Ok here is another thread we can hopefully get going for nurse veterans and young nurses to see what's to come. What are some of the craziest chief complaints or diagnosis you have seen. I don't want to limit it to chief complaint because that tends to be associated with only emergency.
I could name so many but to start the 2 that made me roll my eyes and say Seriously??
Pt came in with a complaint of "excessive anal sweating" stated that his butt crack had profuse sweating and it was impeding his life. Even after D/C came back hours later for same thing. I can not tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face during that triage.
Another patient came in OFTEN with complaints of feeling faint after excessive masturbation. :| His last D/C he was instructed to cut back on masturbation but apparently it was still an issue and he would come in for near syncope.
Had a guy come in concerned about "thick white fluid from his member" at random times. He said he didn't think it was cum. The PA is all..."so...pre cum?" I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Patient was having burning with urination. Discovered her contraceptive ring had been somehow inserted in her URETHRA. All of us were scratching our heads on that one. Had to have been some lube involved somewhere, surely.
I was in triage and a pt comes in and I ask what brings him in and he said, "I'm congested." So I asked how long he had had these symptoms while mentally screaming this is why walk in clinics exist and he replied "20 minutes." Apparently he got congested and IMMEDIATEY got into his car and drove to the ER. He later started swearing at me when he was still in the waiting room an hour later because, ya know, congestion for 20 minutes prior to arrival doesn't get you to the back anytime soon.
Gosh!! I cannot believe it . How old is She? and cannot feel the betadine has been sticked around her lady parts . What an unbeliable story!!!
""Doc goes into the room with a standby and wouldn't you know that the patients lady parts had ACTUALLY BEEN *CLOSED* SHUT!!! She left out that she had a colposcopy that morning. (would be surprised she even was trying to have sex but nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to that) Turns out that used a ton of betadine and the patient never cleaned after or they didn't.""
End result was that the betadine was so tacky and there was so much of it that the opening to her lady parts had literally been stuck together.""
Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
Bicycle pump where the sun don't shine. At least the guy flat out admitted why he stuck it there and didn't try to come up with some crazy wild tale that no one would have believed anyway.
Those are both kind of 'whaa-a-a-a-t?'. The masturbation pt. reminds me of some of the kids you school nurses have reported - 'it hurts when I move my arm like this', etc. I mean, if you're feeling faint if you keep masturbating, then maybe you're DOING IT TOO MUCH, patient!
Patient was having burning with urination. Discovered her contraceptive ring had been somehow inserted in her URETHRA. All of us were scratching our heads on that one. Had to have been some lube involved somewhere, surely.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Back in my L/D days I heard it all....so it seemed.
til a patient came in through ER saying, and I quote:
"my Monkey is Funky".
Yes, she had trich. yea it was funky. But hearing her say that, I was just between laughing and being dumbfounded. I had to leave the room for 5 minutes to ....um...get my professional bearing before performing her speculum exam.
Nursing school ER triage in August - guy came in to ER with a rash (very hot August day.) How long have you had this rash? "Since November." And this is an emergency today why?????? End of the triage line.......
NickiLaughs, ADN, BSN, RN
2,387 Posts
Had a guy come in concerned about "thick white fluid from his member" at random times. He said he didn't think it was cum. The PA is all..."so...pre cum?" I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.