Sexual health and the elderly

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Well...had a bit of a shocker today.

I have a elderly couple I have worked with for 2 years. The wife just went through a stroke and lost her memory of her husband for a while. It was very very sad, he would be helping her and she didn't know who he was and screamed that there was a man in her room..the whole bit. But bless the husband...he stood true, left if she asked, and just continued to show her so much love and compassion that she got some memory back...but otherwise fell in love with him all over again!

So, last night they decided to make love so they asked very polietly if the caregivers did not interupt them for an hour or two. The caregiver certainly agreed and worked out a code knock system for when she could come in and give them their evening meds so as not to disturb them...awesome!

But alas...a nurse put a stop to this! Her reasoning is that the woman is volunerable, unable to make that choice, must...at her age...have an atophied uterus/vaginia, and can not achieve lubrication. Then she proceeded to say..get this..a man of 93 can NOT get an erection!

I was friggen floored! I told her that this was a very healthy responce, it is a dignity issue, and that you can have sexual intercourse at that age and that is was a natural healthy way for a man and wife to show their love for one another...she thought I was off my rocker!

I arranged a private dinner in their room tonight, caregivers are NOT to go in until the call light is pulled at 2200 to signal they may come in, and even took the wife aside and asked about any lubrication needs she may have and I could have those ordered. She did take me up on that offer because "I want him to love me again, and being that close is so wonderful!~".

90's don't mean you are sexually dead, and I can't believe someone would tell a man and wife NO! Makes me sick!

I also found that some of my widowed female residents have personal massage aids as well...and three women had them taken away once the management found out. I said..well if that is the case, then we better mitten the hands of some of the gents?!?!? My goodness...you have a sexual loving healthy relationship till your mate dies..and you have to give it all up (even if it is self???).

What are your thoughts on sexual health of the elderly??? I think it is an important part of being a human being, and a great way to relieve stress and feel good about yourself no matter what your age (age of consent of course)....

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I work with babies, so it's the other end.... But I say, what's the big deal? What they do with their private time is their business. How can they take things away from them like they're children?

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Like I said...I was floored! You can't tell someone they can't..or lets go back to the days of sterilization for developmentally challenged..and didn't they find that was WRONG!

I am trying to be calm, but I am so ready to report this! Apparently if any 'sexual aides" are found they are to be taken...oh no way!!!!!!! One lady had certain items taken and used a electric razor to help herself and got hurt (she was very confused, but still had desires which is HUMAN!). They shrugged that under the rug...(this was before I got there!!!).

One day I had a resident in need of some AA batteries...but her electric toothbrush has A batteries so they refused her them. I looked into her embarrest face (there was NO way she was going to tell them what they were for) and insisted she have the batteries! They gave them to her with a fight with me...and now we have a special stash for her donated by caregivers and nurses in a hidden location...if management finds out she has that...it will be taken! Hello...not illegal in my state thank you..what right do you have???

I know it is a very interesting subject...but I think it is an important one! You can not deny sexual health to anyone of consenting age...and to assume elderly don't need it or shouldn't have it is WRONG!

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Specializes in Hemodialysis, Home Health.

These nurses who oppose such natural, physical affection had better go back to school... or find them a man ! :rolleyes: :chuckle

Not only is it in the "books" about allowing the elderly (married or NOT!) to excercise their right to such, but it is plain ol' commom sense !!! :madface:

They may be old, but they aren't DEAD !!!

It is their RIGHT, and NO ONE may take that from them.. nursing home or not.

Anyway you can have someone come in and addresse this issue? Do a class on it, something like that?

This is absurd, and I would certainly find some way to enlighten these ol' biddies. Sheeeeeeeeeesh.

And good for YOU for assisting this couple and enabling them to share their affections !!! Woohooooooooo for you !!! :balloons: :) :balloons:

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Just aside from the dignity issues, that sounds like theft. They are taking private property away from people for no reason other than it makes them uncomfortable. What do state agencies say about seizing residents' things?

God, if my grandma wanted a bob, that's her business.

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Oh my. I am horrified that they're stealing personal belongings of their residents! On moral grounds or safety grounds? I don't get the rationale.

And yes, every consenting adult should be given the space needed to express sexuality.

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

I okay I knew I wasn't crazy! It seemed so wrong down to the core!

Why deny it for people married or not of concenting age to have 'realtions' if they so feel!!!

Thanks guys...I am trying to help them...but with such a taboo subject...wow...but hey...I can do it!

Keep them comming guys!

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.
I okay I knew I wasn't crazy! It seemed so wrong down to the core!

Why deny it for people married or not of concenting age to have 'realtions' if they so feel!!!

Thanks guys...I am trying to help them...but with such a taboo subject...wow...but hey...I can do it!

Keep them comming guys!

Well, of course, you're right. It is hard to say much more than that. Since when do caregivers get to tell consenting adults what they can and can not do behind closed doors anyway?

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We've been studying this in my CNA class. The nurse is violating the Resident's Bill Of Rights. They have the right to privacy during visits with a spouse and to even share a room when they reside in the same facility. The nurse is violating several rights actually:

The Right to Personal Privacy and Confidentiality

The Right to make Personal choices

The Right to be Treated with Courtesy and Dignity

The Right to Privacy for Married Couples

The nurse could be charged with abuse, so maybe you should remind her of this. She is trying to ruin a beautiful thing between this husband and wife and that makes me sick. Their story reminds me of that movie "The Notebook".

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Good for you. You should be proud of yourself.:balloons: Let the other nurse know that if you find out that she or anyone else there refuses to allow relations or takes aways "toys" (that is stealing personal property) that you will turn it into the BON.

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Although an embarrassing subject, I do beleive that they have the right unless one cannot consent. We had a couple once that would forget to shut the door. That was a totally diffrent issue then! :) A co-worker told me her experience once with a confused lady that could not walk on her own, who repeatedly dropped her toy, then would turn on the call light to ask someone to retrieve it from under the bed where it usually vibrated itself into. I do not know how patient I would have been after retrieving it more then a couple times for her.

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

Two consenting adults, their private time, their private business.

I would not want someone telling me when i could and could not have sex, i don't care how old i am.

And more power to them for trying, as well! I could only hope to achieve the same goal at that age :)

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