to disturb them...awesome!
But alas...a nurse put a stop to this! Her reasoning is that the woman is volunerable, unable to make that choice, must...at her age...have an atophied uterus/vaginia, and can not achieve lubrication. Then she proceeded to say..get this..a man of 93 can NOT get an erection!
I was friggen floored! I told her that this was a very healthy responce, it is a dignity issue, and that you can have sexual intercourse at that age and that is was a natural healthy way for a man and wife to show their love for one another...she thought I was off my rocker!
I arranged a private dinner in their room tonight, caregivers are NOT to go in until the call light is pulled at 2200 to signal they may come in, and even took the wife aside and asked about any lubrication needs she may have and I could have those ordered. She did take me up on that offer because "I want him to love me again, and being that close is so wonderful!~".
90's don't mean you are sexually dead, and I can't believe someone would tell a man and wife NO! Makes me sick!
I also found that some of my widowed female residents have personal massage aids as well...and three women had them taken away once the management found out. I said..well if that is the case, then we better mitten the hands of some of the gents?!?!? My goodness...you have a sexual loving healthy relationship till your mate dies..and you have to give it all up (even if it is self???).
What are your thoughts on sexual health of the elderly??? I think it is an important part of being a human being, and a great way to relieve stress and feel good about yourself no matter what your age (age of consent of course)....
i had a demented female pt.'jane' and a male demented pt. 'john'. john was known to grope the ladies so he was isolated from the female population.one day jane and john were sitting near the nurse's station and noticed john fondling jane's breast.
i immediately went to intervene when jane said "that's ok leslie, he's just apologizing". i separated them nonetheless.
so, my question being, what about the rights of those who have a dx of dementia? jane was quite willing as all she talked about was finding a boyfriend. and she perceived john to be that boyfriend.
what do you do? call up their legal guardians and get permission? instinctively i felt if they were both willing, then i had no problem w/it. neither one was severely demented- they knew staff's names and could converse with them adequately yet they both had poa's/rp's.anyone else run into this dilemma?
I have a elderly couple I have worked with for 2 years. The wife just went through a stroke and lost her memory of her husband for a while. It was very very sad, he would be helping her and she didn't know who he was and screamed that there was a man in her room..the whole bit. But bless the husband...he stood true, left if she asked, and just continued to show her so much love and compassion that she got some memory back...but otherwise fell in love with him all over again!
So, last night they decided to make love so they asked very polietly if the caregivers did not interupt them for an hour or two. The caregiver certainly agreed and worked out a code knock system for when she could come in and give them their evening meds so as not to disturb them...awesome!
But alas...a nurse put a stop to this! Her reasoning is that the woman is volunerable, unable to make that choice, must...at her age...have an atophied uterus/vaginia, and can not achieve lubrication. Then she proceeded to say..get this..a man of 93 can NOT get an erection!
I was friggen floored! I told her that this was a very healthy responce, it is a dignity issue, and that you can have sexual intercourse at that age and that is was a natural healthy way for a man and wife to show their love for one another...she thought I was off my rocker!
I arranged a private dinner in their room tonight, caregivers are NOT to go in until the call light is pulled at 2200 to signal they may come in, and even took the wife aside and asked about any lubrication needs she may have and I could have those ordered. She did take me up on that offer because "I want him to love me again, and being that close is so wonderful!~".
90's don't mean you are sexually dead, and I can't believe someone would tell a man and wife NO! Makes me sick!
I also found that some of my widowed female residents have personal massage aids as well...and three women had them taken away once the management found out. I said..well if that is the case, then we better mitten the hands of some of the gents?!?!? My goodness...you have a sexual loving healthy relationship till your mate dies..and you have to give it all up (even if it is self???).
What are your thoughts on sexual health of the elderly??? I think it is an important part of being a human being, and a great way to relieve stress and feel good about yourself no matter what your age (age of consent of course)....
wow what a shame that someone would disaprove of this. i work with elderly people and i can tell you that once in a while you get some that still have that drive and if u ask me we as the caregivers should be allowing this to happen. i had a patient one time, she was a widow, and was all the time playing so the staff all pitched in and got her a vibrator to use. she loved it. nothing wrong with that if u ask me. it was actually safer than having her use something that may hurt her. we also had a married couple that we were to leave alone when they asked. they closed there door and did whatever they did and all was ok.
Specializes in MDS coordinator, hospice, ortho/ neuro.
Also depends on how demented these people are: many years ago I had a married couple, both very very demented. One night he got it up and neither one of them could remember what this was all about. So she put roll-on deodorant on it to take down the swelling! These 2 could have easily done something harmful to themselves.
I would be willing to bet if the staff would ignore the happy couple and ignore the residents with "aids" the need for tranquilizers and sleeping pills would go way down :rotfl: , not to mention behavioral issues among the demented/Alz population.
We've been studying this in my CNA class. The nurse is violating the Resident's Bill Of Rights. They have the right to privacy during visits with a spouse and to even share a room when they reside in the same facility. The nurse is violating several rights actually:
The Right to Personal Privacy and Confidentiality
The Right to make Personal choices
The Right to be Treated with Courtesy and Dignity
The Right to Privacy for Married Couples
The nurse could be charged with abuse, so maybe you should remind her of this. She is trying to ruin a beautiful thing between this husband and wife and that makes me sick. Their story reminds me of that movie "The Notebook".
I hope that if I still have that desire when I'm old that some one will be as respectful as all of y'all! Sex is near the top on Maslow's heirarchy (sp?) anyhow, I use that one when I hear the "their too old" comment.
SEXUALITY IS A NEED. Maslow's Hierarchy of Need includes SEX as a physiological need. Those nurses need to go back to school and get properly educated.
1. Sexuality in a human dies ONLY when the person dies. Dementia, age, etc...nothing or no one should intervene, whether it's a couple or an individual.
2. To remove a person's vibrator or whatever is definately violation of a person's rights.
Kudos to all who encourage sexual expression between consenting adults as long as neither person's safety is an issue. I used to work with the developmentally disabled. They engaged in masturbation simply because it felt good. Our only intervention was to provide for their privacy. Seems to me that the same goes for our elders.
I used to work in a nursing home. The rule was that if they requested privacy you gave it to them. If you walk by and see it happening then you shut the door and go on. Not only should those nurses be reported to the BON but they should also be arrested for stealing. These adults have the same rights as those nurses. They need to realize that.
WOW! Whatever this couple wants to do or not do.....is their business and right. No one has the right or power to tell them otherwise. The person opposing should go back to school or do some research. :stone
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leslie :-D
11,191 Posts
ok, i have a story then a question.
i had a demented female pt.'jane' and a male demented pt. 'john'. john was known to grope the ladies so he was isolated from the female population.one day jane and john were sitting near the nurse's station and noticed john fondling jane's breast.
i immediately went to intervene when jane said "that's ok leslie, he's just apologizing". i separated them nonetheless.
so, my question being, what about the rights of those who have a dx of dementia? jane was quite willing as all she talked about was finding a boyfriend. and she perceived john to be that boyfriend.
what do you do? call up their legal guardians and get permission? instinctively i felt if they were both willing, then i had no problem w/it. neither one was severely demented- they knew staff's names and could converse with them adequately yet they both had poa's/rp's.anyone else run into this dilemma?
thanks,
leslie