Say What??????!!!!!!!!!!

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Say what??????/What is the strangest:uhoh21: , or funniest :lol2: things your pt's have told you, or that you've heard!!!!!!!!!:uhoh3:

Specializes in Alzheimer's Disease, Geriatrics.

Was with a client for a long time (mos), and I worked 12 hrs on sat & sun with her, in her home, with her husband. As i was getting ready to assist her with her shower she says " My pubies are getting long, are you allowed to cut them?" Well as a caregiver I am not, I i said "no, I'm sorry i can't do that" she says..." Well do you think that there is a number we could look up in the phone book for someone that does that kind of thing. Maybe they could come to the house like the massage therapist does." Hmmm... I'll get right on that. Would I look under pubie trimmers, we make housecalls?

Had another lady in an assisted living facility ask me to explain this new trend of oral sex and how it is causing all of these diseases. WHAT!!!!!

Try explaining that in anatomically/politically correct terms to an 87 yr old woman...

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A patient reciently called up to the nurses station to ask if her doctor had been in yet. I asked her why and she stated that he was going to perform a "virginia repair"

had an episode when i was a teen - had to be transfused 4 pints of blood !!!! and lived to tell about it - later in life went to read reports ( didnt recall all that had happned ) and near fell off the chair when ambulance reprot said i had bleed from "virginia" - no wonder i needed so much blood transfused lol - ahhhh so glad to giggle at a horrible situation.

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I had a pt once while I was working in ICU - put his call light on to ask if Iwould call 911 because he was very sick - ya gotta love it

LOLOL to funny - we had patients a couple times actually call 911 from thier nursing home rooms- they would call us back and say please check on so and so - was always quite hilarious and embarassing at the same time.

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Took care of a patient who was 48 hours s/p barium enema study. Needless to say everything had backed up and nothing worked in spite of all the high technology that medicine has to offer. I ended up resourting to a more "traditional" technique to clear the obstruction. After I had cleared the obstruction with explosive results (All over the room and my entire right arm), the patient pulled on their pants, turned around, and stated, "I want you to personally thank the doctor for taking such good care of me and taking care of my problem." I just kept thinking, "you cannot kill people...you go to jail." It got me through the night.

:trout: :uhoh21: :trout: :uhoh3:

OH MY GAWD!!!!!! Been There, Done That!!!! I worked in a nursing home 903323903 years ago, and all these "sweet" little old people could think about was there bowel habits. If they did not go AT LEAST once a day, they were quite unhappy!!!

's RN

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\

Years ago I worked at a hospital that did have a Dr. Ho on staff. The first Christmas he was there someone paged him overhead (I kid you not): "Dr. Ho-ho-ho, extension ---- please!"

:uhoh3: Tass-- I really hope Dr. Ho Ho Ho had a good sense of humor-or-or!!:lol2:

's RN

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It was me saying the stupid stuff on this occasion. I was looking over the day's theatre list and noticed that there had been a repair of a fractured member earlier that day.

turned innocently to a co-worker and asked 'what would they do surgically for that? i always thought it was just a case of keeping off it and letting it heal.'

was met with this face :stone

O.K., what WOULD you do surgically for that? (O.K. I'm dumb!!)

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Specializes in ICU, L&D, Home Health.

I used to be in charge of a group home for psych patients. One of the ladies called my boss to complain about me, saying I stole something from her. She said it was there before I got to the house, and missing when I left. She had called the client's rights officer on me as well.

My boss called me into the office, acting quite serious. I asked her what she was claiming I stole, and then she couldn't contain her giggles. "She said you stole the hose to her douchebag."

Um, no. :barf01:

As long as I worked there, whenever it was just about time for the next Haldol shot, I would hear about that douchebag.

Ah, sometimes I do miss working psych.

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

I had a patient yesterday tell me that he gets a pain in his chest when he eats butter.

He said it was because, when he was a baby, he (according to his mother) climbed up on the table and ate a whole pound of butter.

He's about 72 years old now.

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
And of course, the patient who said she's on antibiotics for that "nasty ammonia" instead of pnemonia. That's a classic!

I had one recently who thought he had the "new monia."

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.

I dealt with a difficult family for several years both in acute care and then when I left that job for one in a local LTC they followed me and placed their mother...The LOL had 2 grown sons-once one of the grown sons was fussing with the charge nurse about something really stupid and he said " I have an IQ in the double digits-you can't fool me" The saddest thing-they kept this LOL home until they were reported for abuse/neglect and she had to be removed -her sons kept her on a bed covered with aluminum foil. With newspapers between her legs for the annoying incontinence..

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On foil????? OMG!!!

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Specializes in nursery, L and D.
O.K. what WOULD you do surgically for that? (O.K. I'm dumb!!)[/quote']

They (sometimes) have to go in and repair the vessels, and sometimes the urethra. I don't know all the specifics, but I have seen surgery for this done.

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