Plz read!!! Nurse using drugs what should i do???

[J-Star]

I have a friend, not a best friend but close enough to where she trusts me with her personal information and lifestyle,

When I decided to leave my engineering job, after careful consideration I decided on nursing. This is when red flags started to go up for me.

This friend I have - she is a HEAVY DAILY marijuana user. She has even told me that she "HAS" to (yes, as in - she believes it is absolutely necessary for functionality) smoke before she goes to work - excuse me, before she DRIVES HERSELF TO WORK in the wee hours of the morning.

This is only part of my problem with the situation.

Now, I live in a moderate size house with one child and my husband. Everyday we STILL feel like there is always something more we can do for him. You know, corners to cut so our son can have more. This friend has two birthed children and one on the way. She lives in a small questionable apartment complex, in a two bedroom apartment. Her infant in the crib is sleeping in her room and her son has his own small room. They live here because it is all she can afford. Her husband doesn't work. Now, my friend, she is pregnant with her THIRD child within a 3 year period and claims constantly that this is even MORE REASON TO SMOKE IF NOT SMOKE MORE!!! She tells me, I tried to quit smoking for a day and I just felt really sick so I HAD TO SMOKE... )=

My internal response to this? WELCOME TO BEING PREGNANT!!!!!

I can't lie or be a hypocrite, I smoked when I met her 2 years ago - I have quit since then, obviously. I am not against LEGITIMATE medicinal use, but NOT for common recreation. She tells me that they spend over $1000 a month, sometimes exceeding $1500 a month on marijuana alone. She used to make fun of me for worrying about spending $100 for marijuana in six weeks by saying "Thats all?!?hahaha" I understand the misconception of a person hidden in the fog that "marijuana is safe and is illegal for -dot dot dot - fill in the blank with a million self righteous statements.... I know that it feels like it can be okay to do when you are doing it. When I quit I felt so guilty for having smoked for the amount of time that I did - for the money and time it had cost me. I have tried EVERY conceivable way possible to express my concern to her about this and I have actually cut off communication with her because of this. But this post isn't about me...

It is about the trouble I am having making a responsible decision.

Here are the facts - some are only opinion but this is what I am weighing: (not necessarily in order of importance because I am not sure what order they should be in!!!!)

1.) I believe strongly that the amount of money she spends on this drug is considered child abuse via financial neglect to her responsibility of being a parent with financial capability and means

2.) I am afraid she may wreck her car driving so early in the morning while stoned - no matter how in control she feels.

3.) She is dishonoring her oath she took as a nurse - this is very dishonorable no matter how you look at it

4.) She is in denial about her use in MANY MANY aspects and will not hear reason or logic

5.) She will quit long enough for a urinalysis but thats all she is "capable" of doing - I am saddened (and shocked) she doesn't feel the guilt of not being sober during these periods - what does this speak to her mission as a nurse?

6.) She claims she is seeking a PhD in medicinal marijuana research for therapy in particular for pregnant women.

7.) She is living at poverty level because of her expense for marijuana.

8.) If I report her she loses her license and cannot provide for her family.

9.) SHE MAY KILL SOMEONE OR NOT SAVE SOMEONE (SAME DIFFERENCE??) IN THEIR TIME OF NEED FOR HER HELP!!!!! I WOULDN'T WANT A STONED NURSE!!!!!

10.) Science hasn't dictated whether or not marijuana is harmful to an unborn baby - but why is she risking it?!? I want her to stop really bad for this reason!!! (amongst others of course)

So - what would YOU do? I am very concerned for her well being, though, I am an honorable person and want to keep ignorant mistakes that could be prevented from happening. I mean, what if I save many peoples lives before becoming a nurse by preventing her from killing someone or preventing a good nurse from caring for this friend's current patients. Does any of this make sense. I have worked myself up so badly on occasion over the matter that I begin to cry my heart out. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want her to hurt someone else. I am not a whistle blower type, but I feel wrong for not doing anything. She has no support and is as nice and honest as anyone could ever be. She would never hurt anyone intentionally, and loves her family. I think she is really psychologically addicted to marijuana and needs help...

Someone - anyone - if you made it this far in my rant , please help me by sharing your opinions or similar experiences. This is a very very big problem for me.

EDIT: I have not claimed to want to report her for anything - I simply am trying to determine if inaction is wrongful. This is a situation that is close to me and I wonder if I am too close to make a reasonable judgment. I am not being overtly opinionated about any of my facts, I am just merely including the items that I think hold weight in it.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

Wow, what an incredibly dramatic post!

Not quite sure what you're asking for in terms of answers/advice.

"I am an honorable person and want to keep ignorant mistakes that could be prevented from happening. I mean, what if I save many peoples lives before becoming a nurse by preventing her from killing someone or preventing a good nurse from caring for this friend's current patients"

It's tough to save the world. Hard to believe, but you're not in charge of anyone other than yourself.

This is posted on a nursing forum because....??

[Earl Froster]

I agree, a nurse should not be stoned on the job. But I must say your comment about "the oath" a nurse takes? Are you for real? Have you ever heard of "terminal sedation" or "palliative sedation"? How about docs and nurses removing the "products of conception"? Hippocratic oath in med school, come on wake up! We are way beyond living by any oathes in the medical field! Medical terminology works well when needed, how about "EUTHANASIA and ABORTION"! Your worried about a nurse smoking pot? Get in the real world!

[Flo., BSN, RN]

I have a problem with a nurse going to work stoned. I would report her to the BON.

[leslie :-D]

my only real concern, is about her being high on the job.

short of that, her living arrangements, while not ideal, are none of your business.

unless you have verifiable proof of child neglect/abuse, you have no right to say anything.

as for being high, i suppose you can always make an anonymous report to the bon.

leslie

[dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I]

My personal observation has been that party people do lots of different drugs (alcohol included). When a person habitually uses a single drug it's frequently self medication. Treatment usually includes a prescription for a legal drug which accomplishes what the self medication was doing. Your friend may be an example of this. You've probably done all you can short of an anonymous call to the authorities. De-stress yourself. You can only change yourself, and are not responsible for others errors, especially when you've tried so hard to help. I'm concerned that you may be hurting yourself or your family if you're too preoccupied with your friends problem. If you've never heard the starfish story, it's easy to find on line. All nurses must accept that we can't save the world. Just little pieces of it from time to time. Good luck.

[Isitpossible, LPN, LVN]

i think she posted on the nursing forum b/c the friend is a nurse..i dont know if the op in school but yes we hear alot about the oath. once we're practicing nurses we will understand more of Earls opinion, but as students were still "wet behind the ears" so to speak.

op: u said your against recreational smoking but u also stated that you smoked just 2 years ago..and were able to quit..good for you..but besides her being a NURSE she is a person first..and all kinds of people have problems, including doctors..ive heard of many doctors addicted to cocaine..really not much you can do about it, but talk to HER, tell her that your very concerned for her welfare, kids welfare and putting her JOB at stake...but ultimately it will be her decision...If you do NOT work with her as a nurse, and dont see her "stoned" at work, you have no moral obligation to report anything..she sounds like she needs a lot of emotional support...everyone does at some point..even nurses!

[robby5313]

I feel you need to report this. You have a legitimate concern. Would it be okay if she were getting stoned on Demerol, Xanax, Hydrocodone, alcohol and then working? It is a mind-altering drug....plain and simple. And it is illegal. Just because she tests positive for drugs dosen't mean that she will lose her license. There are drug treatment programs and substance abuse programs that work with nurses. As far as abuse of her children.....hell yes it is abuse. Hello! she is smoking marijuana and pregnant. Not to mention if her other kids are exposed when she smokes. Do the right thing!

[HeartsOpenWide, RN]

What she does on her own time is her own business, going to work stoned is not Ok. What should you do? She is going to get caught during a random drug screen.

[systoly]

This sounds like a tragic situation and there's probably no fix it all. While the dope on the job is certainly a concern, I would hope that the employer can take care of this. What actually bothers me more is the husband who won't work. He's obviously not disabled as he has no trouble making babies. He just falls short when it comes to taking care of them. I wonder if that situation is responsible for your friends need to escape reality.

[J-Star]

@roser13 - posted in this forum b/c she is a nurse and I am curious as to what her professional peers may think.

@Earl - you made few complete statements but as far as I can tell you are confused about my intentions/concerns, and a bit insensitive. As far as I have stated these are only things that have made an appearance as considerations in my mind. A nurse smoking pot concerns me b/c I know what it is like to be high and I would not want a stoned nurse treating me. This is very real world, I live in it, you live in it, and she works under the influence in it.

@Leslie - she is my friend and I have been to her house many times, the first few with my own son, so this is very much my business. Especially when she calls me with her concerns on a weekly basis, sometimes even asking me for advice about how to treat her own children for their colds. Makes me a bit uneasy - but that's me.

@dth - no worries, I have not overtly preoccupied myself with this problem. In my free time, yes, it creeps on the mind, but in no way does this hinder my ability to take care of my home, child, and demanding job.

@Isitpossible - thanks for your input. I am not sure what you mean about Earl's opinion, but I do not think my position would be much different is I had a Master's degree in nursing. Of course there is a bit of desensitizing that must be dealt with. The truth is in the medical field or not my concerns are that of many and not just one of a pre or post graduate nursing major.

@ everyone else not specifically addressed - I appreciate your comments, it does help me make a more rational decision.

I have not said whether or not I would report her, I am just trying to determine if doing nothing is the wrong choice.

[Despareux]

Before you decide to report her, in this particular situation, I would, personally, weigh heavily on the consequences of any potential actions you can choose from.