13 and pregnant....

Specialties Emergency

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What a week this has been! I have had so many interesting patients - you know the ones that just stick with you? The other day mom brings in 13yo daughter b/c ongoing n/v for 3 weeks, states she thinks her daughter is pregnant. She was. It just broke my heart. I'm a mom of one teenage daughter and 3 teenage boys and right from an early age, have always been very open about sex, masturbation, birth control, abstinence, puberty - all of it. They can, and do, ask me whatever they want.

I'm certainly not naive, and know I'm not the norm (my ex-h won't even say the word "member", nevermind talk to the kids about sex!), but what really chapped my rear about this pt and her family, was when mom and step-dad wanted to talk to me privately. They wanted to know if *I* knew what schools were teaching girls about sex and pregnancy. I was admittedly a bit confused, as I'm an ER RN, and know nothing about their school. I asked them if their daughter knew about sex and birth control, etc. I was just shocked to hear from them that they didn't know, because THEY had never talked to her about it because sex education is "EDUCATION", it needs to be taught IN THE SCHOOL and NOT at home, and because of all the "new teenage sex stuff", the school is "better equipped" to teach it. They were blaming the school and educators for their daughters pregnancy and even mentioned the "sue" word a couple times. UGH!!

After a 10 minute conversation with this very nice, suburban, two-income, two-kids couple, I was just shaking my head at THEIR stupidity! I know we all get pt's every day that make us take pause and think "did that person REALLY think/do/say that???" but with all the access to EVERYTHING sexual -music, movies, internet, "sexting", drugs, you name it - I just cannot believe that they have never, ever, ever spoken to either of their kids about sex and expect the school to do it because "we pay our taxes for them to teach them what they need to know in the world".

Whose to say if the girl wouldn't have gotten pregnant with or without parental teaching, but at least she would have had a fighting chance.

Thanks for letting me vent! This has been bugging me all week. :o

I think it is the parents job to raise their kid and teach them about life. I hope that I have a close relationship with my kids so they can openly talk to me.

Down here in my state, parents get all up in arms about sex ed and something sign a paper saying their kid can NOT attend the class because it is not appropriate. So you have those on 2 sides of the fence- some are angry about sex ed and "putting ideas into their kids head".. then there are others who don't even know if it's offered but just "expect it to be taught". What about taking an active role in your child's life?! You better believe I will know what my kid is learning in school.

are they really so STUPID that they dont get that the kids will now get the info SECONDHAND from their classmates????

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Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.
i just looked up hunching and did not know there was such a thing as an urban dictionary.

However doesn't mean i dont discuss it with my kids, sp my daughter (17)...i am 40 and way back when i was that age my parents also were very very open about it, i think it really helps, i know my daughter and i are closer for talking about it. If you have kids EVERYTHING about them is yr responsibility....please dont have kids for other ppl or the state to bring them up...what good is suing anyone after yr child is pregnant, the stupidity of these people never ceases to amaze!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

amazing some of the words in there.

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Specializes in Utilization Management.

I don't understand how parents can put the responsibilty of teaching such sensitive subject matter on someone other than themselves. In the area where I live, it seems to me like children are having children. And either everyone thinks it's acceptable or they are turning a blind eye. When the children having the children haven't been taught right from wrong and haven't acquired any life skills, what do you think is being passed on? What's worse is the child says 'Well, I had my baby, got that out of the way early!', like it's totally okay. Ugh.

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i had to come back to this thread, in my opinion these parents should be reported to cps, for neglect.

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I have to admit, LOL!, that I had to look up hunching too!

Too many parents nowdays want to be their kids best friend, and leave all the responsibilities of raising their children to society.

Good discussion, reminds me to another morality/respecting yourself talk with my soon to be 14 yo. daughter. I am pretty open minded, but was a little taken aback at my last discussion with her. We have always talked about how/why boys need to keep their hands to themselves but a new issue was raised. A friend of hers that has shown gay tendencies for the past few years, was getting too touchy feely with many of her friends...so then we had another talk that keeping your hands to yourself includes girl friends as well as boy firends!

And you better believe that our morality/respecting talk will include the need to obtain BC if needed.

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are they really so STUPID that they dont get that the kids will now get the info SECONDHAND from their classmates????

My husband and I opted out of these classes for our children, and I've never considered either of us stupid. Do their classmates tell them some of the things they heard in the classes? Sure. Then my kids come home and tell me and the misinformation those kids were given on some matters over the years has been pretty interesting and reinforced for us that we'd made a good decision. We are open and frank in our talks at home and we saw sex education as something best left up to us, not the school. Edited to add: I know others would disagree with me and that's fine and perhaps those programs have been beneficial at times. But it was our decision to make and I took issue with being called stupid. jmho.

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My husband and I opted out of these classes for our children, and I've never considered either of us stupid. Do their classmates tell them some of the things they heard in the classes? Sure. Then my kids come home and tell me and the misinformation those kids were given on some matters over the years has been pretty interesting and reinforced for us that we'd made a good decision. We are open and frank in our talks at home and we saw sex education as something best left up to us, not the school. jmho.

you basically made my point for me......you have no way of knowing whether what your children repeated to you was even said in those classes.....if they had been, then you could approach the school with corrections...

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My husband and I opted out of these classes for our children, and I've never considered either of us stupid. Do their classmates tell them some of the things they heard in the classes? Sure. Then my kids come home and tell me and the misinformation those kids were given on some matters over the years has been pretty interesting and reinforced for us that we'd made a good decision. We are open and frank in our talks at home and we saw sex education as something best left up to us, not the school. jmho.

I agree with you and painting ALL parents who opt out as stupid is generalizing.

We taught our kids about sex and the human body and told them the truth about sex ed and birth control and masturbation and wet dreams and STD's (I have those public health photos too!:eek: ). My husband is a willing participant but he and all the boys still call their member a "who-who" or "tallywacker". It is a boy thing. I say member so they know what it is. :D

Our focus was on teaching them that hormones are powerful, please respect yourself and others, and come to us with any question or concern with no repercussions. And that abstinence or at least waiting is something to think about. Because 13 is too young to have sex or have kids.

I talked about this almost every day as there are situations that come up and you can take advantage of them - I would never just have "The Talk" and leave it at that. Education is an on-going endeavor.

I taught a sex ed class for our youth group and gave them the information they needed for STD and pregnancy prevention but I also talked a lot about why it is important to THINK before you act, ask questions NOW before you get all hot and heavy, and to respect the fact that the person you are HOT for has plans for their life that include a college education. Giving in to sexual feelings endangers their future and yours . . . .and taking that liberty with another person's future is NOT loving them. It is using them.

You simply have to keep talking with your kids. And not leave it up to the school.

The parents in the OP's post are guilty of neglect.

steph

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I just can't understand how parents can ignore the subject of sex and hope that everything turns out OK. The school's responsibility?? Your child is your responsibility and you should be the ones teaching your child these things.

My mom was very open with me about sex when I was a kid. She didn't encourage me to have sex, but she also never told me not to have sex. She knew that there was nothing she could do to stop me if I wanted to have sex, but she knew that what she could do was make sure that I knew what I was doing. She told me everything that I needed and wanted to know, and she taught me to be responsible and to use protection. She felt that it was better to educate me about sex rather than just say, "Don't do it." If I needed birth control or condoms to prevent pregnancy and STD's, I knew that I could have gone to her for that.

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you basically made my point for me......you have no way of knowing whether what your children repeated to you was even said in those classes.....if they had been, then you could approach the school with corrections...

I wasn't willing to risk it, frankly. That makes it seem like my children are a sociological experiment, rather than two people with whose care and upbringing I am entrusted. This way, we as parents had the basic control over the content and timing of the teaching of a subject as important as sexuality. We just don't see it as the school's job or business. As I said in my edit, I know others don't agree. I'm OK with that.

I definitely agree with the poster who hopes the mom does in fact sue! I can't imagine she'll get very far. And my heart goes out to the little 13-year-old girl...

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I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only parent that talks to their children openly about sex. I have three children, two girls and a boy, 16, 14, 12. There is nothing off limits for them to ask. Sometimes it is uncomfortable. For example when my daughter asked me what I thought about anal sex I almost drove off the road. However, I would much rather talk to them and know that they have the correct information then assume that they know what to do. I live in central PA and several of my friends are stunned that I'm open with my kids about sex. I'm sure that there are some things that they keep hidden from me. However, when my 16 1/2 year old daughter came to me after dating the same young man for a year and said she thought she was ready to have sex we were able to sit and have a very frank discussion and I would not have given that oppertunity up for the world. Especially just bury my head in the sand which is what some parents are sadly making the choice to do. :eek:

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I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only parent that talks to their children openly about sex. I have three children, two girls and a boy, 16, 14, 12. There is nothing off limits for them to ask. Sometimes it is uncomfortable. For example when my daughter asked me what I thought about anal sex I almost drove off the road. However, I would much rather talk to them and know that they have the correct information then assume that they know what to do. I live in central PA and several of my friends are stunned that I'm open with my kids about sex. I'm sure that there are some things that they keep hidden from me. However, when my 16 1/2 year old daughter came to me after dating the same young man for a year and said she thought she was ready to have sex we were able to sit and have a very frank discussion and I would not have given that oppertunity up for the world. Especially just bury my head in the sand which is what some parents are sadly making the choice to do. :eek:

You reminded me of one of the topics that came up when our local school nurse had a talk with just the girls at the local high school. The boys were pushing for anal sex because it protected against pregnancy and STD's including HIV. Yikes. Talk about bad info.

(And think about it young ladies . . .. does a guy REALLY have your best interests at heart or does he just wanna use your body for an orgasm?)

steph

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