Pediatric patient- home nurse situations!?

[MomLPN4]

Hello! I am a nurse for a vent dependent child whose mother and father are currently living together but have not been romantically together since the Childs birth. I have worked there for nearly half of the Childs life- he was in the hospital for almost the first 13 months! Anyways the father and I began dating a while ago and I'm wondering if anyone else has had this type of experience before? The mother does not know and will be moving out shortly. They are currently in a heated custody battle although they were never married. I don't want to hurt her but at the same time she is not good with her child and only since he told her to get out has she paid attention to the child. But on the other hand I don't want anything that has happened between us to give her a leg up in court because the best thing for the child would be with his father- with or without me. Just need advice please!!

[LTV950rn]

I agree with the other posters. In my state (MN), getting romantically involved with a client or their family member is considered a boundary violation, and yes, your license is definitely at risk. I would get out now and terminate the relationship with the father. Quite honestly, they could report you anyway, even after you leave, and your license is at risk no matter what. Not to mention, from a personal standpoint, usually a relationship started while the other is still married or otherwise committed elsewhere is destined for failure.

[Lynaa4life]

I read the comments and just HAD to post. I have a disabled child myself, vent, g'j tube, trach, the works. Two years ago I was married, lived in a brand new home, and was beginning nursing school. My son received 16 hour a day care at that time. This was a tremendous strain on us, as a family, as a couple. Well, I found out that my husband had been 'seeing' one of our nurses. In hindsite, I guess I should have seen the telltale signs but I guess with the stressors of running a household full-time and going to school blinded me to the truth. Should the nurse have removed herself from the case when she thought there was even an inkling that something inappropriate may occur? ABSOLUTELY! Oh. I'm sure he put up quite the sob story to reel her in... "It's so hard. and Things haven't been good between us for a long time." Give me a break. I think it is our nursing nature and just womanly nature in general to want to 'save' someone from what they think is a bad situation but I highly recommend that you take a good look at yourself to see if you feel what you are doing is right, ethics aside...Regardless of how my relationship between my husband and I appeared in front of our nurses, there was also the other side of the relationship that they didn't see, behind closed doors. My husband and I had problems before the nurse issue, however the humiliation that I felt once everything was brought to light was unbearable, even though I didn't feel that our marriage was working out long before that. Bottom line, we trusted these people. They become a part of your household whether you like it or not when you have a child with such fragile needs. I would entrust the life of my son in their hands every day, and to think that things like that were going on behind the scenes? Unthinkable. Once I was able to remove the nurse from my home, I pondered reporting her to the Board of Nursing for ethics violations but decided against it. Karma has a way of working its way out, however, because this nurse had her license suspended indefinitely due to other violations. If I had it to do all over again I would have ABSOLUTELY reported her to the board myself. I don't mean to judge but take it from someone who has lived it, what you are doing is not only morally wrong, it goes against everything I stand for as a nurse and I do not wish it on anyone.

[caliotter3]

I also advise you to leave the case. Besides the ethics question, and the jeopardy for your license and job, you are giving the spouse ammunition to use against the man. I am certain you don't want to cause him any more harm. And we aren't even addressing the needs of the patient. It would be a lot easier for you to render good care if you were playing by the rules, or if you removed yourself from the paid position.

[NicuGal, MSN, RN]

You need to drop this case. You crossed an ethical boundary and that can put you in a bad position and possibly even make you lose your license if they report you out of spite.

[nursel56]

I guess on what option I have other than just flat out quitting bc the child has two nurses during the day while awake me and another girl. We get along great and take exceptional care of him. We've both been there pretty much from the time he was discharged so the patient knows us just like we were family. I'm no saint and obviously far from perfect but a lot of times good home health nurses are hard to come by. I don't like feeling like my license could be in jeopardy but also love that child. So I just wanted advice/input on that I guess. Thanks

I'm sure you thought my first message was harsh -- and our thread here about Nurse Amber made it clear that a lot of nurses don't see anything wrong with it at all - a few acted as though this was a "love conquers all" story worthy of being featured as a Lifetime movie.

I wonder if you ever had the thought that "dating" a father who still lives with his partner for whatever reason was wrong? If it's over between him and the child's mother why are you engaging in a deception? If there will be a custody battle you will be dragged into it - and your statements about "good home health nurses are hard to come by" reveals just how out of wack your perceptions have become. Such dishonesty and border violating doesn't qualify as a good nurse imo. Nurses who work in someone's home should follow the highest ethical standards as we are in a very sacrosanct part of our patient's lives that requires trust.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

You have really made a mess and you need to find the safest way to wiggle out of it with your license intact. Otherwise you will hurt yourself and the people invovled that you care about.

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

All I have to say that if I were the mom and found out that my husband were committing an affair right under my nose with my child's nurse, i would be diligent in finding out what other secrets were being kept in my own house. You are correct - It does not bode well for a custody hearing. It does not give dad good credibility. It does not give you good credibility either.

[bsyrn, ASN, RN]

You crossed a line and broke a trust. I would get out while you still have a nursing license.

[Purple_Scrubs, BSN, RN]

What is going to happen when the wife finds out (eventually she will if your relationship progresses). I guarantee she is going to be out for blood and will go to your employer and possibly the BON if she is smart enough. There is no way this is going to end well for you, sorry to say.

[WI_home_RN]

just need advice please!!

wow. my best advice would be to remove yourself from the case asap and really contemplate whether your relationship with the dad is in your (and the child's) best interest. both of you know you were in the wrong from the beginning otherwise this relationship wouldn't be hidden. i can guarantee that once the mom finds out, she will go for blood and will gain custody of her child and you will lose your license. i see nothing good coming from this whole situation.

working private duty, we have to remember that someone's home is our work place, an imaginary hospital, so to speak. we have to draw the line between personal and professional and stick to that.

[systoly]

While I cannot give you advice related to what you should do I want to point out things to consider. First and foremost you entered the picture as the child's nurse and you are bound to advocate for the child. Usually it is in the child's best interest to have both parents actively involved. It is really not up to you to judge the mother's parenting skills, if anything, it's up to you to try and teach her.

Second, your relationship with the father is based on deceipt. Will you be able to trust each other in the future?

This relationship comes with heavy baggage and if to be continued will surely encounter severe trials and hard times for years to come.

[tewdles, RN]

No advice here...you are in the wrong.

Your choices and actions are unethical and unprofessional. You have put your license at risk. You have interjected yourself into a personal situation that will cause pain for everyone involved, including the child you are being paid to care for. Your pursuit of the "attraction" felt between you and a patient family member WHILE you were still actively engaged in the care of the patient demonstrates a focus on self rather than on patient and is patently egocentric and demonstrates a lack of good judgement.

Your opinion of the mother's parenting skills is irrelevant now simply because you are no longer the nurse...you are the father's lover.

If your employer discovers this secret you will lose your job and possibly your license.

I bet you are sorry that you posted this...