Say What??????!!!!!!!!!!

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Say what??????/What is the strangest:uhoh21: , or funniest :lol2: things your pt's have told you, or that you've heard!!!!!!!!!:uhoh3:

Specializes in ER, tele, vascular.

In allergy section pt put "I am allergic to dust mites".................Hmmmm who isn't?

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A man signed his wife into the ER with chief complaint "My wife is melting"

She had diarrhea.

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Specializes in acute care.

oh my goodness! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

A man signed his wife into the ER with chief complaint "My wife is melting"

She had diarrhea.

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I got a call from the hospital operator one night, telling me that the patient in Room Whatever had called her to tell her he couldn't find his call bell for the nurse. Ok....I go in the room, and there's the call bell, on his belly.

Seems he forgot that it was for more than changing TV channels.

And what did he actually NEED the nurse for? To CHANGE the channels, as he couldn't find anything to watch! What, do I look like a satellite dish to him??

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Specializes in Cardiovascular.

Had a patient ask if she'd be getting her heart pill, "End-it-all!" Took the nurse a minute to realize she meant Atenolol.

And of course, the patient who said she's on antibiotics for that "nasty ammonia" instead of pnemonia. That's a classic!

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Overheard a lab tech at the clinic where I work talking to the Dr. about a speciman a woman brought in. They said she told me this came out with her pee. I said let me see. I could not believe my eyes when I looked in the cup and saw a slip sinker. I started laughing so hard. When the lab tech asked me what was so funny, I told her what it was and that it was used for weight when you go fishing. The next thing out of my mouth was, How the hell did she get that in her bladder to pass it with her pee anyway. Still don't have the answer to that one.

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Specializes in Licensed Practical Nurse.

say what?

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Specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.

I just remembered this one, it was our hospital operator.

We had a nice gentleman and his wife (who was the patient) on our floor. I worked for a very large Catholic teaching hospital in the inner city. They were from out of state when she started having chest pain and they just followed the signs to us. Anyway, he was talking about just "driving around until he found a hotel and some place to eat." I very gently informed him that would NOT be a good idea in this neighborhood. (We competed with Gary, Indiania for per capita murders.) Anyway, I offered to call the Mother House and see if the sisters had an extra bed for him, they did and got him a tray for dinner. But the SAY WHAT moment was when I called the operator to connect me to the mother house.

Operator: St. E hospital, How can I help you?

Me: Hi, I need to speak with the nuns at the mother house.

Operator: Oh, how sweet, do you want to be a nun honey. (A bit of a stretch, IMHO)

Me: Uh, no. I have a gentleman on my floor than needs a place to stay tonight. BESIDES, I am happily married.

Operator: Oh, well, you know if your husband ever dies you can become a nun. Sister so and so is a grandmother of 3.

Long pause

Me: (Getting extremely hostile over someone casually talking of my darling husband dying) Yeah, well. Wouldn't happen. I couldn't live with out the sex ;)

Even longer pause::lol2:

Operator: I will connect you right through:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

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Patient waking up in PACU after surgery:" Which one of you ladies is goin' through the change o' life? It's freezing in here!"

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Specializes in NICU.
Patient waking up in PACU after surgery:" Which one of you ladies is goin' through the change o' life? It's freezing in here!"

:lol2: That's funny. The temperature at the nurse's station where I work varies a good ten degrees depending on who's charging that shift.

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Specializes in Licensed Practical Nurse.
overheard a lab tech at the clinic where i work talking to the dr. about a speciman a woman brought in. they said she told me this came out with her pee. i said let me see. i could not believe my eyes when i looked in the cup and saw a slip sinker. i started laughing so hard. when the lab tech asked me what was so funny, i told her what it was and that it was used for weight when you go fishing. the next thing out of my mouth was, how the hell did she get that in her bladder to pass it with her pee anyway. still don't have the answer to that one.

i can't believe this one. wouldn't that hurt coming out of the urethra? crazy stuff, let me tell you.:uhoh3:

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I love the attempts at pronouncing medical terms. I recently had a relative phone the ICU and ask when her brother was getting his tracheomity. Fortunately it was a phone call because I'm not sure I could have kept a straight face in person.

Also have hears some very amusing 'allergies' as a nurse in anaesthetics, always pays to ask what happens when the patient takes it.

"I'm allergic to adrenaline because it makes my heart race"

"I'm allergic to midazolam because it makes me feel light headed and I can't remember things"

I have the upmost respect for my patients (well most of the time) but still find things like this very funny

And there is also the constant amusement of female patients and relatives that come on to the young good looking doctors in the ICU. "When will I get my pills, sexy" was the most recent one. And no this patient was not confused! ;)

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