Pediatric patient- home nurse situations!?

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Hello! I am a nurse for a vent dependent child whose mother and father are currently living together but have not been romantically together since the Childs birth. I have worked there for nearly half of the Childs life- he was in the hospital for almost the first 13 months! Anyways the father and I began dating a while ago and I'm wondering if anyone else has had this type of experience before? The mother does not know and will be moving out shortly. They are currently in a heated custody battle although they were never married. I don't want to hurt her but at the same time she is not good with her child and only since he told her to get out has she paid attention to the child. But on the other hand I don't want anything that has happened between us to give her a leg up in court because the best thing for the child would be with his father- with or without me. Just need advice please!!

No advice here...you are in the wrong.

Your choices and actions are unethical and unprofessional. You have put your license at risk. You have interjected yourself into a personal situation that will cause pain for everyone involved, including the child you are being paid to care for. Your pursuit of the "attraction" felt between you and a patient family member WHILE you were still actively engaged in the care of the patient demonstrates a focus on self rather than on patient and is patently egocentric and demonstrates a lack of good judgement.

Your opinion of the mother's parenting skills is irrelevant now simply because you are no longer the nurse...you are the father's lover.

If your employer discovers this secret you will lose your job and possibly your license.

I bet you are sorry that you posted this...

No one could have said it better. In complete agreement.

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No I am not sorry that I posted this. I knew that nearly everyone would have nothing positive or nice to say. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone could relate bc I'm certain it's not the first nor the last time something like this will happen. Everyone is extremely judgemental until they have walked in someone elses shoes. So please do not pretend that everything you have done in your nursing career has been perfect and thanks for everyones input.

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

I am sure it happens all the time, and I can even see very easily how it happens.

The problem is though that now the situation is going to get very messy and you need to extricate yourself before it leads to you getting censured by the BON. Then when all the legal stuff is over and the dust has settled by all means pursue a relationship, but to do it in the interim is just asking to get burned.

I don't hold your actions against you. I mean yeah, you should have known better and done something long before this, but it does happen and thinking what you shoulda, coulda, woulda isn't going to help.:smokin:

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No I am not sorry that I posted this. I knew that nearly everyone would have nothing positive or nice to say. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone could relate bc I'm certain it's not the first nor the last time something like this will happen. Everyone is extremely judgemental until they have walked in someone elses shoes. So please do not pretend that everything you have done in your nursing career has been perfect and thanks for everyones input.

Well, you are right in that no one has anything positive or nice to say. You are WRONG bottom line. You need to remove yourself from the situation ASAP or else the mother may step in at some point and have the Board do that for you. I'm not sure what you're looking for on this board, because you will get no validation/justification of your actions here. This situation is truely deplorable,and the fact that you state that "you know this isin't the first or last time something like this will happen" is true in that there will always be morally/ethically bankrupt individuals within any sector,and that in no way should escuse your actions. Walk a mile in someone elses shoes? Honey, been there, done that, and I, for one, refuse to muddy my feet with it by taking a trip down memory lane. I HAVE LIVED THIS, and carry the scars to this day. I am a proud nurse and do my best to advocate for my patients, including my son, and the thought that there are other nurses out with this warped mentality offends me deeply. Just my 2 cents

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

All of us know how easily these things can happen. It is a constant effort to maintain our professionalism when we are out of the normal environment of a facility with co-workers who tend to give us enough timely feedback when we go astray from proper standards.

It is natural to begin to identify with the family and it's dramas or to act on an attraction - all of us are subject to those troubling emotions, too. You're right. None of us is perfect. It is what you do about those feelings and attractions that matters.

You didn't come here asking for help to extricate yourself or to have the mettle to leave the case when you started this relationship. I guess you want the best of all worlds and for us to give you the stamp of approval, too? Because if we don't we aren't nice?

I guess I will be a big ol' meanie again. Your behavior and lack of intuition about why it isn't right brings diminishment to all of us working in home care/private duty in the eyes of the public and honestly I resent it. You have to make hard choices sometimes when there are two things you really, really want.

A few days ago this post was added onto the thread about the nurse/dying man which had been inactive for a while. Maybe lynaa - will relate to it as well. Just some stuff to think about. Post #202 from dadda11o:

https://allnurses.com/nursing-news/nurse-fights-license-527103-page21.html#post4967823

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Specializes in Pediatric Cardiology.

When I was in orientation my supervisor brought up a situation similar to yours and stated if anything like that happened we would be fired immediately. What's funny is I went home and laughed about it to my boyfriend, saying who would do that?! :rolleyes:

Remove yourself from this case and hope you have a license at the end of all this.

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I definitely agree that this is absolutely the worst breach of professionalism and trust. Don't for a minute think that the other nurses in the home don't know what is going on. They will turn on you in a New York minute. You can count on that. You are treading on very thin ice. When it all blows up, you will be looking at the situation in a very different way and you will regret what you have done.

Kyasi

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Right now, you may say that the responses to your thread are not nice at all Honey, but you'll see- when the fire dies down between you and the father, you'll appreciate all the words of wisdom that your fellow nurses are trying to tell you. A relationship that started on deceit falls apart easily. You absolutely breach the contract between a nurse-patient relationship and this is not taking you anywhere but despair. Get out of the situation. I hope it is not too late for you. If you'll make it-years down the road and your license is still intact, you'll look back and say to your self- " Oh my, what was I thinking?"

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I want to thank everyone for their posts. I took everyones input into consideration and have removed myself from the case and the situation entirely. It's not the easiest decision ever made but probably the best!

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

That is great. Move on for better things coming soon!

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Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.
I want to thank everyone for their posts. I took everyones input into consideration and have removed myself from the case and the situation entirely. It's not the easiest decision ever made but probably the best!

I admire your strength. Letting rational thinking prevail while your emotions tell you otherwise is indeed a very hard thing to do, but I know you'll be better of for it. I wish you the very best.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

I work private duty, and something very similar happened at my agency. When the man (a client) decided he didn't want his lover (a CNA) around anymore, he called the agency and said they'd been having a sexual relationship for 6 months. The aide had to be fired, reported to the BON, and reported to Adult Protective Services.

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