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Discussion

Please Help

I am the dad of a new nurse (BSN). I watched my girl work her way through school for the last 6 years. I am asking for your help because my daughter is having severe stress reaction at her first job. She is working on an intermediate cardiac floor in a hospital. She is being trained by a Preceptor who can be brutal at times. My daughter has called off sick due to vomiting, nausea, crying, dry heaves and feels like she is lost. The Department Director has been understanding but has told my daughter to take the weekend to think about what she wants to do because her points are almost used up. The Director has also indicated that they could talk to H.R. to see what can be done. I know from past experiences that when H.R. gets involved its just a matter of time before someone is let go. My daughter doesn't want to lose her job and is going to ask her Director if she can be assigned a different Preceptor. A little backgound information; My daughter met a guy seven years ago who told her to "Be a Nurse". So my daughter wanting to please her boyfriend went to school and graduated (BSN). Her motivation to succeed was based on her boyfriend's insistance that he would not propose nor give her an engagement ring until she finished school. He did get her a ring at graduation and proposed shortly thereafter. However, the guy is insisting that my daughter work and he will not pay for my daughter's debts. And so my daughter is afraid to lose her job because it could cause her relationship to end. My daughter wants to work and wants to be a partner as her now fiance insists that he "doesn't want a dependent"..."he wants a partner". My daughter has worked hard just to get a ring and her wedding to the guy is scheduled for early spring. I am asking for any advice to help my girl through this very stressful time. Thanks

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    Frankly, I'd be telling her to run far, far away from such a manipulative [censored] "partner".

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    • Author

    Yes, very keen on your part to pick up on that. I have told her many times but he gives her crumbs now and then to keep her quite. I appreciate your wisdom.

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    • Moderator

    Your daughter needs to figure out her own way in life without the men (yes, plural) in her life fighting her battles or telling her what to do. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with wanting an equal partner who contributes. A ring on a finger doesn't equate to sitting at home and being cared for by your partner. I find this entire post somewhat odd, but I understand being concerned for your child. Best of luck.

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    This post removed by Oldschool

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    • Moderator

    Oh yes, I read your post. Obviously if you leave things out, then you paint an incomplete picture. You stated that your daughter worked hard for that ring, but I think a better perspective is that she worked hard for her degree and RN. But again, she needs to figure this out for herself like a grown woman. I would be upset if my father came to a website of my peers and aired my dirty laundry and issues. A better approach may be to encourage her to post here if she wants some professional advice. Take care.

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    If she became a nurse because her boyfriend told her to and she's already calling out sick while on orientation at her job, she should write this place off. (They're probably about to do the same.) I'd recommend that your daughter take a time out, talk to a counselor and regroup.

    Nursing might not be for her.

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    • Author

    Thank You Jedrnurse. I am trying to make sure that my daughter will be ok when I'm gone. Have CHF with short expectancy. The heart can only take so much and mine has been shredded (figuratively and literally) over the years. I just want my daughter to stop crying.

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    Many nurses feel the way your daughter does in the first year. See the many threads here regarding the situation.

    She is absolutely correct that she needs a better preceptor. Let's hope she gets one. She needs to consult her physician to manage her symptoms.

    She is very smart if she obtained a BSN, 'she has many alternatives ahead with that degree.

    Do not interfere in her relationship. You are adding another stressor.

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    Nursing is hard. The first year is brutal. Obviously, your daughter’s current job isn’t a good fit, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for her. Something slower and less acuity would probably be better. Encourage her to porifice our what aspects of nursing/her job she likes and go from there.

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    I understand that you care for your daughter, but you're probably setting her up for a lifetime of failure by being overly-involved in solving her problems. She needs to learn to deal with these things on her own. I would be horrified if my father posted something like this about me on an internet site.

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    It is a very good idea for your daughter to be able to provide for her own needs. Whether this current position or even this profession ends up being the way she does that or not, she is going to need to be able to do it.

    If she is struggling with physical/mental health concerns, she should consult a professional about these.

    You have my sympathy regarding the overall situation, including your own health concerns and life expectancy. IMO your involvement should be spent on (and mostly limited to) encouraging your daughter's strength and independence and in general showing her that you believe in her ability to make good decisions, weather life's rough spots, and successfully find her own way.

    Take care ~

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    • Author

    Thank You JKL33.

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