Say What??????!!!!!!!!!!

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Say what??????/What is the strangest:uhoh21: , or funniest :lol2: things your pt's have told you, or that you've heard!!!!!!!!!:uhoh3:

I once had a lady ask me if she could get pnuemonia from a cat. This continues to be our funniest story.

A mother ask if the positive drug test could be from being to close to someone using.

I once asked a pt what kind of sliding scale that he used, it was like if my bs is 370, I minus 130 and divide .... anyway it ended up that he was getting about 12-24 units of reg everytime.

I had a lady in the ER jsut a couple of weeks ago who took nitro for a numb hand, suprisingly it didn't work!

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Specializes in Licensed Practical Nurse.

OH man some of these things are downright stupid and funny. lol!!!!

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Specializes in acute care, peds, er.

I once asked a pt what kind of sliding scale that he used, it was like if my bs is 370, I minus 130 and divide .... anyway it ended up that he was getting about 12-24 units of reg everytime.

Freshman RN, there is a sliding scale like this. but it is figured out like this : BLOOD GLUCOSE VALUE - 100 DIVIDED BY 30 = #UNITS OF REG/HUMALOG INSULIN TO BE GIVEN.

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I had a patient, a FF to our department. When I walked into the room for the assessment and asked "What brings you in today." She replied, "My barnacles hurt?"

Excuse me, your barnacles hurt?

"Yeah, my barnacles, every time I take a deep breath, I get to coughing, my sister thinks I got barnacle pneumonia"

Nice! I had visions of the Spongebob theme song dancing in my head for the rest of her stay

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
i was asked if a ventilator and a respirator were the same thing. This from the family that wanted to sue us because dad was 98 and dying from end stage chf.

Even better, had a sweet little 80 something lady say that she didn't want to take her lovenox. When i pushed the point to find out why (not to force her to take it), she said "I don't want any of that rat poisen". say what? " isn't that what they use to kill rats?" took twenty minutes to explain the difference.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::lol2::lol2::lol2:
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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

:lol2:

Ok this was not from a patient but a question from my sister....

"Jen, if I drink too much water will I drown my baby?"

We were both pregnant at the time and I nearly peed my pants from laughing so hard.

:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:I think this thread needs to be put in the nursing humor forum. It's hilarious!!!!!!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
When I asked a patient what method of birth control she was interested in, she said "I want to try the pill because my husband refuses to use codiments."
Dang these are good!!!!!!:lol2::lol2::lol2:
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I had a patient that had been asking for a sleeping pill since 1800. I told her that we didn't not give them unitl third shift which came on at 2300. at 2100 she put on her call light and said she was having a really hard time staying awake and could i please give her the sleeping now? well if your that tired just go to sleep!!!!!

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I had a lady in the ER jsut a couple of weeks ago who took nitro for a numb hand, suprisingly it didn't work!

Just last month I had a guy who at home took nitro for a cough. He was in the hospital with a bowel obstruction and developed a cough and asked for his nitro! I did some education on the proper use of nitro, called the doc, got RT protocols, mucinex and a throat lozenge. RT went in, did an assessment, reiterated the use of his incentive spirometer, and ordered some prn treatments. Pt denied any other issues, just the cough. Kept asking for nitro for his cough. His son, an NA, talked with him about it, asked if he was having any other issues, then finally threw up his hands and told him, "Dad, you are crazy if you think nitro helps with your cough. If you are having chest pain or shortness of breath because of heart issue, sure. But no one here is going to give you nitro because of a cough!" The pt told him he wasn't having chest pain or shortness of breath, but "I've taken nitro for any cough for several years now, and it always works." VS stable, tele fine. He did not get nitro for his cough.

Four hours after the end of my shift, pt coded. Had a massive MI. Died after coding him for 2 hours. Makes me feel bad. There was no indication that he was having any heart related issue. But now when someone asks for a med that always seems to resolve some issue that it shouldn't, I try to be extra thorough in exploring why it might be working.

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
We had a elderly man on the unit one night and his family was at bedside overnight. The one daughter would constantly come to the nurses station right across from the room and ask the craziest questions. She would stare at the monitor and say "OH MY his b/p is only 109/70 and they want it at 140. YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" The nurse went over and did get orders appropriate. She would start all over again and made us crazy. The most interesting question was when she came up to the desk around 0400 and aksed his nurse "Is my dad dead?" We did tell her infact her dad was alive. He had a HR and BP. He is breathing with the help of the vent. I couldn't believe she came up to us and asked us if her dad was dead. I have never had anyone ask us that before. She was one of the worst visitiors we have had on the unit in a long time.

Last week I was getting report for my new assignment since we had to make changes. At 2300 I went to get report and the offgoing nurse was telling me about the pt and why he was admitted ( trying to get report while the nurse was watching basketball playoff game was not easy). Pt was vented s/p surgery for epidural abscess and to be possibly weaned off tomorrow remained intubated since was difficult intubation. She said he was coughing while he was on the vent due to bronchio spasam. (I had to try not to laugh) The pt was coughing due to secretions not broncho spasam. Once I suctioned the pt and gave him something for pain he was much better.

:stone:stoneUm, :smackingf:smackingfDUH!!!!:uhoh3::uhoh3:git sum sainse in yuh hunny:lol_hitti
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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Had to cath a toddler, 2 or 3 years old at the most, whose mother was a psychiatrist we all knew and disliked. As I'm prepping, I hear mom tell her daughter "she's going to put that thing in your va-jay-jay." Um, hello? Anatomy lession? Or do psychs get to miss that day? I just let it go. I know we use some euphemisms for that "area" with kids, but why not say privates? Va-jay-jay is a pretty advanced and ridiculous euphemism for the genitals.
Must have been watching too many reruns of Grey's Anatomy where the Physician educator is giving birth and she told her student physician that.:uhoh3:
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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
I was sitting in with a Psychiatrist that was interviewing a patient who was cutting the heads off of Ken dolls ans sticking them up his rectum. The Psychiatrist asked, "Why don't you stick Barbie doll heads up there?"

The patient replied, "No way, that's sick. What do you think I am, crazy?"

Oh Lord have mercy. That's pitiful.:stone:stone
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