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Sex-ed

Posted

I asked the boys, about 40 of them, aged from 16-18 if they'd ever watched porn, and they all laughed.

'Shall I take that as a yes?' I asked, and there were further chuckles and nodding heads all round.

You see, as the school nurse, I'd been asked to talk to the senior boys about 'sex and all that sort of stuff.' With such vague guidelines, I chose to talk about an area that has been coming an ever increasing concern.

'Do you like it?' I asked, and no one said outright they liked it.

'Do you think it's healthy or harmful?' They all said it's harmless, because the participants were consenting adults. So I asked them what's their favorite type of porn, and the answers were varied, although hot young blondes, and horny teens topped the list of favorites.

'Was that 'horny teen' legal?' I asked, and the laughter died away. They'd never thought of that before, they'd also never thought of sex-slavery, but now wasn't the right time to talk about that, as I felt they would stop listening if I started lecturing.

Although Ivan, one of the Russian lads raised his hand in protest. 'But sir, I only watch **** porn.' The room erupted, and the merits of **** porn were briefly discussed. I decided to get personal.

I asked them to raise their if they wanted to get married and have kids one day, and they all raised their hands.

'So what age is it okay for your son to watch porn?' They paused, giving it serious thought, before generally deciding that around 14yrs old is good.

'And what age is it okay for your daughter to watch porn?' I was greeted with silence.

No one wanted their daughter to ever watch porn, because deep inside of them, they know porn is not good, and they know it is degrading to women, regardless of consent.

We talked about other things, from relationship to STD's, but only briefly, because there's only so much you can teach them in one-off, one hour session.

But I wasn't there to lecture them, but hopefully to get them to think.

Luckyyou, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU. Has 10 years experience.

This poster cannot be for real. :sarcastic:

New account, three new threads about controversial topics in one day, and indignant replies to comments... I smell fresh-baked troll.

Red Kryptonite

Specializes in hospice. Has 3 years experience.

Because porn usage is totally healthy, and never involves abuse or sex trafficking, and totally doesn't damage the ability of people to form meaningful relationships, right?

ETA: I saw this just a few days ago: Lost innocence: Why girls are having rough sex at 12 | Australian Women's Weekly

And before anyone starts up with "that's not peer-reviewed!" duh, I know that. But it is an article that shows concerns from professionals who deal with children.

Edited by Red Kryptonite

I'm trying to show some of the difficulties that are facing teenagers these days, but I'm obviously not doing a good of showing it.

Perhaps I should explain a bit better some of the huge problems we face in school due to porn. It is my belief that it is the biggest danger facing children today. And while I avoid doing it, I almost feel we need to start teaching kids about morals.

Do you know that last time we had a talk on relationships, with the 4th formers (14yr olds) I confiscated a phone of two boys who were giggling, and they were about to watch porn involving a goat.They thought it was harmless, they weren't even shocked.

Have you ever noticed a sudden change in a 10yr old girl, that no one picked up on, and when you bring it to the attention of teachers/parents, discover that on her phone, she'd stumbled across porn, and in two weeks of this, it had affected her. She's in counseling right now, and the parents are feeling so guilty because they thought the phone protected.

Do you know that those protections parents put in on online are useless, and kids effortlessly bypass them, 'hide my ass' is only one site of many they use to get around porn filters.

Your comments is insulting. I've worked with children for the last ten years, and I'm disgusted at you.

How would you handle a sex-ed talk, when the Russians believe gay people should be shot, while the Saudis want to hang them. I'm sure in your politically correct, non-judgmental world you'd somehow manage to get through to them, good luck.

Red Kryptonite

Specializes in hospice. Has 3 years experience.

I'm trying to show some of the difficulties that are facing teenagers these days, but I'm obviously not doing a good of showing it.

Perhaps I should explain a bit better some of the huge problems we face in school due to porn. It is my belief that it is the biggest danger facing children today. And while I avoid doing it, I almost feel we need to start teaching kids about morals.

Do you know that last time we had a talk on relationships, with the 4th formers (14yr olds) I confiscated a phone of two boys who were giggling, and they were about to watch porn involving a goat.They thought it was harmless, they weren't even shocked.

Have you ever noticed a sudden change in a 10yr old girl, that no one picked up on, and when you bring it to the attention of teachers/parents, discover that on her phone, she'd stumbled across porn, and in two weeks of this, it had affected her. She's in counseling right now, and the parents are feeling so guilty because they thought the phone protected.

Do you know that those protections parents put in on online are useless, and kids effortlessly bypass them, 'hide my ass' is only one site of many they use to get around porn filters.

Your comments is insulting. I've worked with children for the last ten years, and I'm disgusted at you.

How would you handle a sex-ed talk, when the Russians believe gay people should be shot, while the Saudis want to hang them. I'm sure in your politically correct, non-judgmental world you'd somehow manage to get through to them, good luck.

Did you just copy this from the other thread?

Yes I did, because I felt it important, and gives some perspective, because on this site, it appears that sharing snippets of your experiences, to get people to think, is pointless, as they jump on you and accuse

Your job as a school nurse is not to teach kids morals. Parents have the right to teach their children whatever they would like to as far as their family stance on sex and sexuality. Which in a perfect world, would be non-judgemental.

However, any sex ed talk at school should be after the content of your education is reviewed by parents, and permission slip is signed that they are consenting to you teaching their kids sex ed. In America, this is what happens at any number of schools. It is important to note that in my experience, kids that are in large groups of same aged peers are going to jump on the train, laugh, giggle and carry on and look for shock value, as for most it gets the teacher off of a very personal subject.

With all that being said, some kids will look at whatever they can on video websites, from sex to burping contents and find them equally hysterical. Kids can also read "romantic" novels that involve vampires and werewolves and lots of sexual tension. Parents can choose to deal with each situation as they see fit to, as every kid who watches porn or reads porn is not immoral. And shaming them into thinking they are is not right.

Again, as I mentioned in another thread on a controversial subject, if one is at the point in their career that there is a real burnout factor, that what was dealt with in a professional manner with parent input is now a source of jaded contempt, now would be the time to take a look at how you can perhaps talk with someone who can assist one in putting this all in perspective.

Best wishes.

dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN

Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage. Has 8 years experience.

So when did ya'all ladies start looking at porn, if you did? I was probably 13 or 14. This was the late 90s. Mostly pics with a few verrrrry slowly downloaded files.

My husband and I watched porn together in the early years of our relationship. This was back in the early aughts when going to an actual store for your porn was still acceptable. Not everyone had broadband!

loriangel14, RN

Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

Yeah probably early teens.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN

Specializes in ICU.

I'm trying to understand what porn has to do with a sex ed conversation. Your job was to go in and talk about protection from pregnancy and protection from STDs. Instead, you went in and talked to teenage boys about porn.

I think at some point every child, especially boys get curious. They just do. I am totally bracing myself and hope my son never does? Yeah right. At nine he's gradually becoming aware of sexuality. But access to it is everywhere. And I don't think it's up to you to judge anyone who watches it. I have never met a man who hasn't watched at least one in their lifetime. I would also have mentioned that maybe it brings unreal expectations to a relationship, but you got into sexual trafficking and the double standard of boys and girls with them? Are you a teacher or a nurse?

Frankly, as a parent, I would be irritated with you. I talk to my child, we have had great talks from drugs, to alcohol, to smoking. It's been very abstract on sex, but maybe in the next year.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN

Specializes in ICU.

Oh, now I see from your other posts. I don't even believe you are a school nurse here in America. We have our own culture here, the way we do things. They are not going to be the same around the world.

You seem maybe a little obsessed with sex and decency in our culture. Remember not everything Hollywood puts out is true, and you need to get a grip. Stop trying to incite trouble here.

LadyFree28, BSN, RN

Specializes in Pediatrics, Rehab, Trauma. Has 10 years experience.

Oh, now I see from your other posts. I don't even believe you are a school nurse here in America. We have our own culture here, the way we do things. They are not going to be the same around the world.

You seem maybe a little obsessed with sex and decency in our culture. Remember not everything Hollywood puts out is true, and you need to get a grip. Stop trying to incite trouble here.

You said it better than I did! :up:

klone, MSN, RN

Specializes in Women's Health/OB Leadership. Has 15 years experience.

It is my belief that it is the biggest danger facing children today.

I thought that was marijuana?

Been there,done that, ASN, RN

Has 33 years experience.

New account, three new threads about controversial topics in one day, and indignant replies to comments... I smell fresh-baked troll.

Oh yeah. This one needs to go.... mods???

JenTheSchoolRN, BSN, RN

Specializes in School nursing.

Your job as a school nurse is not to teach kids morals. Parents have the right to teach their children whatever they would like to as far as their family stance on sex and sexuality. Which in a perfect world, would be non-judgemental.

However, any sex ed talk at school should be after the content of your education is reviewed by parents, and permission slip is signed that they are consenting to you teaching their kids sex ed. In America, this is what happens at any number of schools. It is important to note that in my experience, kids that are in large groups of same aged peers are going to jump on the train, laugh, giggle and carry on and look for shock value, as for most it gets the teacher off of a very personal subject.

With all that being said, some kids will look at whatever they can on video websites, from sex to burping contents and find them equally hysterical. Kids can also read "romantic" novels that involve vampires and werewolves and lots of sexual tension. Parents can choose to deal with each situation as they see fit to, as every kid who watches porn or reads porn is not immoral. And shaming them into thinking they are is not right.

Again, as I mentioned in another thread on a controversial subject, if one is at the point in their career that there is a real burnout factor, that what was dealt with in a professional manner with parent input is now a source of jaded contempt, now would be the time to take a look at how you can perhaps talk with someone who can assist one in putting this all in perspective.

Best wishes.

I am a school nurse that teaches sex education to 7th, 8th, and 10th graders. I want to like this post x10.

Porn is not shameful. If I am asked about it in class, I present a fact (all my teaching is strictly fact based - my personal feelings on any subject have no place in a sex ed classroom) - watching porn is legal for those over the age of 18. I mention that like many situations in movies or TV, it is often not a good representation of a healthy relationship (and sometimes ask for examples of a healthy relationship between two people). Then we move on and the kids move past it very well - it's shock value.

But again, I am not here to teach student morals, just to present fact to help them make healthier decisions in a non-judgmental environment and guide them into more in depth conversations with a caring adult.

I will say, I think the way you steered the conversation was too personal and interjecting your own values into the classroom.

Edited by JenTheSchoolRN

Farawyn

Has 25 years experience.

Oh yeah. This one needs to go.... mods???

Noooooo! Can't we keep him for awhile? Please?

heron, ASN, RN

Specializes in Hospice. Has 40 years experience.

This poster cannot be for real. :sarcastic:

New account, three new threads about controversial topics in one day, and indignant replies to comments... I smell fresh-baked troll.

I disagree. I thought of this when I saw the username, but I have to say that the OP presented a real observation in the pot thread, and asked quite valid questions about how we are handling the question of pot use in kids. The only indignant replies I read were from other posters. But that's just me.

I believe s/he is presenting a real observation here, too. I find it interesting to note that both threads address aspects of known addictions. Plus, this one concerns sexual ethics. You are right, vanilla bean, it is explosive ... maybe too much for AN. But I don't think s/he's a troll.

Also, I get the impression that the OP is in Great Britain or somewhere in the Commonwealth. British culture is one of the roots of our own in the US. I consider his/her observations to be worth considering.

Anyway, I wish I had thought to ask my son these questions:

I asked them to raise their if they wanted to get married and have kids one day, and they all raised their hands.

'So what age is it okay for your son to watch porn?' They paused, giving it serious thought, before generally deciding that around 14yrs old is good.

'And what age is it okay for your daughter to watch porn?' I was greeted with silence.

My boy is now father to a son and a daughter ... I bet he's asking those questions now!

While I disagree that we should be teaching morals in school, I do think we can do a better job of teaching ethics, both in school and at home. These days, adolescents have to think through these issues for themselves. Almost by definition many parents have little to no moral authority for many teens. Teens are ignorant of most realities outside their own lives and are busily soaking up popular culture. Many of them turn to their equally ignorant peer groups for validation rather than to their parents.

The OP is talking about 14-year-olds. When my son was 14, he was a raving homophobe ... and anyone who's read my posts here knows that he sure didn't learn that at home. Eventually, he acknowledged that his own experience proved his peer group of the time to be wrong. But it took a few years and a few "outsiders" asking these kinds of questions to promote that growth. Anything I had to say about the subject got blown off.

Sometimes, when a question makes us angry or uncomfortable, it's because it scares us to think about the possible answer.