Seriously?!?! You gotta be kidding me!

SmilingBluEyes · Apr 22, 2017

Bicycle pump where the sun don't shine. At least the guy flat out admitted why he stuck it there and didn't try to come up with some crazy wild tale that no one would have believed anyway.

"flat out"---- no pun intended right??? LOL

CCU BSN RN · Apr 22, 2017

Abdominal pain started 2h after eating mcdonalds. Admitted to tele for a full cardiac workup. Arrived with 4 more burgers in a mcdonalds bag and was irate when told he was NPO for stress test or cath in AM.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Apr 22, 2017

Gosh!! I cannot believe it . How old is She? and cannot feel the betadine has been sticked around her lady parts . What an unbeliable story!!!
""Doc goes into the room with a standby and wouldn't you know that the patients lady parts had ACTUALLY BEEN *CLOSED* SHUT!!! She left out that she had a colposcopy that morning. (would be surprised she even was trying to have sex but nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to that) Turns out that used a ton of betadine and the patient never cleaned after or they didn't.""
End result was that the betadine was so tacky and there was so much of it that the opening to her lady parts had literally been stuck together.""

She was young 20's. As unbelievable as stories like this seem, they are far more common then people would think. It just usually doesn't turn out that the complaint was actually legitimate, like it was in this case.

allnurses Guide · Apr 22, 2017

We had someone come in one night, saying that the bald spot on his head looked strange and he was worried.

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B · Apr 22, 2017

Monkey butt affects millions of Americans every year with no cure in sight. Please show some respect.

Fire_Girl · Apr 22, 2017

Not a work story, but when I was married to my first husband, his father had serious heart problems and very poor health. His cholesterol was sky high and he was super obese. One day while he was at work, he started having chest tightness and pain. He has his buddy drive him to the hopital, but not before stopping at a coney island to get a Coney (for those not from Detroit its a hot dog, with chilli, nacho cheese, and onion on it) and fries. He was seriously sitting there eating them, when the Dr came into the room to check him out. Leads on his chest and everything.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 23, 2017

Not a work story, but when I was married to my first husband, his father had serious heart problems and very poor health. His cholesterol was sky high and he was super obese. One day while he was at work, he started having chest tightness and pain. He has his buddy drive him to the hopital, but not before stopping at a coney island to get a Coney (for those not from Detroit its a hot dog, with chilli, nacho cheese, and onion on it) and fries. He was seriously sitting there eating them, when the Dr came into the room to check him out. Leads on his chest and everything.

I'll remember to the end of my life a patient who was pleading his case to a doctor who was to present him to heart transplant board so the patient could be put on the waiting list. The board, not surprisingly, is a kind of secretive and very powerful group and getting on the List involves patient's agreement with many limitations. A patient waiting for the new heart must always be within X miles/minutes from hospital, never drink alcohol, etc., and, of course, be adamantly compliant with all treatments ordered, to the point.

The doctor was a young cardiologist who really got pity of the patient who spent years trying to kill his heart by any means available but then was sitting in his room crying, together with at least a dozen of his family members. So the doctor worked more than diligently several days in a row to present this patient's case really well. The patient got preliminary approval for the List and was about to be moved next day for LVAD placement. That night, we had to call the doctor and ask him to go back ASAP... the patient was found eating a bucket of KFC fried chicken with all trimmings while smoking a cigar. His only one question was: is it past midnight ALREADY?

The poor doctor almost got a heart attack himself.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 23, 2017

Abdominal pain started 2h after eating mcdonalds. Admitted to tele for a full cardiac workup. Arrived with 4 more burgers in a mcdonalds bag and was irate when told he was NPO for stress test or cath in AM.

Oh, the guy who ate half a dozen of doughnuts 6 hours before surgery, on the premice "I was told that I can eat everything if I can see through it". He could see through those holes in the doughnuts just fine, so he thought he figured it all right...

Fire_Girl · Apr 23, 2017

HAHAHAHAHAHA

No heart for that guy!

Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN · Apr 23, 2017

Back when the ED did paper charting, we on the floor did have the chance to read the chief complaint in addition to the admission diagnosis. Typically they went together, even the more colorful ones. (i.e. "I'm only breathing with one lung" admitted with ptx. HE was not wrong!)

I've always liked these ones:

"My stomach hurts and I ate peanut butter last night" (this was during the Peter Pan peanut butter crisis of 07) - ended up admitted for HHNK

"My thighs hurt from masturbating too much" - admitted for infected chronic foot wound (also would hold in his urine so we'd have to straight cath him)

"My mom cleaned out my Neti-Pot with vinegar" - this one ended up having a panic attack/asthma attack combo that led to status asthmaticus and required intubation (she did fine)

The docs in my facility were pretty darn good about only admitting people who were worthy of admission (I have a few who weren't but they aren't as interesting) but this one woman...I admitted her around 4 AM - dx suspected sepsis. Labs, vitals, assessment all fine, was already on abx at home. When I asked what led to her coming to the ED, she said, "oh, I felt hot!" A little more prodding and turns out that she *thought* her temperature was 108. The ED nurse informed her that she'd probably read her thermometer wrong and her temp was most likely 100.8. She agreed with the ED nurse but still she felt hot and got admitted. Waste of time.

TriciaJ, RN · Apr 23, 2017

Ok here is another thread we can hopefully get going for nurse veterans and young nurses to see what's to come. What are some of the craziest chief complaints or diagnosis you have seen. I don't want to limit it to chief complaint because that tends to be associated with only emergency.
I could name so many but to start the 2 that made me roll my eyes and say Seriously??
Pt came in with a complaint of "excessive anal sweating" stated that his butt crack had profuse sweating and it was impeding his life. Even after D/C came back hours later for same thing. I can not tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face during that triage.
Another patient came in OFTEN with complaints of feeling faint after excessive masturbation. :| His last D/C he was instructed to cut back on masturbation but apparently it was still an issue and he would come in for near syncope.

Apparently no one told him he'd go blind. You should tell him fainting is normal but he should definitely return if he starts losing visual acuity.

TriciaJ, RN · Apr 23, 2017

Into the ER with a complaint of right foot turning green. Wouldn't you know, it came right off with an alcohol prep.
Seen on an ER tracker: webbed toes coming apart. Guess you can't fight evolution. Or Darwin. Or something. Lol

Maybe an ex-Oregonian.