Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."
Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".
My mother flew home today (on Air NZ - thanks, Qantas) from a month-long offspring tour to Rome and the US. She turned 70 last month, works full-time as a naturopath and massage therapist (returned to study age 54), teaches yoga three times a week and can reach down with her right arm to touch her right malleolus with straight knees.
My father turned 71 in May, retired in July and recently returned from a six week holiday in Europe and the UK.
That said, I was thinking more that 72 is uncomfortably closer to my age than it used to be!
Several of the pro-nursing home posters mentioned that their "loved" ones, either child or elderly parent, died while in the nursing home, and I wonder if anyone has ever considered the possibility their family member died as a RESULT of the shoddy "care" and heartbreak of being abandoned by their family? Fifty years ago elderly parents and grandparents lived in multiple-generational homes where the grandchildren learned to respect and value their elderly family members. I've always been perplexed about pro-nursing home people talking about how people have their own families to care for, as if that's an excuse for dumping elderly parents into a nursing home? Don't people realize that elderly parents and grandparents are legitimate family members, too? They are setting a bad example of family values to take the easy way out and put their elderly family members in nursing homes. As for adult children needing to work, I realize that men with families to support need to work as do single women without a husband, father or male relative to support them, but a large number of women who should stay at home taking care of their kids and parents place an inordinate emphasis on careers at expense of family.
One of the posters was right on target about how in Asian and southern European societies people take the high road, not the easy road, and show personal responsibility by taking care of their elderly parents. The easy way is not always the right way, and it is a sign of selfishness and weakness to be unable or unwilling to care for ones parents. If there's a family with four adult children, why can't the men with families and single women hold jobs outside the home and let the married women contribute by working inside the home taking care of their parents and grandparents? It also burns me up to no end to have to pay taxes to support the Medicaid program, most of which is spent on nursing homes, instead of providing financial assistance for home care. I am a caregiver to my elderly father and pay out of pocket for home health workers on days I'm in the office, and my employer let's me work from home 3 days a week. My sisters and I plus our Dad are paying in the upper five figures on home health care plus having our hard earned money be funneled away in taxes supporting Medicaid for lazy people who've gotten rid of their parents and disabled kids by putting them into long term "care" facilities. These places do not provide care, they simply warehouse the pts and provide a recession proof job for their employees.
As many have said, it's no ones place to judge why or why not a loved one enters a nursing home. For many families, it is about safety....for themselves, and the elder. Unless you work in LTC or geriatrics as a nurse, you really don't understand the level of care required. Visiting is not the same, either.
For example, an elder who has advanced dementia requires 24 hour support, combined with the knowledge of how to effectively provide care. Or someone prone to falls, or both. For most families, they lack the resources to provide 24 hour care, so eventually, the loved one goes to a home. Or, would you rather the elder stay at home and be subject to abuse because their caregiver becomes so burnt out trying to cope? That happens too.
Several of the pro-nursing home posters mentioned that their "loved" ones, either child or elderly parent, died while in the nursing home, and I wonder if anyone has ever considered the possibility their family member died as a RESULT of the shoddy "care" and heartbreak of being abandoned by their family? Fifty years ago elderly parents and grandparents lived in multiple-generational homes where the grandchildren learned to respect and value their elderly family members. I've always been perplexed about pro-nursing home people talking about how people have their own families to care for, as if that's an excuse for dumping elderly parents into a nursing home? Don't people realize that elderly parents and grandparents are legitimate family members, too? They are setting a bad example of family values to take the easy way out and put their elderly family members in nursing homes. As for adult children needing to work, I realize that men with families to support need to work as do single women without a husband, father or male relative to support them, but a large number of women who should stay at home taking care of their kids and parents place an inordinate emphasis on careers at expense of family.
One of the posters was right on target about how in Asian and southern European societies people take the high road, not the easy road, and show personal responsibility by taking care of their elderly parents. The easy way is not always the right way, and it is a sign of selfishness and weakness to be unable or unwilling to care for ones parents. If there's a family with four adult children, why can't the men with families and single women hold jobs outside the home and let the married women contribute by working inside the home taking care of their parents and grandparents? It also burns me up to no end to have to pay taxes to support the Medicaid program, most of which is spent on nursing homes, instead of providing financial assistance for home care. I am a caregiver to my elderly father and pay out of pocket for home health workers on days I'm in the office, and my employer let's me work from home 3 days a week. My sisters and I plus our Dad are paying in the upper five figures on home health care plus having our hard earned money be funneled away in taxes supporting Medicaid for lazy people who've gotten rid of their parents and disabled kids by putting them into long term "care" facilities. These places do not provide care, they simply warehouse the pts and provide a recession proof job for their employees.
You have NO idea how agonizing it is for families to make the decision to place someone in LTC. Your comments scream of no experience with this, OR LTCs. Most are fine facilities with much better resources for dealing with a demented, also medically ill elderly patient. When you are the sole breadwinner for a family of 5 with a blue collar income, and about 10-15 years of experience as a nurse, visit this again. If you are already in this position, then open your eyes that your experience may not be that of the majority of those with elderly demented family members.
I'll never forget one "co-worker" who left their grandma at home (since all who were working HAD to- and not for the country club fees- but to get by) getting a call from the neighbors that they'd seen her take off, and not come back. It took hours to find her , with police help (yeah- THAT is a good use of resources). They were all so much in denial about the need for grandma to be in a locked facility. Later, I encountered her in a respite situation at a very nice LTC. And grandma was not even close to being appropriate for a non-locked unit. She required one-on-one 24/7- not even 5 minutes to use the bathroom, or she headed for the door.
I've taken care of head injured middle-aged patients whose spouse had to TIE her to himself at night to keep her from going outside barefoot in winter, or using the oven cleaner as hairspray (can you say chemical burns?).
Back up with all of the idealism. Yeah- it would be nice if everyone aged in a sweet little way that didn't endanger themselves or others (not even considering the abusers). They DON'T.
Several of the pro-nursing home posters mentioned that their "loved" ones, either child or elderly parent, died while in the nursing home, and I wonder if anyone has ever considered the possibility their family member died as a RESULT of the shoddy "care" and heartbreak of being abandoned by their family?
Say what?
Fifty years ago elderly parents and grandparents lived in multiple-generational homes where the grandchildren learned to respect and value their elderly family members.
Many still do. Fifty years ago people didn't live 20 years beyond a brain stem stroke.
They are setting a bad example of family values to take the easy way out and put their elderly family members in nursing homes. As for adult children needing to work, I realize that men with families to support need to work as do single women without a husband, father or male relative to support them, but a large number of women who should stay at home taking care of their kids and parents place an inordinate emphasis on careers at expense of family.
Major say whaaaa?
One of the posters was right on target about how in Asian and southern European societies people take the high road, not the easy road, and show personal responsibility by taking care of their elderly parents. The easy way is not always the right way, and it is a sign of selfishness and weakness to be unable or unwilling to care for ones parents.
Again, to belabor a point, these elderly folks are not living as long with as many morbidities and north Americans and Europeans.
If there's a family with four adult children, why can't the men with families and single women hold jobs outside the home and let the married women contribute by working inside the home taking care of their parents and grandparents?
Want to go back a century, perhaps?
My sisters and I plus our Dad are paying in the upper five figures on home health care plus having our hard earned money be funneled away in taxes supporting Medicaid for These places do not provide care, they simply warehouse the pts and provide a recession proof job for lazy people who've gotten rid of their parents and disabled kids by putting them into long term "care" facilities.r their employees.
How dare you. Your post is offensive on so many levels that my head is spinning.
I disagree with that because sometimes life doesn't allow you to give up all your time to care for an elderly relative. HOWEVER, with the current state of LTC facilities and extremely poor staffing, they are not safe or responsible places to put your loved one MOST of the time. I know the place I just quit, I wouldn't send a dog there. 1 nurse for 30 patients with 3-15 meds a piece? Not enough time to be safe and careful. Let alone provide even basic, minimal care.
AgentBeast, MSN, RN
1,974 Posts
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=easYTQgzPSM[/YOUTUBE]
If we really did care we'd have something like hurling day.