Say What??????!!!!!!!!!!

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Say what??????/What is the strangest:uhoh21: , or funniest :lol2: things your pt's have told you, or that you've heard!!!!!!!!!:uhoh3:

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
my sister had surgery in new york and i am with her in recovery, her surgeon came in to check on her and she is very happy to see him saying in a very loud voice how good he smells and then procedes to tell him and the entire staff in the room that he must get more ass than a toilet seat. She was telling him how the nurses had told her that a lot of the Dr;s wear wedding rings but arent really married. so she asks him how many nurses he has done in the storage closets. Im telling her to be quiet but she was having none of that. her follow up appt with him was very very funny as she remembered what she said and felt like crawling under the table :)
Was she on Decadron? That makes me verrry agressive. Love it too.
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Years ago, I took care of this darling little old lady. Soft-spoken, polite, southern-belle type.

She called me into her room, and asked if I wouldn't mind helping her make a phone call please. Sure!

I picked up the phone, dialed the number she gave me and handed it back to her. She smiles sweetly and murmurs, "Thank you so much doll-baby!"

"OH MY GOD! YOU'VE GOT TO COME HELP ME! SHE'S BEATING ME AND HER NAME IS --- [squinting at my name tag] --- EMMA! HURRY! BRING THE POLICE! OH MY GOD SHE'S KILLING ME!"

Her shrieking brought staff running in from all over to find me standing there like ----> icon_eek.gif

OMG! I literally just had root beer shoot out of my nose. :lol2: I'm so sorry that happened to you.

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Years ago I was working in a post-op open heart unit on night shift. The patients were in these 5 bed "pods" with curtains between the beds. It was one of those nights when a little old man decides that I am trying to kill him, won't take his meds, swinging and shouting at me. After I explain to him that I couldn't possibly be trying to kill him because if I were he would already be dead he startes shouting, "Fire! Fire!" When that didn't get him what he wanted he started shouting, "Patients! Unite! Don't let them kill you! Unite!"

I called the doc and held the phone up to the patient's bedside...

Haldol PRN patient rioting...

Too funny!!!:rotfl:

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Specializes in Licensed Practical Nurse.

A patient of mine in the LTC kept pressing the call bell, when we went into his room he said he didnt want to touch it, he thought he might get electricuted!!, so why'd he keep pressing it?? LOL!!- (did I post this already??)

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Specializes in Licensed Practical Nurse.

Just wanted to bump this up, I love all the comments, lol

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Specializes in Corrections, neurology, dialysis.

Just the other day I had a patient's wife ask me "if he has kidney failure can he still have bowel movements?"

Um, okay I know most people don't have medical training and don't know much about anatomy, but come on! A five year old knows the difference between poo poo and pee pee.

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Specializes in Home Health, SNF.

What a great thread. I laughed and realized, we could all write a book

Good day all

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Specializes in Neuroscience/Neuro-surgery/Med-Surgical/.

Patient's overbearing husband:

"my wife is running a fever. You don't understand if she is over 97.0, then she has a fever. Why won't you do anything?"

I offerred to uncover her from the 5 HEAVY blankets that were on top of her, and he all but slapped my hand away, stating "but then she will get cold!"

Same husband:

She will say 'no' to everything you ask.

I reply: so I am not allowed to speak to her?

husband: well of course you can talk to her, but just don't tell her anything or expect her to answer you. She will always say 'no'.

Then when I asked the patient if this was true, her reply was 'YES'!

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I had to straight cath a 95 y.o. lady who had never had it done before. She was very HOH and I guess didn't grasp what I had explained to her I was doing. Just as I was about to insert the catheter she said, "I hope whatever you are trying to do to me down there isn't sexual, I haven't had sex in almost 50 years." I totally lost it and failed to get my specimen the first try. LMAO

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Pregnant patient, talking to her psychologist:

"My friend told me that if you have sex it feeds the baby."

Psychologist (his first visit with the patient, didn't know her very well yet):

"Um, well, maybe if you swallow!"

Pregnant patient:

"Oh, but I do!!!"

:roll

I'm STILL laughing about this one.......

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Specializes in Operating Room.
This is not from a patient but from a fellow nurse, "Its been so long since I've given insulin. 10cc is the same as 10 units right?":eek:

We don't give insulin in the OR and even I know that 10cc's of insulin is a very, very bad idea.:uhoh3:

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This is not from a patient but from a fellow nurse, "Its been so long since I've given insulin. 10cc is the same as 10 units right?":eek:

:omy: That one is frightening ...

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