Seriously?!?! You gotta be kidding me!

Nurses General Nursing

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Ok here is another thread we can hopefully get going for nurse veterans and young nurses to see what's to come. What are some of the craziest chief complaints or diagnosis you have seen. I don't want to limit it to chief complaint because that tends to be associated with only emergency.

I could name so many but to start the 2 that made me roll my eyes and say Seriously??

Pt came in with a complaint of "excessive anal sweating" stated that his butt crack had profuse sweating and it was impeding his life. Even after D/C came back hours later for same thing. I can not tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face during that triage.

Another patient came in OFTEN with complaints of feeling faint after excessive masturbation. :| His last D/C he was instructed to cut back on masturbation but apparently it was still an issue and he would come in for near syncope.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Saw a patient once who had gotten a tetorifice shot for an injury corrected in the doctor's office 1 year ago...still had the bandaid on!

It couldn't possibly have stayed on for a year. He must have kept replacing it!

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Back in my L/D days I heard it all....so it seemed.

til a patient came in through ER saying, and I quote:

"my Monkey is Funky".

Yes, she had trich. yea it was funky. But hearing her say that, I was just between laughing and being dumbfounded. I had to leave the room for 5 minutes to ....um...get my professional bearing before performing her speculum exam.

Isn't that a flavour of Ben and Jerry's?

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Specializes in ED.

Knew a patient who came in to the ER worried because his foot had turned green. I work with an older veteran population so I thought the worst for him. Upon taking off his socks, indeed his foot was green. REALLY GREEN. Like ridiculously bright neon green. Turns out he had been soaking his foot in mint green rubbing alcohol, hence turning his foot green.

Also had a patient that was worried because his leg was turning blue. Didn't account for the brand spanking new blue sweat pants he was wearing on a hot day.

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

Patient presented during a blizzard. Complaint: erectile dysfunction x 12 years. We did not solve his problem during that very brief visit. :D

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Specializes in Adult Nurse Practitioner.

Triciaj...hope it was true...but NOT! The bandaid was filthy and when we removed it, the pink skin against his "tan" said everyting. He had not cleaned the area so the bandaid wouldn't come off. As others have said...you just can't make some of this stuff up.

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Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
"flat out"---- no pun intended right??? LOL

Hahahaha! I didn't do that intentionally, I swear! I didn't even notice until you pointed it out!

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Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
Patient presented during a blizzard. Complaint: erectile dysfunction x 12 years. We did not solve his problem during that very brief visit. :D

Well, you know, what else is there to do during a blizzard?

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.
Well, you know, what else is there to do during a blizzard?

Yes, I could see how that constituted an emergency!! Hahahaha

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Specializes in Med/Surg, LTACH, LTC, Home Health.

I had a patient transferred from the ER into the holding unit with a diagnosis of body odor and malodorous decubitus ulcer. Yes it smelled awful! It could be smelled all out in the hallway. Prior to transfer, an order was placed for wound care referral in the morning.

We I spoke to this alert and oriented person and asked when was the last time the dressing was changed, he stated "3-4 days ago". So, I removed this old, feces-smeared, dried-drainage-glued-on dressing and discarded it, sprayed the wound with wound cleanser, and applied a simple wet-to-dry dressing after the tech had given him a bath. The odor miraculously disappeared! No need for isolation or room deodorizers.

When the Resident physician came to the unit to follow-up on this patient, he thought the patient had been taken up to the assigned unit because the odor was gone. No one had even attempted to remove the dressing and assess the wound. It was a horrible smell, orders to admit were given, and antibiotics started.

The patient does his own dressing changes since he refuses home health, and had simply decided not to change this daily dressings in nearly a week. Of course it was going to smell to high Heaven.

The take-away from this: if it stinks, just wash it. Ok? If you stink, just bathe. It's not rocket science.

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"I have a wedding to go to. I want to feel better"

Yea the waiting room is over there.

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Psych consult assessment in the ER. PT kept repeating he was suffering from Psycho Ceramics and nothing else. No sxs except the constant muttering. CAT, MRI scans, blood work, neuro consult because his volume was increasing. Three hours later an eighteen year old candy striper walks by and hears the muttering, comes into the Nurses station and said that she saw a patient who kept saying he was a crack pot. "Psycho Ceramics"

About ten staff, with a century of experience and couldn't figure it out.:blink:

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I was in triage and a pt comes in and I ask what brings him in and he said, "I'm congested." So I asked how long he had had these symptoms while mentally screaming this is why walk in clinics exist and he replied "20 minutes." Apparently he got congested and IMMEDIATEY got into his car and drove to the ER. He later started swearing at me when he was still in the waiting room an hour later because, ya know, congestion for 20 minutes prior to arrival doesn't get you to the back anytime soon.

Sounds like a traffic situation to me. Didn't he know any other route?:wacky:

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