Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."
Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".
Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."
Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".
What are your ideas about these opinions?
When my grandfather was first placed in a home I was angry with my dad, aunts and uncle. I felt like they were neglecting him.
But then I went to visit him and saw how much he had declined. He had been at home with aides coming to help him, had fallen at night, and had spent the entire night on the ground with his arm twisted under him because he couldn't get up. Staying with his children would have meant leaving the community where he still had a rich social life (friends, former students, his church members all visited him regularly until he died). Living in a home meant he got the care he needed in a safe environment and didn't lose his social support.
I think it was absolutely the right decision for him, and while it was hard to see him leave his garden, but that was his disease process, not family failing him.
If mom weighs much over 130 and is dead weight, she may well need a nursing home. If the kids have a rocky relationship with eachother or mom or both, she may need a nursing home. If taking care of mom would exacerbate an illness physical or mental, she may need a nursing home.
what someone wants and what they need may not be the same. I hope my nosy neighbors have lots to talk about if I ever have to put my mom or sister in a nursing home. If I thought she would get better care (she might cooperate more with staff with ADL's and eating than with me)
I guess I'm back to the "whatever u think of me is none of my business." statement...and vice versa.
I especially enjoyed the sentiment in Jackson Care's post about single women needing to work if they don't have a father, male relative, or husband to support them.
Is that for real?? What century are we in? I guess that's why I went to nursing school...because I don't have a father, male relative, or husband to support me
Same one that doesn't understand the purpose or REAL function of boxed gloves Gotta save the patient from infection while starting that IV, with clean gloves out of a box hanging on the wall They're not for the reasons Universal Precautions says they are..... guess there's a study about all of this that anyone who wasn't around in 1996 when UP became "set in stone" understands...
Jackson, please enlighten us, and walk us through your day of taking care of your elderly relative at home. We'd all love to hear how you do it do easily.
Also, regarding culture: I get cultural differences. I live in one of the most culturally diverse cities in the world; hence I teach students and care for patients of all cultures. The thing that pusses me off more than anything: the stereotype that Americans don't care about their elders, and are lazy and selfish, and dump their elders in a NH. As an American (from many generations back), I take extreme offense to this stereotype. There is just as much cultural diversity in a nursing home.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
Jackson,
I read through some of your older posts, and you seem to have a resentment of nurses in general. When you refer to nurses, you use words like "intrusive", "degradation" and usually state that, "some nurse would do XYZ". In one of your posts, you mentioned that you had to go through the stress and inconvenience of having 'some nurse' call you regarding your MRI results that the nurse 'was clearly unable to interpret'.
These statements make me suspect that you don't know much about the medical field. Nurses are not SUPPOSED to interpret films (it is out of the scope of practice for a nurse to interpret any kind of radiograph), and furthermore, your DOCTOR should have called you to discuss your results and further planning. This is not a failure of the nurse who called you; rather it is a failure of the system in your doc's office.
If you have such strong opinions about nurses-many of them being blatantly scathing-then why do you come to this forum?
Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."
Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".
What are your ideas about these opinions?
Why is it that no one except the pro-nursing home people are allowed to have an opinion here?
If someone God forbid has a different point of view they are immediately attacked, criticized and condemned by the pro-nursing home people.
Why don't we just agree to disagree on this subject?
I don't think there's anyone here who has a problem with people keeping their relatives at home if that's what's right for them. The issue is that some members appear to be putting forward a position that aged care facilities are a cop out taken by uncaring children who should be trying harder to keep their elder relatives at home, regardless of personla, financial or other cost.
For the record I don't have a personal stake in this discussion - or at least, not yet. But I see what some of my patients' families go through; I look at how exhausted I feel after caring for some patients after a ten-hour shift, with no emotional stake, all the equipemnt I need, and a team of colleagues; I hear the stories of some friends whose parents and in-laws are needing increasing care; and I am all too aware of the complexities of family relationships, even without the additional impact of abuse and conflict.
Why is it that no one except the pro-nursing home people are allowed to have an opinion here?
If someone God forbid has a different point of view they are immediately attacked, criticized and condemned by the pro-nursing home people.
Why don't we just agree to disagree on this subject?
It's all in the delivery. When people are told that they are in some way inferior to those who so virtuously keep their family member at home, with no awareness of the individual situations, it's going to get reactions :) Nobody knows what they will HAVE to do until the time comes ...
I am a caregiver to my elderly father and pay out of pocket for home health workers on days I'm in the office, and my employer let's me work from home 3 days a week. My sisters and I plus our Dad are paying in the upper five figures on home health care plus having our hard earned money be funneled away in taxes supporting Medicaid for lazy people who've gotten rid of their parents and disabled kids by putting them into long term "care" facilities. These places do not provide care, they simply warehouse the pts and provide a recession proof job for their employees.
Would you be able to afford to pay five figures for home care if you were an only child?
You are lucky you can work from home - not everyone has the luxury. But I have to wonder how productive you would be if your Father were a wanderer and you spend half the day re-directing him back into the house. Or stopping him from setting the house on fire as he tried to make a cup of coffee. Or if you had only 2 hours of sleep a night because he was up all night too.
How would your children feel if you spent all your time with your Dad because he could not be left alone - so you never went to their concerts, games or teacher meetings. How would your children feel if every time they went to the bathroom they had to make sure to lock the door or else Grandpa would walk in on them?
And just wait until your Dad becomes incontinent - believe me, its a LOT harder to change a 200 lb man as oppossed to a 10 lb baby. And the messes are a lot bigger too! Hope you have waterproofed your beds. And chairs. And sofas.
Gotta save the patient from infection while starting that IV, with clean gloves out of a box hanging on the wall 
They're 
hiddencatRN, BSN, RN
3,408 Posts
When my grandfather was first placed in a home I was angry with my dad, aunts and uncle. I felt like they were neglecting him.
But then I went to visit him and saw how much he had declined. He had been at home with aides coming to help him, had fallen at night, and had spent the entire night on the ground with his arm twisted under him because he couldn't get up. Staying with his children would have meant leaving the community where he still had a rich social life (friends, former students, his church members all visited him regularly until he died). Living in a home meant he got the care he needed in a safe environment and didn't lose his social support.
I think it was absolutely the right decision for him, and while it was hard to see him leave his garden, but that was his disease process, not family failing him.