Please Help

[guest1136129]

I am the dad of a new nurse (BSN). I watched my girl work her way through school for the last 6 years. I am asking for your help because my daughter is having severe stress reaction at her first job. She is working on an intermediate cardiac floor in a hospital. She is being trained by a Preceptor who can be brutal at times. My daughter has called off sick due to vomiting, nausea, crying, dry heaves and feels like she is lost. The Department Director has been understanding but has told my daughter to take the weekend to think about what she wants to do because her points are almost used up. The Director has also indicated that they could talk to H.R. to see what can be done. I know from past experiences that when H.R. gets involved its just a matter of time before someone is let go. My daughter doesn't want to lose her job and is going to ask her Director if she can be assigned a different Preceptor. A little backgound information; My daughter met a guy seven years ago who told her to "Be a Nurse". So my daughter wanting to please her boyfriend went to school and graduated (BSN). Her motivation to succeed was based on her boyfriend's insistance that he would not propose nor give her an engagement ring until she finished school. He did get her a ring at graduation and proposed shortly thereafter. However, the guy is insisting that my daughter work and he will not pay for my daughter's debts. And so my daughter is afraid to lose her job because it could cause her relationship to end. My daughter wants to work and wants to be a partner as her now fiance insists that he "doesn't want a dependent"..."he wants a partner". My daughter has worked hard just to get a ring and her wedding to the guy is scheduled for early spring. I am asking for any advice to help my girl through this very stressful time. Thanks

[Wuzzie]

15 minutes ago, Rose_Queen said:

OP appears to have deactivated their account so I doubt we will be given any further clarification

Well, there you have it and it figures.

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

Severe stress is experienced by many new graduate nurses. That's why Allnurses created the First Year After Licensure forum: https://allnurses.com/first-year-after-licensure-c141/ for support.

Your daughter needs to stand on her own two feet. Encourage her to contact her facilities Employee Assistance Program (EAP) ---it's a FREE confidential workplace service that employers pay for. EAP helps employees deal with employee, work-life stressors, family issues, financial concerns, relationship problems, and even drug or legal concerns. My employer's EAP provided 3 free phone counseling sessions and would link one to community counseling with discounted cost when further counseling desired.

Additional support available in AN's Health / Stress Management forum. https://allnurses.com/health-stress-management-c146/

Wishing her better days ahead.

[amoLucia]

The SUPPOSED dtr here is only on orientation - I doubt that EAP would be of very much help. The employer really has no invested interest in her as of yet.

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

EAP is available to orientees in my health system to help them over the hump in an attempt to retain employee.

[Katie82, RN]

I've heard a lot of reasons for choosing a career in nursing, some of them very lame. But no one has ever told me that they chose nursing because a partner "coerced" them into a BSN program. First big mistake... Second would be to marry this fool. Nursing is a wide-open profession, but most paths lead through at least a few years of bedside nursing. Choose a floor that is a little less stressful, and a new preceptor.

[El Primus]

Very complicated story with lot of nuances . I hope your health improves and that your daughter finds a way to make this better for herself but for no one else including you or the partner. Best of luck

[FashionablyL8, CNA, LPN]

I think that the post is either a troll, an actual father who deleted his account when he didn't receive the unequivocal support he wanted OR (long shot) an upset new nurse with some issues posting as a father instead of herself for reasons too strange and varied to list.

That said, I cannot imagine anyone completing a BSN program because their fiance "told them to do it" unless the fiance had complete control over them, which is very disturbing. I'm a first term LPN student and while I wouldn't say it's terribly hard, it is very time consuming. I look at BSN programs as LPN programs × 10 in terms of time and difficulty. Years of exams and clinicals and writing papers? I just can't see it- and I've done some crazy things to please an abusive, controlling man. If this young woman is an actual person, she either needs professional help or is simply a new nurse going through a rough time and venting to her dad (perhaps exaggerating/blaming in a ploy for sympathy-or not).

On the assumption that the posted situation is true, I sympathize with the dad but feel that he really needs to take several steps back. As a parent, I was overly involved when one of my kids was going through a very hard time (unrelated to career). The best thing I did was stop trying to control her, help her, FIX her, and realize that she needed to travel her own path and find her way. It is terrifying to let go of your adult child even in a non life-threatening situation (the problem in my situation was life-threatening). My advice to the dad is to learn to accept that you can't- and shouldn't- control the outcome of your daughter's well-being. We can watch, hope and/or pray, and be there to listen and support- but they need to do the work themselves. Otherwise they remain helpless in their own minds, always turning to others to "do something"or "make them happy".

Sorry for the long post- I think I'm trying to avoid all the school work I should be doing right now. Happy New Year, everyone!

[El Primus]

Very complicated story with lot of nuances . I hope your health improves and that your daughter finds a way to make this better for herself but for no one else including you or the partner. Best of luck

@FashionablyL8 I felt like the story was fluke too until I read the thread. Being slow to judgement and conclusion is one lesson I got from this ?

[Tanacious, MSN, RN, APRN, NP]

Your daughter has to fight her own battles if she is gonna make it. If the preceptor is too much for her she can request a different one. Her, not you! Honestly, the family members will be much hard on her then the preceptor at times, so she needs to develop some think skin. You going to her PCM doesn't look good in her favor. If a Cardiac Stepdown is too much for her she can request to move to a different floor.

[benharold1, BSN]

I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is stressed-out and having a difficult time with her job. My 1st year as an RN was also very difficult. But I stuck with it and have been a nurse for 36 years now. I would suggest that she try to find a new preceptor or look for a job that is less stressful but encourage her to stick with her current job for at least a year. As far as the fiance goes, he seems to be manipulative. Nursing is very stressful and he needs to understand that. If she does marry him he may constantly control her in all aspects of her life. It's her life, so why should she live and make decisions on solely what he desires. I wish her the best of luck. She has a responsibility to be committed to the patient's and families she cares for. She needs to take care of herself before she can take care of others.

[KCMnurse, BSN, MSN, RN]

I don't even know what to think about this - if it is true - it's a hot mess!!

Dad needs to be supportive but the daughter needs to make her own decisions (and mistakes). Ditch the 'fiance', get a new job and figure out what SHE wants to do without the men in her life directing her path.

[AnnaFender]

She is in over her head and there is no shame in admitting that and finding another job as a new nurse. She needs to go work on an easier floor like a long term car facility or on a med surgical unit until she learns how to manage her time as a nurse. And she will know what that means. She is trying to learn all this and monitor cardiac patients? Oh hell no! She is not a failure she is rightfully stressed out and it isnt worth it. They say nurses eat their young and unfortunately it sounds like she is experiencing that now and it really pisses me off that someone thought it was a good idea to hire her on this floor as a new nurse. Listen. We all know *** runs down hill and I hate to see her turn into the bitter *** that has set her up for failure now. Tell her I said not to beat herself up and find a slower pace less critical nursing job until she is ready to take on the higher acuity patients. And tell her to tell her bf to lighten up or pound sand.