Patients family in the medical field

grandpaj · May 21, 2015

I never say anything when I'm at the bedside but typically whatever family member I'm with (usually Grandma) will inevitably tell the staff.

allnurses Guide · May 21, 2015

My daughter has a congenital heart defect, and I've spent quite a bit of time on the other side of the bed in the last year. I generally don't volunteer that I'm a nurse because the facility nurses tend to assume that I know more than I do. I've worked with kids, and I've worked with vents, but I'm not a peds, ICU, or cardiac nurse.

I don't volunteer the information that I'm a nurse either. Right now my nephew is in ICU with a traumatic brain injury and I sit quietly at his bedside and just watch. The nurses there are awesome and it doesn't matter that I've worked ER or L&D or hospice . . . . I am not an ICU nurse.

I never say anything when I'm at the bedside but typically whatever family member I'm with (usually Grandma) will inevitably tell the staff.

That is exactly how I'm outed . . . by a family member.

Recently, my father-in-law was put on hospice. My hospice. I asked to be simply treated as a family member and not a nurse. One family member had a very hard time with this and wanted me to be the go-to person for the family with questions. No, call the hospice nurse who is on call. I was really shocked with the reply "How can you look at yourself in the mirror for abandoning our family?".

Being a nurse and having a family member in the hospital is hard. Obviously there are annoying nurses or nurse-wanna-be's . . . .but for the most part we are between a rock and a hard place most of the time.

allnurses Guide · May 21, 2015

Early on my last shift I family member who as it turned out I have worked with in the past came to the nurses station to inquire about her mother-in-laws wound. The patient had been admitted earlier that day by a nurse on the previous shift and there was no memntion of a wound in the documentation. So I just acted like I knew about it grabbed my wound kit and walked down to the room. The family and now a public health nurse for the state was going on about a stage 3 on the coxxyx. When I rolled the patient and got a look at a small stage 1 at best "I smiled and said gosh we're good" I cleaned it, dried it and stuck a duoderm on it.

I generally don't have any problem dealing with even the most difficult patient or their family members. Maybe it's my background in psych? In fact I am often called on to deal with other nurses behavioral problem children. I have always been able to set good boundaries in my personal and professional life. Which is why I believe I've never been bullied on the job.

Hppy

toomuchbaloney · May 21, 2015

I don't tell health care professionals that I am a nearly 40 year RN with broad experience in and out of the hospital including trauma nursing. My spouse or my children, however, make certain that all staff are well aware that we are educated health professionals who are advocating from a foundation of concern AND knowledge.

It doesn't bother me to care for health professionals.

Some of them are a$$e$ to be sure, but most are simply folks who are well informed about health care and are scared that someone they love is unwell or injured and now engaged in the system that they are well aware can kill or harm them in a nanosecond.

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · May 21, 2015

Are they really trying to show your up, or is that a bit of your own insecurity? I suspect that nurses have worked with many families who do not disclose their medical background. A really confident nurse is not the least put out by any qualifications a visitor might have.

Agree.

I'm not phased by any who have those issues, even when they blow up and throw it around...and usually I don't even want people to know I have a medical background-usually my mom volunteers the information when I go with her doctor visits, and only pointed out when I describe my symptoms.

FloridaBeagle · May 22, 2015

What I find interesting is that the ones most likely to hide their profession are physicians that are patients. Nurses will tell you most of the time (some are fine, some want to question everything), but it seems a physician will go out of his/her way to keep their identity a secret. Must have treated nurses badly in the past???? Kidding. I have found that having a physician as a pt is much easier than another nurse.

You must not live in FL. I've had 3 Dr's as patients. 1 was fine, the other 2 were awful. We almost threw one dr in a posey.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · May 22, 2015

No insecurities. Like I said sometimes it's a blessing and sometimes it's annoying.

Even the annoying ones should be viewed as a blessing. Why? Because they give the perceptive nurse insight into the patient's world.

Why do we care, when we just care for the patient in the hospital/other facility? Because although you'd have a hard time seeing it if all you see is student nursing plans of care here, there are many, many other aspects of the patient's life outside of your direct vision and that for which you must assess and plan to fulfill the RN's responsibility for holistic care (not just our legal responsibility to implement parts of the medical plan of care).

Think about such things more carefully. Students almost always focus on the first 5 tabs in their NANDA-I 2015-2017s-- Health promotion (patient teaching most commonly), Nutrition (mostly for DM), Elimination and exchange (bowel and bladder mostly), and Activity and rest (mobility, right?). That's appropriate for first year. Oh, and skip ahead to Comfort-- students usually address that by "pain," but comfort is so much more than that.

However, look at those next ones: self-perception, sex, coping, life principles, and (maybe) growth and development. How do you think these "annoying" visitors interact with your patient in ways that affect those issues? How might those interactions affect how the patient manages health-related topics once out of our direct care? Think some of that could make a difference?

Open your eyes to see the bigger picture and you can address the patient's less glaringly-obvious (i.e., first-semester) needs better. Push yourself. Grow. Become a better practitioner. Don't dismiss "annoying" out of hand, merely because it's a contrast to what you see as "a blessing." It's all data. Don't blink or you'll miss it.

Glycerine82, LPN · May 23, 2015

I just am always sure to let them know that I'm there and willing to help when needed. I took my sister to the bathroom several times and unhooked her IV/fetal monitors for her over worked nurse while she was in labor.

I've really never minded if my patients family were nurses, for me that just meant I could have them lend a hand if I needed it, which I often did.

noyesno, MSN, APRN, NP · May 23, 2015

Had a patient family member who was a former Quality Department nurse.

Never left the bedside and made my life a living h*ll.

SmilingBluEyes · May 23, 2015

Gosh I am the opposite. When a patient myself, or have a loved one who is I tend to keep mum about being a nurse. I want the medical personnel caring for me or my loved one not to worry what I do or do not know. I would rather just be the family member or patient.

caliotter3 · May 23, 2015

When they come across with a good attitude and want to collaborate, I welcome it. When they come across with a negative attitude or want to make you look stupid, I tell myself, "Oh, no" and put on the extra heavy-duty armor.

dudette10, MSN, RN · May 23, 2015

This is on topic/off topic. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my experiences as a family member or patient, especially since we've had a lot of non-nurses lately posting here about their experiences. My post may be misplaced, but I have to share. This thread seems to be as good a one as any. The reflection has made me more aware of my demeanor and facial expressions when caring for patients, even a little bit more understanding of how patients react to negativity in their nurses. I'm still trying to figure out what all these vignettes actually mean to me as a nurse, so I draw no conclusions. Still mulling over it all...

Before I became a nurse, I stayed at my family's bedside when they were admitted for a terrible accident. I never asked of anything of the nurses (water for myself, pillow for myself, etc.). I never "evaluated" the nurses at all because I had no idea what made a good nurse and a bad one. A close family friend was a nurse, and she pointed out one particular nurse as a very, very good one. Reflecting back, I now know what made her a good one: being proactive. At the least sign of agitation in my loved one, she was intervening. I remember going to her in the middle of the night to tell her that my child was moaning and the usual mommy stuff wasn't helping. She came in to assess my child and gave him some Tylenol. He quieted down.

My child had been potty-trained one year prior to the accident. He had a brain injury, so I was afraid of helping him up to the commode. When your child is in the hospital, what a parent would do normally becomes frightening to perform. His legs had significant weakness. I called in the nurse to assist. He was very kind, and when my child mistook the nurse's positioning for an affectionate gesture, my son leaned forward, gave the nurse a kiss on his cheek, and hugged him. The nurse got tears in his eyes. So did I.

My husband, who had a chest tube placed for pneumothorax and also was on a PCA for multiple broken ribs, needed to have a bowel movement. While pushing, something popped from the chest tube, so my husband pulled the cord. The nurse came in, and what he remembers is that she was irritated by what had happened and spoke to him in a short manner.

At one point, both my sons were in the PICU. My younger, less injured son was crying in his crib, holding the bars with his two tiny hands and pushing his face between them, pleading with me in tears and 1-year old words. The PICU nurse came over quietly and said, "Do you want to hold him?" I said yes, but told her I was afraid of the lines. She told me not to worry, to sit in the chair, and she would place him in my arms.

As I was holding him, a resident came in to evaluate my other son who was in a coma and on a vent in the two-patient pod. At the time, I had not discerned the difference between the white coats and the gray coats that residents and attendings wore. He reviewed the chart, then looked at the PICU nurse at my older son's bedside and said, "He should be off the vent by now." I was frightened by his words, and I spoke up with tears in my eyes and said, "Why do you say that?! What's wrong with him?" The resident turned to me and looked very pale. Apparently, he had no idea that I was that child's mother too. He spoke with me, but I was too anxious for anything to sink in. Yes, I would have to updated again...anxiety messes with comprehension.

After the resident left, the attending intensivist and the neurosurgeon came in to speak with me. They started out with, "The resident doctor had no business saying that in front of you. We want to apologize and assure you that he has been dealt with." I was puzzled. I never intended to get anyone in trouble; I just wanted an answer to my question and be filled in on my son's progress. I have a feeling the PICU nurse said something to the attendings, but I don't have proof of that.

After I gave birth to my first child, I apparently missed the "What's to Expect" part of the baby's first bowel movement. This tarry, sticky stool frightened me! I hit the call light, and I told the nurse what I saw through the intercom. She was very terse and had an annoyed voice when she said, "That's normal," and she hung up on me. For my second baby, he was large enough to need frequent glucose sticks that no one explained to me. I just know a phleb would come in, stick him in the heel, and would leave me with a crying baby. No education whatsoever. At the time, I thought being told nothing was normal. In fact, I don't remember any education post-partum for either baby.

My labor and delivery nurses, however, were responsive. I had back labor with my first kid, and the nurse frequently checked on my pain, which I was stubbornly refusing interventions for. When I finally said yes to an epidural, she seemed very happy that I wasn't going to be in pain anymore. I appreciated her concern for me.

I was induced with my second baby, and I was a little frightened by it. The nurse who came in was very efficient, setting up the room and all. I went to the bathroom and started crying. My husband came in to ask me what was wrong. I said, "She's moving so fast, and she's not telling me anything. I'm scared and no one is talking to me!" After that, the nurse talked me through what she was doing without a hint of irritation in her voice. I appreciated that.

When I was a patient after I became a nurse, I just wanted to be left alone. Take care of my pain and leave me be. That simple. I did have pain management preferences, though. Morphine IV truly does nothing for my pain and left me nauseated, so the surgical floor nurse offered Zofran with it. I agreed reluctantly. After about an hour, I was still in pain. Norco PO always does the trick for me post-surgically, and I did not hesitate to voice my preferences. During a subsequent painful outpatient procedure, I remember the PACU nurse offering Fentanyl IV. I told her that Norco PO is my preference, and she gave it to me. I didn't have my contacts in (and I'm blind as a bat without them), so I have no idea if she was annoyed by that.

After my big surgery, I had two JP drains. I remember a very experienced CNA coming in to strip my drains. She knew I was a nurse, but I did not hesitate to ask her to teach me how to strip them. She never gave me the impression that she was taken aback or disappointed about my lack of knowledge on stripping JPs. She just talked through her stripping one of them, and then watched me as I stripped the other. At the time, I was exclusively employed on tele at another hospital, then I switched to the hospital where I get my care. I now work with her frequently on the surgical floor when I'm sent there, and she is one of the most patient and kind CNAs I have ever met.

When my MIL with Alzheimer's was admitted to the hospital for a rectal bleed (ended up being rectal cancer that was surgically removed), I was at bedside the entire time. It was an exhausting night, and I fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning in a chair at bedside. I awoke to find my MIL had gotten out of bed, pulled her IV, pulled her Foley out (with balloon intact), and was standing in a pool of blood. I immediately called the nurse in who was visibly upset and shooting me dirty looks. ***** I never once told anyone that I would be taking care of her all by myself. I was there to help as much as I could, but I'm also an exhausted family member who may fall asleep, not a paid sitter!