Mom Wants Me to Become an RN as Backup... But I Don't

TriciaJ, RN · Aug 14, 2018

I can understand your mother wanting you to have a Plan B, but her advice just shows how little she understands about being a nurse. It's really not a good Plan B. It's difficult enough for many people when it's Plan A and it's what you really want. No, it's not a "calling" but it does help if your heart is in it. And like previous posters have said, a nursing career doesn't sit well on a shelf waiting to be dusted off from time to time.

New grads struggle to find jobs and then struggle to succeed in them. People who have been away from it awhile (to have babies, recover from injury or deal with some other life event) find difficulty re-entering. Many states require expensive refresher courses after a time of inactivity; some states require recent practice hours to maintain a nursing license; other states require a certain number of continuing education credits per year.

So, I reiterate, nursing is not a good "backup" career. I really don't know what would be, probably something you are at least interested in and would enjoy keeping your hand in while you're getting your music career off the ground. However, any profession with a certain education requirement will probably require an ongoing commitment to maintaining it.

At this point, you're just going to have to trust yourself to know what you want, and trust yourself to handle your life if it doesn't go as planned. That's what being a grownup is. And your mother is going to have to put her anxiety aside, and trust that she did a good enough job of raising you. I wish you success in whatever you decide to do.

RyanThePianist · Aug 14, 2018

I'll play devil's advocate here. When I was 22 I was similarly obsessed with music. It was all I wanted to do and I pursued it voraciously. Over the years I've won awards, traveled the world and played on some of the world's best stages with some of the biggest bands and artists of the last few decades. But while I've been very successful in terms of artistic satisfaction and had some incredible experiences, I've never been able to make a living at it.

Rocknurse, have you ever considered teaching music? The difference between you and me is that your focus was entirely on performance, which is very difficult, if not, impossible to make a living unless you're a celebrity. I understand many performers would rather play gigs every day, and I realize many performers probably hate kids or the idea of teaching in general. Though, many performers resort to teaching because they realize finding gigs isn't stable. My own girlfriend wanted to become an orchestra violinist or an ensemble musician, but she resorted to teaching because she needed the money (and now she actually enjoys teaching, so that's great). Teaching is a the most stable job most musicians have. In my case, I absolutely love teaching, and would make it the main gig, which I have been doing since I teach around 20-30 kids at my workplace in group piano and private lessons (since I work under somebody I don't get paid in full, but imagine if I was the top boss at my own studio).

To everyone else, I have to thank you for your honest thoughts. I came here looking for advice from those actually experienced in the field of nursing since me and my mom have zero experience, and I'm glad I did. If anybody else has any comments or thoughts feel free to leave them, no matter if you agree or disagree would my decision to go full focus into music.

I'd say the only thing bothering me right now is that my mom said she "can't die happy" knowing that I didn't become a nurse. She says she'd rather have me obey her parents like a good Filipino child would, get a nursing degree since my mom wants that stability, and then do music. She'll probably be anxious for years if I go into music first. While this is guilting me, I feel that I need to continue my path if I'm going to put in full effort to make music stable by obtaining a Master's, teaching, and doing side performances.

sasera · Aug 14, 2018

I don't know anything about music, but wouldn't a Master's in something like music education be more helpful for your career goals than piano performance? Just a thought.

Don't pursue nursing; it's not a backup career. It's hard and involves continual learning, even after you've finished your formal education. If you don't want to be a nurse, don't even entertain the idea of being one.

Now, about your mom...This doesn't sound like a case of "mothers worrying about their kids." Your mom sounds controlling. She can't "die happy" until YOU, an adult, does what SHE wants you to do? That's a big "Nope" from me.

I would even go so far as to suggest you talk to a counselor/psychologist/professional of some sort to get help dealing with your mom and the guilt she's trying to push on you.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Aug 14, 2018

Ryan,

As the mother of four adult kids, let me tell you that the only person responsible for decisions in your life at this point is YOU. If YOU let your mother control your future career / life path- YOU will regret it.

Honor your mom? Sure!

Respect your mom? Absolutely!

Live your life according to mom's path for you? Nope!

Twinmom06, ASN, APN · Aug 14, 2018

Nursing is a 2nd career for me. I went to nursing school at 37, and graduated at 39. Follow your dreams and in 10-15 years if its what you want to do, you can always do it. Good luck.

CKPM2RN, ASN, EMT-P · Aug 15, 2018

I have a friend who has a bachelor's and then a master's in voice performance. (Opera) He worked as and Emergency Room Tech which is EMT level for many years while building his career in Opera. Now he makes his living solely through voice. He both teaches and he is a regular performer at local metropolitan operas and he has done many guest performances throughout the nation. Follow your dream. Sometimes the path is not what you expect.

FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN · Aug 15, 2018

Hi all,
My name is Ryan, I'm 22 years old, and I recently graduated college with a music major and biology minor. I completed the premed prereqs, but realized in the last year that I don't love medicine, and that I'd rather get a Master's degree in Classical Piano Performance so that I can potentially teach music at universities, K-12, perform around the city/churches, and start a home piano studio to take in students for lessons. Music has been my passion since before I was a teenager, and as a teacher currently, I absolutely love all the kids that I teach and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything else.
I have one dilemma: Since I quit premed, my dad has been ok with my decision, but my mom has been begging me to at least become a nurse as a backup degree... basically, she wants me to spend all this money, time, and energy to obtain a degree that I won't even use (unless I somehow quit music or if need the money). I get she wants me to have a stable backup plan since running a studio is basically running my own private business, which she isn't comfortable about as she thinks I'll be "crawling for money". In my view, yes you gotta hustle and persist to make money, but I'm fully aware of this and accepted that it's a life I want to live.
A career in music may mean that I have to pay for my own health insurance if I don't work at a school, and my income isn't salary based if I don't land a school job; however, I feel I can make it work like the many other successful music teachers/performers in my city who cobble a career together with multiple music-related jobs, and I feel as if going to nursing school would just be wasting my time and money that I could be using to obtain my Master's degree in music and start my business with zero debt. I feel like if I get a nursing degree, I'd be age 25 or so by then, and then I'd have to pay off that debt working in a job I don't enjoy, and then get my Master's in music, then find jobs and gigs while starting my studio.
Best case scenario: There's a teacher in my city who charges $65 per hour lesson, and she has 45 private students and a couple of other employees in her studio. She also accompanies musicians on the side for school. This is quite a lot of money, in my opinion. This is something I want to do one day.
Lastly, I don't care about being rich... as long as I make somewhere around 50-70k I think I'd be pretty satisfied, especially since I'm in my dream career.
I'm simply here to ask what other nurses or nursing students think about this situation. Is it worth it to go through the schooling just to have a fallback degree? Should I just go all in for music and go to nursing school if music isn't paying the bills (which I feel won't be the case since I'm so driven)?
Feel free to ask me any questions you have, especially about music since I'm sure that field isn't a common topic to many of you.
Thank you!
Ryan

Nursing does not work as a back up. It requires way too much dedication and drive for that. Go for music as hard as you can. No back up. Just do it.

Bumex, DNP, NP · Aug 15, 2018

Nursing is not a fall back profession. End of discussion.

ProperlySeasoned · Aug 15, 2018

Ryan - Go for music. Don't live a life of regret. But, as I mother, I am going to give you unsolicited advice. Please do not take out a ton of student loans. A RN with a stable job can pay them off. As as musician and small business owner? Yikes. Set yourself up for success, not scraping by as soon as you graduate.

I'll bet your mom wants you to have roof over your head, "a good life," and enough money to one day have a family of your own. My husband's parents are recent immigrants as well. In their eyes, nursing and medicine provide a stable path to the American Dream. It is hard for them to consider that there might be a different path, or even a different destination.

Rocknurse, MSN, APRN, NP · Aug 15, 2018

Rocknurse, have you ever considered teaching music? The difference between you and me is that your focus was entirely on performance, which is very difficult, if not, impossible to make a living unless you're a celebrity. I understand many performers would rather play gigs every day, and I realize many performers probably hate kids or the idea of teaching in general. Though, many performers resort to teaching because they realize finding gigs isn't stable. My own girlfriend wanted to become an orchestra violinist or an ensemble musician, but she resorted to teaching because she needed the money (and now she actually enjoys teaching, so that's great). Teaching is a the most stable job most musicians have. In my case, I absolutely love teaching, and would make it the main gig, which I have been doing since I teach around 20-30 kids at my workplace in group piano and private lessons (since I work under somebody I don't get paid in full, but imagine if I was the top boss at my own studio).
To everyone else, I have to thank you for your honest thoughts. I came here looking for advice from those actually experienced in the field of nursing since me and my mom have zero experience, and I'm glad I did. If anybody else has any comments or thoughts feel free to leave them, no matter if you agree or disagree would my decision to go full focus into music.
I'd say the only thing bothering me right now is that my mom said she "can't die happy" knowing that I didn't become a nurse. She says she'd rather have me obey her parents like a good Filipino child would, get a nursing degree since my mom wants that stability, and then do music. She'll probably be anxious for years if I go into music first. While this is guilting me, I feel that I need to continue my path if I'm going to put in full effort to make music stable by obtaining a Master's, teaching, and doing side performances.

No, I've never considered teaching music. I would hate that...it would take all the fun out of it, plus I don't like kids so that would pretty much be my idea of hell. Music was about performance only for me. Having said that, if that's your passion then go for it. There is a need for passionate music teachers and at least you'll be able to make a living out of that and still do performance on the side. You have to live your life for you, or you'll find yourself bitter and resentful towards your mother years down the road and that would be awful. You're a grown adult. Talk to her and tell her that you've seriously considered nursing but it's not for you and you have decided to become a music teacher, and then go and pursue that. Have no regrets and make no apologies. Others commenting here are right...nursing cannot be a backup profession. It is time-consuming and soul-consuming. I love nursing, love medicine. I've spent many, many years honing my skills, going to school and trying to climb higher and higher, and it's taken all of my focus and strength. It's not for the faint-hearted. Do what you love. Good luck!

Ben_Dover · Aug 15, 2018

"Lastly, I don't care about being rich... as long as I make somewhere around 50-70k I think I'd be pretty satisfied, especially..."

Just an FYI, nursing won't make you rich financially ....but it will surely take you away from the poverty line. :)

m1lkofamnesia · Aug 15, 2018

You're an adult, and you make your own decisions. It is your life that you must live for the next 50+ years, not your parents.