I asked the boys, about 40 of them, aged from 16-18 if they'd ever watched Media, and they all laughed.
'Shall I take that as a yes?' I asked, and there were further chuckles and nodding heads all round.
You see, as the school nurse, I'd been asked to talk to the senior boys about 'sex and all that sort of stuff.' With such vague guidelines, I chose to talk about an area that has been coming an ever increasing concern.
'Do you like it?' I asked, and no one said outright they liked it.
'Do you think it's healthy or harmful?' They all said it's harmless, because the participants were consenting adults. So I asked them what's their favorite type of Media, and the answers were varied, although hot young blondes, and horny teens topped the list of favorites.
'Was that 'horny teen' legal?' I asked, and the laughter died away. They'd never thought of that before, they'd also never thought of sex-slavery, but now wasn't the right time to talk about that, as I felt they would stop listening if I started lecturing.
Although Ivan, one of the Russian lads raised his hand in protest. 'But sir, I only watch **** Media.' The room erupted, and the merits of **** Media were briefly discussed. I decided to get personal.
I asked them to raise their if they wanted to get married and have kids one day, and they all raised their hands.
'So what age is it okay for your son to watch Media?' They paused, giving it serious thought, before generally deciding that around 14yrs old is good.
'And what age is it okay for your daughter to watch Media?' I was greeted with silence.
No one wanted their daughter to ever watch Media, because deep inside of them, they know Media is not good, and they know it is degrading to women, regardless of consent.
We talked about other things, from relationship to STD's, but only briefly, because there's only so much you can teach them in one-off, one hour session.
But I wasn't there to lecture them, but hopefully to get them to think.
Also, while I'm always happy to have a conversation about things like gender stereotypes, how socialization affects boys and girls, and a lot of issues that relate to having relationships that are healthy for everyone involved... I think the generally accepted concept of sex education isn't that it's a philosophy class, but that it's a class about safety, pregnancy, and disease. Issues of healthy relationships are an important topic, but so are the mechanics of how not to get pregnant, and the OP suggests that if that was discussed at all it was brief and secondary.
While Media is a hot topic for some people, I think that it is more important to teach this age group about safe sex, birth control (including emergency contraceptives), STD's and consent.
If you absolutely HAVE to bring up Media, you can briefly mention that Media is not realistic and that some kinds of Media is illegal and can get you in a lot of trouble (such as Media involving minors or animals)
In my opinion, (legal) Media is not damaging. I found my dad's Mediao mags at a very young age in the top drawer of his dresser, and I can attest that it did not damage my young mind.
I can only speak for my individual experience, but we need some actual useful sex ed. The sex ed I received from my catholic middle school and high school was very similar to that of Mean Girls "Don't have sex. Because you will get chlamydia. And die." We never talked about contraceptives, STD's, nothing.
I think that telling a group of teenage boys that Media is bad would be falling on deaf ears.
ADD: I would also like to ask why is Media seen as degrading to women, but it's not considered degrading to men?
If you read my posts, I've been clear that it damages the human dignity of all involved with it. I never said it was only degrading to women.
Heron, I absolutely adore your posts on this thread. Thank you for your level head and wisdom. :)
Also, my kids attend schools that use the Socratic method, so I always enjoy seeing advocacy for that as well. I find it hilarious many times that all I do is ask questions and assert nothing, and man, people get super PO'ed! I think many people REALLY hate being forced to think.
I disagree. I thought of this when I saw the username, but I have to say that the OP presented a real observation in the pot thread, and asked quite valid questions about how we are handling the question of pot use in kids. The only indignant replies I read were from other posters. But that's just me.
I believe s/he is presenting a real observation here, too. I find it interesting to note that both threads address aspects of known addictions. Plus, this one concerns sexual ethics. You are right, vanilla bean, it is explosive ... maybe too much for AN. But I don't think s/he's a troll.
Also, I get the impression that the OP is in Great Britain or somewhere in the Commonwealth. British culture is one of the roots of our own in the US. I consider his/her observations to be worth considering.
Anyway, I wish I had thought to ask my son these questions:
My boy is now father to a son and a daughter ... I bet he's asking those questions now!
While I disagree that we should be teaching morals in school, I do think we can do a better job of teaching ethics, both in school and at home. These days, adolescents have to think through these issues for themselves. Almost by definition many parents have little to no moral authority for many teens. Teens are ignorant of most realities outside their own lives and are busily soaking up popular culture. Many of them turn to their equally ignorant peer groups for validation rather than to their parents.
The OP is talking about 14-year-olds. When my son was 14, he was a raving homophobe ... and anyone who's read my posts here knows that he sure didn't learn that at home. Eventually, he acknowledged that his own experience proved his peer group of the time to be wrong. But it took a few years and a few "outsiders" asking these kinds of questions to promote that growth. Anything I had to say about the subject got blown off.
Sometimes, when a question makes us angry or uncomfortable, it's because it scares us to think about the possible answer.
I see Media addiction as definitely a sexual health issue, along with unrealistic expectations of sexual relationships, female physicality and sexual responses.
My point is, from what was written in the OP, he didn't present anything. He asked questions. Didn't even follow up on the answers, just asked the questions. He presented opinions to us in his posting, but not, that I could see, to the kids.
I don't suppose I should be as surprised as I am at the various interpretations I'm seeing here. They killed Socrates for the same behavior.
FWIW, the OP comes across to me as somewhat of a social conservative, and I disagree with most of what he's stated as his own opinions both in this thread and in the others some of us are obsessing over.
However, I refuse to fault him for raising questions, here or in his school. I have to say it again, it's a pretty flimsy morality/philosophy/practice that can't deal with a little critical thinking.
If you read my posts, I've been clear that it damages the human dignity of all involved with it. I never said it was only degrading to women.
Heron, I absolutely adore your posts on this thread. Thank you for your level head and wisdom. :)
Also, my kids attend schools that use the Socratic method, so I always enjoy seeing advocacy for that as well. I find it hilarious many times that all I do is ask questions and assert nothing, and man, people get super PO'ed! I think many people REALLY hate being forced to think.
I know folks have said they don't like people using "THIS" and pointing up.
Part of me wants to share a very personal story so people could understand my point of view but at the same time I have a horrible feeling that things may get held against me.
I don't necessarily agree with Media, but there are things much worse out there that I worry about my children coming in contact with.
Part of me wants to share a very personal story so people could understand my point of view but at the same time I have a horrible feeling that things may get held against me.
I don't necessarily agree with Media, but there are things much worse out there that I worry about my children coming in contact with.
I feel moved to say I am sorry about whatever it is you can't share - for the experience of whatever it was and for understanding your reticence to share on a public venue. I don't share many things here.
I do think though that just because one example is worse than another, that doesn't negate that the lesser one is also not a good idea. That's a bit like false dichotomy.
The pain of a burn can be worse than the pain of a compound fracture but that doesn't mean a compound fracture doesn't hurt.
I would never put down someone or brush them off because I feel as though what I went through was worse. You seem to misunderstand what I was trying to convey. People are sharing their views due to the Bible, their culture, enhanced morals. I just wanted to share my view on it.
I do feel that, once again, there are worse things facing our youth than Mediaography. That's all. Media is not the evil to end all evils.
Dogen
897 Posts
Also, while I'm always happy to have a conversation about things like gender stereotypes, how socialization affects boys and girls, and a lot of issues that relate to having relationships that are healthy for everyone involved... I think the generally accepted concept of sex education isn't that it's a philosophy class, but that it's a class about safety, pregnancy, and disease. Issues of healthy relationships are an important topic, but so are the mechanics of how not to get pregnant, and the OP suggests that if that was discussed at all it was brief and secondary.