Plz read!!! Nurse using drugs what should i do???

[J-Star]

I have a friend, not a best friend but close enough to where she trusts me with her personal information and lifestyle,

When I decided to leave my engineering job, after careful consideration I decided on nursing. This is when red flags started to go up for me.

This friend I have - she is a HEAVY DAILY marijuana user. She has even told me that she "HAS" to (yes, as in - she believes it is absolutely necessary for functionality) smoke before she goes to work - excuse me, before she DRIVES HERSELF TO WORK in the wee hours of the morning.

This is only part of my problem with the situation.

Now, I live in a moderate size house with one child and my husband. Everyday we STILL feel like there is always something more we can do for him. You know, corners to cut so our son can have more. This friend has two birthed children and one on the way. She lives in a small questionable apartment complex, in a two bedroom apartment. Her infant in the crib is sleeping in her room and her son has his own small room. They live here because it is all she can afford. Her husband doesn't work. Now, my friend, she is pregnant with her THIRD child within a 3 year period and claims constantly that this is even MORE REASON TO SMOKE IF NOT SMOKE MORE!!! She tells me, I tried to quit smoking for a day and I just felt really sick so I HAD TO SMOKE... )=

My internal response to this? WELCOME TO BEING PREGNANT!!!!!

I can't lie or be a hypocrite, I smoked when I met her 2 years ago - I have quit since then, obviously. I am not against LEGITIMATE medicinal use, but NOT for common recreation. She tells me that they spend over $1000 a month, sometimes exceeding $1500 a month on marijuana alone. She used to make fun of me for worrying about spending $100 for marijuana in six weeks by saying "Thats all?!?hahaha" I understand the misconception of a person hidden in the fog that "marijuana is safe and is illegal for -dot dot dot - fill in the blank with a million self righteous statements.... I know that it feels like it can be okay to do when you are doing it. When I quit I felt so guilty for having smoked for the amount of time that I did - for the money and time it had cost me. I have tried EVERY conceivable way possible to express my concern to her about this and I have actually cut off communication with her because of this. But this post isn't about me...

It is about the trouble I am having making a responsible decision.

Here are the facts - some are only opinion but this is what I am weighing: (not necessarily in order of importance because I am not sure what order they should be in!!!!)

1.) I believe strongly that the amount of money she spends on this drug is considered child abuse via financial neglect to her responsibility of being a parent with financial capability and means

2.) I am afraid she may wreck her car driving so early in the morning while stoned - no matter how in control she feels.

3.) She is dishonoring her oath she took as a nurse - this is very dishonorable no matter how you look at it

4.) She is in denial about her use in MANY MANY aspects and will not hear reason or logic

5.) She will quit long enough for a urinalysis but thats all she is "capable" of doing - I am saddened (and shocked) she doesn't feel the guilt of not being sober during these periods - what does this speak to her mission as a nurse?

6.) She claims she is seeking a PhD in medicinal marijuana research for therapy in particular for pregnant women.

7.) She is living at poverty level because of her expense for marijuana.

8.) If I report her she loses her license and cannot provide for her family.

9.) SHE MAY KILL SOMEONE OR NOT SAVE SOMEONE (SAME DIFFERENCE??) IN THEIR TIME OF NEED FOR HER HELP!!!!! I WOULDN'T WANT A STONED NURSE!!!!!

10.) Science hasn't dictated whether or not marijuana is harmful to an unborn baby - but why is she risking it?!? I want her to stop really bad for this reason!!! (amongst others of course)

So - what would YOU do? I am very concerned for her well being, though, I am an honorable person and want to keep ignorant mistakes that could be prevented from happening. I mean, what if I save many peoples lives before becoming a nurse by preventing her from killing someone or preventing a good nurse from caring for this friend's current patients. Does any of this make sense. I have worked myself up so badly on occasion over the matter that I begin to cry my heart out. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want her to hurt someone else. I am not a whistle blower type, but I feel wrong for not doing anything. She has no support and is as nice and honest as anyone could ever be. She would never hurt anyone intentionally, and loves her family. I think she is really psychologically addicted to marijuana and needs help...

Someone - anyone - if you made it this far in my rant , please help me by sharing your opinions or similar experiences. This is a very very big problem for me.

EDIT: I have not claimed to want to report her for anything - I simply am trying to determine if inaction is wrongful. This is a situation that is close to me and I wonder if I am too close to make a reasonable judgment. I am not being overtly opinionated about any of my facts, I am just merely including the items that I think hold weight in it.

[Coulter630]

I simply can't believe people would look the other way when they knew bloody well a nurse they were working with was impaired. "Don't snitch"? What is this, a hospital or the "hood"? How would you feel if she harmed a patient and you knew she was working impaired and you could have prevented that patient from being harmed?

We have a duty to protect our patients first. If that means doing something that could potentially ruin a friendship, so be it. And how much of a friend can this woman be if she puts other people in such an untenable position?

For lack of a better word, yes "snitch". You have to put yourself in her position. The word will get around that something was said about this woman and it will cause animosity in the HOSPITAL. And if I do remember, the word smack was used earlier in one of your posts which I think is pretty "hoodish". I wasn't excusing it. I simply recommended she submit something anonymously

[J-Star]

I am a bit discouraged that some have come to think that this post was an elaborate story I made up with the small amount of free time that I have. I am honestly and truly torn between what would be right and wrong to do in this situation. I do realize I included a lot of information that may have not been relevant to the actual problem, but it happened to be a lot of what was on my mind since we were friends and she would choose to partake in front of me occasionally. I have since discontinued our friendship but I am still worried about her going to work high. She has openly admitted it to me and is very vocal about her efforts in avoiding a failed urinalysis for employment. Maybe one of the reasons I am so concerned is that she has recently secured a job at the hospital closest to my home. I am aware of how she likes to go to work, but others - not likely. I would never want someone who wasn't in a sober state of mind to treat me or my loved ones as human circumstances are not static and it could easily become a matter of life and death.

[sevensonnets]

If this were an actual situation why haven't you already turned your former friend in to the BON and child protective services? You didn't need the opinions of strangers over the internet to figure out what to do. You've come back after all this time to express disappointment in US??

[nursel56]

J- please review the law in your state regarding liability of nurses who are aware of a situation that would likely result in action taken by your BON. Here in California, 3 years ago they really tightened up our reporting requirements and increased penalties for simply knowing about something like that.

Regardless of the personal details regarding your friend's life, nothing should harm your ability to make a living simply due to a mandated reporting law.

Best wishes to you. It isn't easy to do the right thing even when you know what it is.

[LongislandRN23]

Here are my thoughts:

1.) your freind's husband needs to get a job.

2.) You need to report her to the BON- Marijuana is illegal for a reason and I have known people who have gotten into car accidents and went to jail for being stoned and driving. An what if she is stoned at work and gives the wrong medication to the wrong patient?

3.) She SHOULD NOT BE SMOKING MARIJUANA WHILE PREGNANT. I mean if she serious? She needs to be reported to social services...she is not a good mother or even a decent one at that for exposing her children and UNBORN child to pot: http://www.livestrong.com/article/116571-dangers-smoking-marijuana-pregnant/.

4.) You need to cut off all contact with her

[J-Star]

No, you are right SS. I didn't need the opinions of strangers, but I did want to know if I was perhaps over reacting because of my proximity to the situation. I never expressed disappointment in a person or group of persons, just that I was disappointed from being shilled out as a prankster, I apologize if I suggested otherwise. I haven't turned her in because it is hard to live with ruining someone's life, no matter how wrong you think they are living it.

[LACA, BSN, LPN, RN]

No, you are right SS. I didn't need the opinions of strangers, but I did want to know if I was perhaps over reacting because of my proximity to the situation. I never expressed disappointment in a person or group of persons, just that I was disappointed from being shilled out as a prankster, I apologize if I suggested otherwise. I haven't turned her in because it is hard to live with ruining someone's life, no matter how wrong you think they are living it.

But wouldn't it be harder to live with ending someone's life because she went to work stoned and made a massive mistake and killed a patient?? Unlikely? Probably. Possible? YES. She's going to work UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF AN ILLEGAL DRUG. It doesn't matter who she is, what she is to you, or anything else---she needs to be reported. Do the anonymous thing and call her employer, suggest that they do a random ON THE SPOT test. Let the chips fall where they do. You are NOT responsible for "ruining" her life...she did that when she decided to go to work stoned.

Just my

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

But wouldn't it be harder to live with ending someone's life because she went to work stoned and made a massive mistake and killed a patient?? Unlikely? Probably. Possible? YES. She's going to work UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF AN ILLEGAL DRUG. It doesn't matter who she is, what she is to you, or anything else---she needs to be reported. Do the anonymous thing and call her employer, suggest that they do a random ON THE SPOT test. Let the chips fall where they do. You are NOT responsible for "ruining" her life...she did that when she decided to go to work stoned.

Just my

Very well said. I have compassion for the addict because she must be feeling a lot of pain in order to NEED to numb herself to her circumstances, but there is no excuse for giving nursing care while impaired. It's DANGEROUS. Patient safety trumps all, folks.

[Black Jade, BSN, RN]

7.) She is living at poverty level because of her expense for marijuana.

8.) If I report her she loses her license and cannot provide for her family.

9.) SHE MAY KILL SOMEONE OR NOT SAVE SOMEONE (SAME DIFFERENCE??) IN THEIR TIME OF NEED FOR HER HELP!!!!! I WOULDN'T WANT A STONED NURSE!!!!!

#7 & #8 - She made that decision as a nurse. She is a nurse (supposedly a professional with critical thinking skills) who is old enough to know what's right and what's wrong. You are not responsible for her actions, but you are responsible to report this behavior to the BON. How would you feel if she did kill somebody or injured somebody (especially her unborn baby?) knowing that you could've possibly stop it? She doesn't have any regards for you or others. I had a friend who was a cop and he caught his roommate and his girlfriend smoke marijuana. He told him to never let him see him do this again, because he would make him an accomplice and jeopardize his job as a police officer.

I saw one post of a nurse who went out with her friends for drinks prior to going to work. This is the same. She is under the influence and she is putting her patients at risk. I wouldn't want her as my nurse.