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13 and pregnant....

Posted

Specializes in Emergency Dept, M/S.

What a week this has been! I have had so many interesting patients - you know the ones that just stick with you? The other day mom brings in 13yo daughter b/c ongoing n/v for 3 weeks, states she thinks her daughter is pregnant. She was. It just broke my heart. I'm a mom of one teenage daughter and 3 teenage boys and right from an early age, have always been very open about sex, masturbation, birth control, abstinence, puberty - all of it. They can, and do, ask me whatever they want.

I'm certainly not naive, and know I'm not the norm (my ex-h won't even say the word "penis", nevermind talk to the kids about sex!), but what really chapped my rear about this pt and her family, was when mom and step-dad wanted to talk to me privately. They wanted to know if *I* knew what schools were teaching girls about sex and pregnancy. I was admittedly a bit confused, as I'm an ER RN, and know nothing about their school. I asked them if their daughter knew about sex and birth control, etc. I was just shocked to hear from them that they didn't know, because THEY had never talked to her about it because sex education is "EDUCATION", it needs to be taught IN THE SCHOOL and NOT at home, and because of all the "new teenage sex stuff", the school is "better equipped" to teach it. They were blaming the school and educators for their daughters pregnancy and even mentioned the "sue" word a couple times. UGH!!

After a 10 minute conversation with this very nice, suburban, two-income, two-kids couple, I was just shaking my head at THEIR stupidity! I know we all get pt's every day that make us take pause and think "did that person REALLY think/do/say that???" but with all the access to EVERYTHING sexual -music, movies, internet, "sexting", drugs, you name it - I just cannot believe that they have never, ever, ever spoken to either of their kids about sex and expect the school to do it because "we pay our taxes for them to teach them what they need to know in the world".

Whose to say if the girl wouldn't have gotten pregnant with or without parental teaching, but at least she would have had a fighting chance.

Thanks for letting me vent! This has been bugging me all week. :o

:cry: That is so sad. Sad for the family and sad for the baby.

I too am VERY open about sex around my 11 yr twin boys. We can say "don't do it" all we want but they will still turn into teens with raging hormones. The best thing for me and my family is open communications and lots of condoms. I do not want to be a grandmother too young.

Boog'sCRRN246, RN

Specializes in Utilization Management. Has 10 years experience.

"we pay our taxes for them to teach them what they need to know in the world"

Oh Lord!! I was wondering why it seemed like kids were becoming "less intelligent" (to put it nicely) these days...A lot of parents must have this same mindset. Schools teach you to be minimally competent at best.

Purple_Scrubs, BSN, RN

Specializes in School Nursing. Has 8 years experience.

You know, I hope they do sue. It might bring this issue to light and give some parents a wake up call when the judge says unequivolently that it is NOT the school's sole responsibility to educate the child on sex. So what, now parents only have to feed, house and clothe the kids and leave the rest to the schools? Will potty training soon be in the Pre-K curriculum. God forbid parents have to teach that too! Maybe a parent will sue the school when a kid jumps off the roof because the school didn't teach the kid that he couldn't fly. That would be equally ridiculous!

Chapis

Specializes in interested in NICU!!.

i can't believe the nerves of the parents to ask such thing. since when was it the school's responsability to do the parenting job that belongs to the parents?!?!!:confused:

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC. Has 6 years experience.

I was listening to a radio show and this topic came up. "Should sex ed be taught in school or should it be taught at home"

I personally believe that sex ed should be taught at home and at school. If the parents and school aren't teaching these kids about sex then the t.v. shows, music videos, and peers will. It does break my heart to see 13 years olds pregnant. I was thirteen only 7 years ago and I remember whats its like to have peers and men pressure me to have sex. By the grace of God I never became a teen parent but many of my friends did. My mother like you talked with me about sex and I got the education about sex in school. However, having my mom discuss sex with me at such a young age was what made the impact. She made it very clear that I was not to get pregnant and I didn't. On the other hand my best friend who is 21 have had four abortions. Her mother really didn't discuss sex with her. She had her first pregnany at 14.

Sex ed should be taught in school because what if a child is not being taught about sex at home?

Forgot what my point was , but its very sad. I think parents need to eduacate their kids on sex.

Flare, ASN, BSN

Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

Ah -welcome to a day in the life of a school nurse.

I just don't know about today's parents, they want to have children, but then don't want to he held responsible for them, don't want to work with them, don't want to watch them. It seems that the schools are responsible in the parents eyes to teach everything from shoe tying and proper rear-end wiping (i wish i was kidding about that one) to sex ed, drug abuse awareness, and how to balance a check book. It really doesn't shock me that the parents want to sue the school because little Sally got pregnant and mom and dad are too embarrased to say the word vagina to their children. The end result is that if anything seems remotely medical, the school nurse is used as a community clinic and is held responsible by the parents. I wonder when the day will come that school nurses are trained as NPs and are expected to write scripts.

oh boy... now you got me going....

swirlygirl

Has 7 years experience.

I think that it's wonderful that you are so open with your children about sex! My oldest is only 3, but my husband and I have already discussed that we will be open with him and answer any questions he may have when he goes to school. My sister in law teaches 3rd grade and she can't believe how much those kids know about sex at that age. That really scares me!! I grew up in a house where "sex" was literally a bad word. I"m 32 and I've never even heard either of my parents say the word "penis." My mom was afraid to tell her parents that she was pregnant with me when she was 30yrs old even though she had been married to my dad for 4 years!! She waited until she was about 5 months along and people were asking her about her belly. ??? Anyway, while it may not be the norm to be so open with our kids, I truly believe that whether kids hear about it from their parents or on the school bus, they are going to make their own choices about sex and I think the more education we give them, they are more likely to make smarter choices.

flightnurse2b, LPN

Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

just shows how important the truth about sex and sex education from both the parents and the school are....

kids are going to have sex regardless of what we tell them. my parents were very open and honest with me, but going to a catholic school all i heard were nuns talk about "don't do it, it's a sin"...

making birth control and condoms available is not enabling teens to have sex--they're going to do it anyways. it's helping prevent the spread of STD's and helping prevent teen pregnancy.... which imho is much more important than preaching about abstinence.

i wasn't a teen too long ago myself and am the oldest of four kids... some

of the stuff my TEN YEAR OLD sister says is stuff i had to actually look up urban dictionary, and i'm far from sheltered. both my mom and i have already had "the talk" with her... because she came home from school asking what "hunching" meant in the 2nd grade.

I think it is the parents job to raise their kid and teach them about life. I hope that I have a close relationship with my kids so they can openly talk to me.

Down here in my state, parents get all up in arms about sex ed and something sign a paper saying their kid can NOT attend the class because it is not appropriate. So you have those on 2 sides of the fence- some are angry about sex ed and "putting ideas into their kids head".. then there are others who don't even know if it's offered but just "expect it to be taught". What about taking an active role in your child's life?! You better believe I will know what my kid is learning in school.

i just looked up hunching and did not know there was such a thing as an urban dictionary.

However doesn't mean i dont discuss it with my kids, sp my daughter (17)...i am 40 and way back when i was that age my parents also were very very open about it, i think it really helps, i know my daughter and i are closer for talking about it. If you have kids EVERYTHING about them is yr responsibility....please dont have kids for other ppl or the state to bring them up...what good is suing anyone after yr child is pregnant, the stupidity of these people never ceases to amaze!

S.N. Visit, BSN, RN

Specializes in Home Health Care. Has 8 years experience.

I have 3 girls, one will be 14 this summer. I talk daily with them about sex, drugs, & disease. I've shown them all graphic picts of STD's from my med encyclopedia.

My 14 & 11yr olds tell me who among their friends are doing what with who in shocking detail . It blows my mind that kids so young are experimenting & doing everything that you'd expect porn stars to be doing. I'm not fool enough to think my kids are going to be an exception. I can only hope & pray my kids will listen to me and their dad's words of wisdom on morals, ethics, abstinence and safety.

My school district offers "Sex education" in 5th grade, but that only consisted of facts on puberty. They passed out some tampons & maxi pads. Parent's need to not assume everything about sex is being taught in these classes.

Maybe that show "I didn't know I was pregnant", on Discovery Health channel , will burn a long lasting impression of painful labor in their young minds........

On a side note...my 7yr old says she wants to be a OB/GYN from watching!

I think it is the parents job to raise their kid and teach them about life. I hope that I have a close relationship with my kids so they can openly talk to me.

Down here in my state, parents get all up in arms about sex ed and something sign a paper saying their kid can NOT attend the class because it is not appropriate. So you have those on 2 sides of the fence- some are angry about sex ed and "putting ideas into their kids head".. then there are others who don't even know if it's offered but just "expect it to be taught". What about taking an active role in your child's life?! You better believe I will know what my kid is learning in school.

are they really so STUPID that they dont get that the kids will now get the info SECONDHAND from their classmates????

flightnurse2b, LPN

Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

i just looked up hunching and did not know there was such a thing as an urban dictionary.

However doesn't mean i dont discuss it with my kids, sp my daughter (17)...i am 40 and way back when i was that age my parents also were very very open about it, i think it really helps, i know my daughter and i are closer for talking about it. If you have kids EVERYTHING about them is yr responsibility....please dont have kids for other ppl or the state to bring them up...what good is suing anyone after yr child is pregnant, the stupidity of these people never ceases to amaze!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

amazing some of the words in there.

Boog'sCRRN246, RN

Specializes in Utilization Management. Has 10 years experience.

I don't understand how parents can put the responsibilty of teaching such sensitive subject matter on someone other than themselves. In the area where I live, it seems to me like children are having children. And either everyone thinks it's acceptable or they are turning a blind eye. When the children having the children haven't been taught right from wrong and haven't acquired any life skills, what do you think is being passed on? What's worse is the child says 'Well, I had my baby, got that out of the way early!', like it's totally okay. Ugh.

i had to come back to this thread, in my opinion these parents should be reported to cps, for neglect.

Neveranurseagain, RN

Has 26 years experience.

I have to admit, LOL!, that I had to look up hunching too!

Too many parents nowdays want to be their kids best friend, and leave all the responsibilities of raising their children to society.

Good discussion, reminds me to another morality/respecting yourself talk with my soon to be 14 yo. daughter. I am pretty open minded, but was a little taken aback at my last discussion with her. We have always talked about how/why boys need to keep their hands to themselves but a new issue was raised. A friend of hers that has shown gay tendencies for the past few years, was getting too touchy feely with many of her friends...so then we had another talk that keeping your hands to yourself includes girl friends as well as boy firends!

And you better believe that our morality/respecting talk will include the need to obtain BC if needed.

DroogieRN

Has 2 years experience.

are they really so STUPID that they dont get that the kids will now get the info SECONDHAND from their classmates????

My husband and I opted out of these classes for our children, and I've never considered either of us stupid. Do their classmates tell them some of the things they heard in the classes? Sure. Then my kids come home and tell me and the misinformation those kids were given on some matters over the years has been pretty interesting and reinforced for us that we'd made a good decision. We are open and frank in our talks at home and we saw sex education as something best left up to us, not the school. Edited to add: I know others would disagree with me and that's fine and perhaps those programs have been beneficial at times. But it was our decision to make and I took issue with being called stupid. jmho.

Edited by DroogieRN
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