13 and pregnant....

Specialties Emergency

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What a week this has been! I have had so many interesting patients - you know the ones that just stick with you? The other day mom brings in 13yo daughter b/c ongoing n/v for 3 weeks, states she thinks her daughter is pregnant. She was. It just broke my heart. I'm a mom of one teenage daughter and 3 teenage boys and right from an early age, have always been very open about sex, masturbation, birth control, abstinence, puberty - all of it. They can, and do, ask me whatever they want.

I'm certainly not naive, and know I'm not the norm (my ex-h won't even say the word "member", nevermind talk to the kids about sex!), but what really chapped my rear about this pt and her family, was when mom and step-dad wanted to talk to me privately. They wanted to know if *I* knew what schools were teaching girls about sex and pregnancy. I was admittedly a bit confused, as I'm an ER RN, and know nothing about their school. I asked them if their daughter knew about sex and birth control, etc. I was just shocked to hear from them that they didn't know, because THEY had never talked to her about it because sex education is "EDUCATION", it needs to be taught IN THE SCHOOL and NOT at home, and because of all the "new teenage sex stuff", the school is "better equipped" to teach it. They were blaming the school and educators for their daughters pregnancy and even mentioned the "sue" word a couple times. UGH!!

After a 10 minute conversation with this very nice, suburban, two-income, two-kids couple, I was just shaking my head at THEIR stupidity! I know we all get pt's every day that make us take pause and think "did that person REALLY think/do/say that???" but with all the access to EVERYTHING sexual -music, movies, internet, "sexting", drugs, you name it - I just cannot believe that they have never, ever, ever spoken to either of their kids about sex and expect the school to do it because "we pay our taxes for them to teach them what they need to know in the world".

Whose to say if the girl wouldn't have gotten pregnant with or without parental teaching, but at least she would have had a fighting chance.

Thanks for letting me vent! This has been bugging me all week. :o

I posted this on a thread 2 years ago. Good questions to ask a 16 year old who wants to have sex with her boyfriend or vice versa. They simply have to think - actions have consequences. Are you ready for them?

Our local women's health NP gives teens this questionnaire to fill out when they come in for birth control.

Ask Yourself These Questions

Here are some questions to think about. They will help you decide whether teen sex has a place in your life and your goals.

1. How would I feel about having to choose between abortion, adoption or raising a child?

2. Am I ready to give up my freedom to parent a child?

3. Can I afford to raise and support a child?

4. What if I had to pay hundreds of dollars every month in child support until I am middle-aged?

5. If my partner and I were faced with an unplanned pregnancy, how would our relationship be affected? How would our families be affected?

6. How would my education and chance at a good career be affected by a pregnancy?

7. If I got a sexually transmitted disease, what would happen to my health? How would I feel about myself?

8. If I began having sex with my partner, and they walked out on the relationship, how would I be affected? What if this happened several times - as it does to most sexually active teens?

9. Deep in my heart and mind, do I think having sex as a teenager is right, wrong, moral or immoral?

10. Is there something special about my virginity?

11. Do I "live for the moment" without thinking of how my behavior might hurt me or another person later on or do I carefully consider the consequences of my actions?

12. Do I believe that sex should take place only with a serious, long-term commitment from both partners?

13. Do I assume that a sexual relationship will create a long-term commitment?

14. How can I live my life now in order to give myself the best possible chance for a successful future?

Hmmm.....in theory that questionaire is a good idea, but to make it way harder for teens to get what they need kind of rubs me the wrong way. The fact is that the girls who are coming in for birth control will be having sex anyway, with our without the birth control. Many may well walk out the door when presented with this questionaire and be without any education or guidance that they could have been provided by the NP. I appreciate the intentions, which I think are good and right, but the way of going about it is probably not very effective.

Hmmm.....in theory that questionaire is a good idea, but to make it way harder for teens to get what they need kind of rubs me the wrong way. The fact is that the girls who are coming in for birth control will be having sex anyway, with our without the birth control. Many may well walk out the door when presented with this questionaire and be without any education or guidance that they could have been provided by the NP. I appreciate the intentions, which I think are good and right, but the way of going about it is probably not very effective.

Getting the birth control isn't contingent on "passing" the questionnaire. It is simply information kids should really think about before having sex. She sits down with them and starts talking to them and asking them questions about their health status, family history, etc. Then they go over the questions. I think they are legit questions. This thread is about being honest with our kids - talking to them, right?

This is just like any kind of health education - if a newly diagnosed diabetic came in asking about insulin pumps, would you give them information? Or just hand them the insulin pump?

I'll bet the overweight person doesn't want to have to listen to education either.

But I think that the questions are important considerations when educating about sex and birth control.

Birth control isn't foolproof.

Have they thought about what happens when the condom breaks or they forget a pill?

I do not have my head in the sand - I know kids will still walk away and do what they want. Just like the diabetic or person with heart disease or the guy with high cholesterol. But we must educate them anyway - either that or we are being like the parents of the 13 year old. Because they might not listen is not a good reason to not talk about it.

(This coming from a mom who recently cleaned her daughter's apartment that she shares with 4 girls and 1 boy. As I gathered dirty dishes from the bedrooms, there on the bedside table of one of the girls was a pile of "Plan B" boxes - that makes me think these girls are not on birth control but having sex . . . it isn't smart to just rely on "Plan B".)

steph

Specializes in cardiothoracic surgery.

I have a 14 or 15 year old sister in law whose mom placed her on birth control pills "just in case". I very highly doubt her parents have had the "talk" with her. If I remember right, I don't even believe her mom told her that she was putting her on the pill until she went to the doctors office. Something about that just doesn't seem right to me. My in laws also believe the schools should teach their kids everything. Her mom does her homework for her, and then tells my sister in law she needs to get good grades to get into college! I am not going to have kids, but I believe the responsibility of sex education belongs mainly to the parents.

this coming from a mom who recently cleaned her daughter's apartment that she shares with 4 girls and 1 boy.

man, i wish my mom would clean my apartment, she just comes over and supervises.

man, i wish my mom would clean my apartment, she just comes over and supervises.

i can't help it . . :imbar :D but i only cleaned the kitchen and living room. the bathrooms and bedrooms are their job.

steph

Specializes in Emergency Dept, M/S.

Thank you so much for all the great replies. It has really just been eating at me, and I know it shouldn't, but we all know there is always the ONE pt that sticks with us for a while.

I forgot to add in my OP that while talking privately with mom and step-dad, the subject of the father of the baby came up, and they asked me if I thought rape charges could be brought against him. I asked how old he was (in my state if the girl is a minor, it is considered consentual sex if the male is less than 4 years older, but I know there are loopholes to that too) and they stated he was 15. The step dad then said something to the effect of "I guess maybe we should have met him before we let her go out with him", to which the mother replied, "Well, I know he lives in such-n-such area with all those nice homes (or something like that) so I *thought* he would come from a nicer family than he obviously does." Again, I was FLOORED. Just astounded. It was all I could not to put my size 7 1/2 right up both of their butts!

It never occured to me NOT to talk to my kids about sex and have an open line of communication with them about that, drugs, violence, etc. My whole "sex" talk involved my mom telling me to watch one particular episode of Eight Is Enough (I know, I'm dating myself here! Anyone remember that show??!) because one of the daughters was going through puberty. My mom said "watch this, because this is what you are going through..." When I became a mom, I vowed to never do that to my kids (to my mom's credit, that's how she was raised and it was nothing anyone talked about when I was growing up).

When my daughter decided she wanted to go on the pill, she came to me and we made an appt with her MD. At the appt, the Dr. asked if she wanted me in the room while they talked, to which my daugher replied "My mom knows why I'm here and I would like her to stay." The Dr. was sort of surprised, but I told her my daughter and I had spoken at great length about it, and she knew that even on the pill, she promised me she would make her b/f wear a condom for ANY kind of sex. The Dr. said she had never had a teen tell her that before, and was glad to hear that she was well-informed.

I do like the idea of that questionnaire. I think if anything, it will make them stop and think, which they tend not to do a lot of if they can help it.

I did let my children participate in sex education in the schools, but went to the Parent NIght prior to it to know what was going to be taught. Honestly, it was stuff my kids knew by that point anyway. My boys knew all about menstruation long before the 5th grade, having seen tampons or pads advertised or in the house and asked what they were for. Not that they didn't giggle and do the "ewwww, gross!" thing, but they knew and never were embarrassed about asking. But if I remember correctly, they even stated at the Parent Night that the information they taught MUST be backed up at home with opportunity for the child to talk to the parent after taking the classes. Given the very few parents that showed up (probably only 5-10% of the parents), I'm sure all of that didn't happen with most of the kids.

Thanks again for the replies. That pt did "hit home" again when I was triaging another pt yesterday, 21F, that said she "might" be preg "again". She wasn't, but having to triage her as a "G3, P2" for a 21F was sad and disturbing to me.

Specializes in Emergency Dept, M/S.
You know, I hope they do sue. It might bring this issue to light and give some parents a wake up call when the judge says unequivolently that it is NOT the school's sole responsibility to educate the child on sex. So what, now parents only have to feed, house and clothe the kids and leave the rest to the schools? Will potty training soon be in the Pre-K curriculum. God forbid parents have to teach that too! Maybe a parent will sue the school when a kid jumps off the roof because the school didn't teach the kid that he couldn't fly. That would be equally ridiculous!

You are absolutely right!! I never thought of it this way, but it is so true...

Specializes in Cath Lab, OR, CPHN/SN, ER.

If parents only knew- in the schools we're so limited by what we can teach because some sheltered "not my child" parent will come in an threaten to sue since we've corrupted their child. *insert rolling eyes here* If they heard what these kids talk about- WHOA.

If parents only knew- in the schools we're so limited by what we can teach because some sheltered "not my child" parent will come in an threaten to sue since we've corrupted their child. *insert rolling eyes here* If they heard what these kids talk about- WHOA.

My computer has a program that lets me monitor what my kids do online - even their IM's. My daughter came off the 'puter for a long time due to the disgusting way they all talk.

Granted, when I was in school we all cussed (looking back now - woo hoo, anyone can cuss). But the anonymity of the internet makes people cross lines that shouldn't be crossed. :cool:

steph

Thanks for explaining more about the questionaire, Steph. In that case, I think that it is a good thing that the NP does.

We weren't saints when I was a teen, most of my friends were no longer virgins by the time we all graduated from high school, but it seems like these kiddos today are ALL having sex at a much younger age. And there is a lot less adult supervision of kids today than there was when I was growing up. Scary.

Thanks for explaining more about the questionaire, Steph. In that case, I think that it is a good thing that the NP does.

We weren't saints when I was a teen, most of my friends were no longer virgins by the time we all graduated from high school, but it seems like these kiddos today are ALL having sex at a much younger age. And there is a lot less adult supervision of kids today than there was when I was growing up. Scary.

That is the scarier part - 17 vs 12 or 13 or even younger. Sad - I wish kids could have a true childhood free of the worry of being sexually active.

We've got a seamy local story about a 30 year old woman and 15/16 year old boys. :down:

http://www.redding.com/news/2009/may/14/woman-accused-of-having-sex-with-boy-in-anderson/

ANDERSON - "A 30-year-old Anderson woman accused of having sex or intimate encounters with at least three underage boys who were 15 to 16 years old pleaded not guilty Wednesday in Shasta County Superior Court. Deborah Lee Towe, who was arrested Tuesday afternoon at her Thomas Avenue home, is charged with 11 felonies, including unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, oral copulation of a person under the age of 16, committing lewd acts upon a child and arranging a meeting with a minor for a lewd purpose.. . . ."

steph

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