Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."
Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".
how do you guys purpose a 75 year old take care of her 90-95 year old parents? i know people like this . i am sure we all do.
I do. And it's killing her. The 75-year old adult child, I mean. If the 75-year old gets assistance in the home (which she does, thank goodness), the 98-year old throws a fit that she's being "babysat." I've tended to the 98-year old when the daughter needed to go to the store (or just get the hell out for a while), and I've heard how she tongue-lashes the daughter. It's awful.
Ponder this: We must not be so quick to put angel's wings on every elderly person out there. Old people often are just what they've always been. Not everybody has alzheimer/dementia just because they've become old.
If you were abusive when you were young, chances are you will retain that as you age and often that affect only becomes worse on the realization of how protective society is of it's elderly. Yes, they do know, and they choose to behave abusively.
Why would anyone want someone like that to continue to ruin their life? There are consequences to life long bad behavior that are meant to be for society to have some ground rules. Too bad that that person is old. I don't give abusive old people any lattitude.
I whole-heartedly agree w some of the posters who've pointed out how some old people have been abusive to their children and do not deserve to have loving caregivers. If someone has been abusive or destructive they definitely deserve to be gotten rid of in a nursing home and maybe even let the nh staff mistreat the abusive oldster as payback for what they've done in the past.
However, how can anyone w a heart put an innocent disabled child or innocent but frail old person into a nh? The key to whether an old person should b kept at home is whether they deserve loving attentive care at the end. For typical frail elderly people w no prior hx of abuse to their children the only responsible decision is to keep them at home and find a job w flexible hours so you can be at home part time and hire an aide for when you're at work. The Census reports an increase in multiple generational households made up of two or more generations of adults which indicates that some cultures do have family values and respect for their parents. It seems that mainstream non-minority, non-immigrant cultures are most likely to take the easy way out and put their parents into a nh. Alot of dual careers couples who claim to be unable to care for elderly parents use the wife's income for ski trips, vacations in Europe and Mexico, private schools & colleges, gas guzzling SUV's and high tech entertainment systems.
Jackson, I don't know what reality you live in, but it sure isn't the same one the rest of us are existing in.
Please review JacksonCares' posting history.
As far as JacksonCares, prior history indicates that as being debatable.
Still waiting for the answer of how a single woman with substantial medical impairment is supposed to care at home by herself for 350lb parent when she becomes disabled.
Also given the large number of older married female nurses, in today's recession, that are the better paid, more stable wage earners in many cases (and well represented among my coworkers) , why has he not suggested that the men staring picking up the slack. Given that women are presumed to have lesser strength and many cases already raised numerous children, it makes more sense for the man to become a caregiver as he can lift the elderly Pts better and thus be more qualified.
He also does not address the fate of the parents of single males.
I would like to also meet some of these couples whose extra income goes for baubles and ski trips. I work at a major teaching facility and in 18 yrs have never meets those in nursing:
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
the question isn't "what would you do for your parents given your circumstances?" the question is whether or not you judge someone who has different circumstances because they didn't choose to do the same thing that you did. or think you would do. i firmly believe that no one knows what they would actually do given a circumstance until they're actually in that circumstance. and for most of the people on allnurses.com posting about it, the issue is still firmly a hypothetical.
it's ok to post about hypotheticals -- if you've never thought about what you'd do in a situation, you're going to be spectacularly ill-prepared when you get to that situation. the difficulty i see about it is putting forth your opinion as fact, or as the only possible opinion that good, decent people could have. and then judging everyone who cannot (or chose not to) do it your way. especially if you're too young and buffered by another generation to have had to have made any of these decisions yourself.
the thread could be a valuable thread to young people with open minds, both to initiate the discussion with their own parents about their wishes when the time comes, or to understand where their patients and their families are coming from. unfortunately, i see some of those with the least amount of experience either in nursing or in life, taking over the thread by judging all of us "pro-nursing home" folks. we're ignorant, lazy, selfish. we've just dumped mamma in a home to get rid of her. or we're advocating that others do so because our culture is depraved. so many of the young folks who have never been in a position to have had to make the hard decisions are outwardly judgmental rather than even attempting to understand the motivations and circumstances that have led a family to the decision (or forced them there) to put mamma in a nursing home. i'm not in a position nor am i qualified to judge them as people. but i have enough experience, i think, to judge them as nurses, and i fear that i've found them lacking. too much judgement; not enough compassion. i wonder how their patients feel.
However, how can anyone w a heart put an innocent disabled child or innocent but frail old person into a nh? The key to whether an old person should b kept at home is whether they deserve loving attentive care at the end. For typical frail elderly people w no prior hx of abuse to their children the only responsible decision is to keep them at home and find a job w flexible hours so you can be at home part time and hire an aide for when you're at work. The Census reports an increase in multiple generational households made up of two or more generations of adults which indicates that some cultures do have family values and respect for their parents. It seems that mainstream non-minority, non-immigrant cultures are most likely to take the easy way out and put their parents into a nh. Alot of dual careers couples who claim to be unable to care for elderly parents use the wife's income for ski trips, vacations in Europe and Mexico, private schools & colleges, gas guzzling SUV's and high tech entertainment systems.
I loved my Mother more than anything in the world. And yes - if she has survived her stroke she would hav gone into a nursing home. She was wandering at night - the neighbours across the road from my parents woke up one morning to find the front door of my parents house wide open. They went over and found both my parents asleep but I shudder to think of would could have happened. This was the middle of winter too.
Hire an aide? With what fortune? After I pay my mortage and food etc there isn't that much money left over. And I certainly am not going on trips to Europe etc.
I find you to be very judgemental - you know NOTHING about the care needs of other people's parents and you need to get off of the high horse of yours. I suggest that you go and spend a few days in a lock Alzheimer's unit and see what it can be like.
i whole-heartedly agree w some of the posters who've pointed out how some old people have been abusive to their children and do not deserve to have loving caregivers. if someone has been abusive or destructive they definitely deserve to be gotten rid of in a nursing home and maybe even let the nh staff mistreat the abusive oldster as payback for what they've done in the past.quote]
no. what i said was that life is full of consequences. hoping someone gets abused is not one of those i was referring to.
To: anyone that wants to judge a person for making that decision
Get a life! What should bother you are the negative outlooks and comments about LTCs when you don't even know what we do and what we are all about. LTC has changed over the last 10 yrs and heck..over the last year. Most LTC centers should not be called Long Term Care but most are more like short term rehab or skilled nursing centers. Yes...we still have our long term patients, but for the most part, our residents are short term and will go home within a month or so or maybe longer depending on what is going on.
Most are too sick to go home or maybe (insert most of what was said above) cannot go home.
The people that work in LTC are not doing it for the fame or money or because they are poor nurses. (insert the 100s of reasons we do work in LTC)
Face it LTC, nursing homes, rehab centers etc serve a purpose. They are changing and here to stay in one form or another. '
I have to laugh when people describe it as "dumping" Most our resients have realy involved family or friends and we see them weekly if not daily. Nursing homes are not prisons...our residents come and go (doc appts, family gatherings etc)
Yes...the staffing is sometimes horrible...that needs to be changed and I'd love to know the answer to this one.
Jackson, your posts are so out there that I can't believe you are serious.
However...
...if you are serious, you are a very scary person.
Hey now, lets not be too hasty! I've been thinking about his post from yesterday and I think it's brilliant!
I'm disabled and while my family hasn't dumped me in some some hell hole of a nursing home we know it's only a matter of time (because thats what Westerner's do with their fragile or sick). The fact I'm still still independent and a productive, employed member of society (despite being in a wheelchair) means nothing.
I'm thinking my married daughter should abandon her accounting practices and move cross country to "take care of me" (the laundry is a bit backed up and my toenail polish is chipped), after all, it's her duty.
She can even bring her 8 year old, her husband doesn't have to come, just send his paychecks to support my household.
My son on the other hand I'm not so sure how he fits into the plan...he's a single father of 2 little boys. No wife in the picture. Perhaps he can ship the boys off for his sister to take care of and send his paychecks too.
Or better still, maybe Jackson can tell us where to find my son a dutiful wife.
And where to purchase burqas for all the women in the family.
Or better still, maybe Jackson can tell us where to find my son a dutiful wife.
Hey kids -
I'm available! I'll marry your son - I'm sure he makes more than enough to support you, me and his sons. Of course, we'll have to have my father move in when he can't take care of himself - what's one more mouth to feed? And I'm sure he can afford to put in the stair glide my father will need. But wait - what about my father's lady friend? He won't want to leave her. Maybe she can move in too. And she had to place her handicapped daughter when the care got to be too much, so we better add her in.
Boy - your son may have to take a second or third job to support all of us and he may drop dead of a heart attack from all that work but I guess that's what life insurance is for, right?
dudette10, MSN, RN
3,530 Posts
I do. And it's killing her. The 75-year old adult child, I mean. If the 75-year old gets assistance in the home (which she does, thank goodness), the 98-year old throws a fit that she's being "babysat." I've tended to the 98-year old when the daughter needed to go to the store (or just get the hell out for a while), and I've heard how she tongue-lashes the daughter. It's awful.