Say What??????!!!!!!!!!!

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Say what??????/What is the strangest:uhoh21: , or funniest :lol2: things your pt's have told you, or that you've heard!!!!!!!!!:uhoh3:

A man signed his wife into the ER with chief complaint "My wife is melting"

She had diarrhea.

Maybe she was the wicked witch, and he threw some water on her.:sofahider

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Years ago, I took care of this darling little old lady. Soft-spoken, polite, southern-belle type.

She called me into her room, and asked if I wouldn't mind helping her make a phone call please. Sure!

I picked up the phone, dialed the number she gave me and handed it back to her. She smiles sweetly and murmurs, "Thank you so much doll-baby!"

"OH MY GOD! YOU'VE GOT TO COME HELP ME! SHE'S BEATING ME AND HER NAME IS --- [squinting at my name tag] --- EMMA! HURRY! BRING THE POLICE! OH MY GOD SHE'S KILLING ME!"

Her shrieking brought staff running in from all over to find me standing there like ----> icon_eek.gif

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Years ago I was working in a post-op open heart unit on night shift. The patients were in these 5 bed "pods" with curtains between the beds. It was one of those nights when a little old man decides that I am trying to kill him, won't take his meds, swinging and shouting at me. After I explain to him that I couldn't possibly be trying to kill him because if I were he would already be dead he startes shouting, "Fire! Fire!" When that didn't get him what he wanted he started shouting, "Patients! Unite! Don't let them kill you! Unite!"

I called the doc and held the phone up to the patient's bedside...

Haldol PRN patient rioting...

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ATTICA! ATTICA!

:roll :roll :roll

I just woke up the house laughing so hard...

*gasp*

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Specializes in NICU.

yeaaaaaa---versed is good stuff, very good!!!!!!!

i had a costochondroma excision a few years ago and woke up screaming in the pacu, i think because i woke up twice during the procedure (but that's another story). after the nice pacu nurse gave me whatever he gave me, i told him (slurrrrrrrrrrringly) that i'd be happy to come back next week and do this again. wheeeeee!

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Specializes in Peds M/S.
Years ago, I took care of this darling little old lady. Soft-spoken, polite, southern-belle type.

She called me into her room, and asked if I wouldn't mind helping her make a phone call please. Sure!

I picked up the phone, dialed the number she gave me and handed it back to her. She smiles sweetly and murmurs, "Thank you so much doll-baby!"

"OH MY GOD! YOU'VE GOT TO COME HELP ME! SHE'S BEATING ME AND HER NAME IS --- [squinting at my name tag] --- EMMA! HURRY! BRING THE POLICE! OH MY GOD SHE'S KILLING ME!"

Her shrieking brought staff running in from all over to find me standing there like ----> icon_eek.gif

OMG, that is so funny!

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Specializes in Childhood TLC.

I have stayed up WAAAAAY past a decent bedtime laughing at these {and risking waking up my sleeping son} but - thank you all...

My own contribution comes from a very heavily to term +3weeks pregnant older single woman... who ummm, believed that sexual induction was a result of the orgasm spasms of utereus... and so when asked about inducement she admitted had been trying everything including the bumpy roads, the oils, the nipple stimulation and even to the point of taking sex into own hands but was... "running out of batteries"...

only to be told it was the element in the semen that was needed...

Hmmmmmm

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Specializes in brain injury,.

my sister had surgery in new york and i am with her in recovery, her surgeon came in to check on her and she is very happy to see him saying in a very loud voice how good he smells and then procedes to tell him and the entire staff in the room that he must get more ass than a toilet seat. She was telling him how the nurses had told her that a lot of the Dr;s wear wedding rings but arent really married. so she asks him how many nurses he has done in the storage closets. Im telling her to be quiet but she was having none of that. her follow up appt with him was very very funny as she remembered what she said and felt like crawling under the table :)

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Specializes in acute care.

:eek:

Oh...

My..

Goodness!

my sister had surgery in new york and i am with her in recovery, her surgeon came in to check on her and she is very happy to see him saying in a very loud voice how good he smells and then procedes to tell him and the entire staff in the room that he must get more ass than a toilet seat. She was telling him how the nurses had told her that a lot of the Dr;s wear wedding rings but arent really married. so she asks him how many nurses he has done in the storage closets. Im telling her to be quiet but she was having none of that. her follow up appt with him was very very funny as she remembered what she said and felt like crawling under the table :)
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Bwaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaa! :lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:

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Specializes in Post Anesthesia.

My dear mother-in-law told me she had to have carotid doppler studies done because her doctor heard a "louie" in her neck. Maybe she should have coughed and spit prior to the exam but I suspect it was a bruit.

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Specializes in NICU.

Okay, this is only tangentially nursing related, but it was funny to me:

"I'm still walking the precincts," said Mike Farrah, Newsom's senior adviser. "It's just that this time I'm not out there walking in a state of cardiac arrest."
That's... some talent you have there, Mike.
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