I have a elderly couple I have worked with for 2 years. The wife just went through a stroke and lost her memory of her husband for a while. It was very very sad, he would be helping her and she didn't know who he was and screamed that there was a man in her room..the whole bit. But bless the husband...he stood true, left if she asked, and just continued to show her so much love and compassion that she got some memory back...but otherwise fell in love with him all over again!
So, last night they decided to make love so they asked very polietly if the caregivers did not interupt them for an hour or two. The caregiver certainly agreed and worked out a code knock system for when she could come in and give them their evening meds so as not to disturb them...awesome!
But alas...a nurse put a stop to this! Her reasoning is that the woman is volunerable, unable to make that choice, must...at her age...have an atophied uterus/vaginia, and can not achieve lubrication. Then she proceeded to say..get this..a man of 93 can NOT get an erection!
I was friggen floored! I told her that this was a very healthy responce, it is a dignity issue, and that you can have sexual intercourse at that age and that is was a natural healthy way for a man and wife to show their love for one another...she thought I was off my rocker!
I arranged a private dinner in their room tonight, caregivers are NOT to go in until the call light is pulled at 2200 to signal they may come in, and even took the wife aside and asked about any lubrication needs she may have and I could have those ordered. She did take me up on that offer because "I want him to love me again, and being that close is so wonderful!~".
90's don't mean you are sexually dead, and I can't believe someone would tell a man and wife NO! Makes me sick!
I also found that some of my widowed female residents have personal massage aids as well...and three women had them taken away once the management found out. I said..well if that is the case, then we better mitten the hands of some of the gents?!?!? My goodness...you have a sexual loving healthy relationship till your mate dies..and you have to give it all up (even if it is self???).
What are your thoughts on sexual health of the elderly??? I think it is an important part of being a human being, and a great way to relieve stress and feel good about yourself no matter what your age (age of consent of course)....
I work at a nursing home, and we had a couple meet and marry. They were a beautiful loving couple, who enjoyed each other not just emotionally but physically also. One day the doctor failed to knock on their closed door and walked in to see first hand just how physically attracted they were to each other!! He had the REDDIST face !! Just goes to show that even Dr.s don't understand/comprehend that just cause you're old don't mean you're dead (sexually!!) Personally I hope my ol' man is still bopping me like a teenager when we are 99!!!!! We have no right as nurses to deny any one whos of age and consenting of physical pleasure. I think we just don't want to think of our parents or grandparents having sex or needing intimacy. Its just 'eeewy" to think of, lol!!! if you arent comfortable with your own feelings in that department.
(We also had an elderly resident, that when ya did peri-care on her she would say kiss-it, kiss-it, kiss-it...that was kinda freaky!!!)
I'll be sixty, in August, and hope I am still sexually active when I am in my 90s :) This question was addressed when I was in grad school, in the middle 70s, you would be surprised at the attitudes of some. But then again, you might not be
I think that nursing home caregivers need to be re-educated about elder sexuality. It is amazing how closeminded some people are in this day and time. It is not just that they feel uncomfortable about them having sex, I have actually heard nurses and cnas say "that's gross!" I am always amazed at how some people think. This subject really does need to be addressed in all facilities.
You guys are awesome and thanks for the support! Maybe I should specialize in geri sexual health..I didn't know I was so passionate (no pun intended) on this issue!
I was watching "Meet the Fockers" and I LOVED his mother for teaching sexual health to the elderly! I thought "wow, that is sooooo cool and needed!". LOL! Okay...so I guess a movie got me thinking..and now I am very interested in helping geriatrics be able to express themselves sexually through all the stereotypes and taboos (even their own views...that keeps many away from a healthy sexual livestyle).
GO figure..a wannabe ED nurse go Geri Sexual health..LOL! Who would have known..but it seems to really actually be a calling :)!
Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.
Yeah, I think it is an uncomfortable situation for healthcare providers at times...but hey..it is a natural part of being alive!
Now I get dissed for being "too open"...they think I am some perve for standing up and saying..."it is their right, not only given in our own American rights...life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...but it is a right as a living being!".
OH well..I am keeping with this! I think I opened a few eyes at my work! The caregivers/CNA's don't find it bad at all...lit is suprisingly the other nurses! Ummmmmm didn't we all take a course in sexual health????
NorthernRose
42 Posts
I work at a nursing home, and we had a couple meet and marry. They were a beautiful loving couple, who enjoyed each other not just emotionally but physically also. One day the doctor failed to knock on their closed door and walked in to see first hand just how physically attracted they were to each other!! He had the REDDIST face !! Just goes to show that even Dr.s don't understand/comprehend that just cause you're old don't mean you're dead (sexually!!) Personally I hope my ol' man is still bopping me like a teenager when we are 99!!!!! We have no right as nurses to deny any one whos of age and consenting of physical pleasure. I think we just don't want to think of our parents or grandparents having sex or needing intimacy. Its just 'eeewy" to think of, lol!!! if you arent comfortable with your own feelings in that department.
(We also had an elderly resident, that when ya did peri-care on her she would say kiss-it, kiss-it, kiss-it...that was kinda freaky!!!)