Patient's family that lies and blames everything on staff....

[TigerGalLE, BSN, RN]

I've been taking care of a patient on our floor for quiet awhile. They have been in the hospital for over 2 months and are still very sick. Making only slow progress. This patient's spouse is crazy. They are demanding, rude, and quick to assume/blame. Everyone has tried extremely hard to keep them happy. For example, the patient has c-diff with crazy diarrhea. Their bottom is red from the diarrhea. The pt is getting butt cream but with all the diarrhea their butt got red. The spouse is fixated on this. Saying this is a perfect example of how we have been neglecting the patient ever since they got here. We've tried to keep the pt clean and dry and turned. The patient can turn themself and get out of bed with minimal assistance. However they choose to just lay their and whine. You can't expect someone to get better that continues to refuse PT/OT every day and all they wanna do is take dilaudid ever 4 hours around the clock. Yesterday the spouse blew up. She had an absolute breakdown. Screaming at staff.

Background:

I just received a direct admission from a doctor's office that had an O2 sat of 58. Patient was on room air and her son (a doctor) brought her in. She was dehydrated as all heck and we were trying to get her O2 up and get a line in her. There were 2 nurses, a resp therapist, a phlebotomist and a her family in her room trying to get her straightened out. I kept running in and out of the room to get things. The crazy spouse of the patient next door kept glaring at me. Everytime I'd run out they'd say I need to speak with you. And I would say, "okay I'm in the middle of something but I'd be happy to talk to you as soon as I can." They stood against the wall and glared into the other patients room the whole time. I'd run out to get something, "Excuse me, how much longer are you going to be, this is ridiculus." I would respond nicely each time but they were really ******* me off.

I finally got my patient stable and went to speak with them. They yelled and screamed at me and told me I was neglecting the patient. That the patient hadn't been turned this hour and that they were passing blood in their urine and no one had done anything. Urology had been consulted and just hadn't been up to see the patient yet. I explained this but that just made the angrier. Wanting to know what the hold up was blah blah blah. Then they tried to tell me that the patient had been passing blood in the urine for 3 days and they were sick of me ignoring it. When actually we have documented and I had seen the patient's urine for the past three days and it was yellow. Didn't start passing clots until early that morning. The spouse tried to say they showed me blood three days ago and I didn't do anything. I told them it wasn't me that they showed blood to. (because it wasn't.) She called me a liar and demanded to speak to my director.

I just don't understand people. My director offered to move them to a different floor. The spouse said they wanted a different hospital because we were a sorry excuse for healthcare. I think its interesting how my other 4 patient's family's rave about our care and one actually cried on my shoulder thanking me for what I had done for his mother that day. AND I had the BEST nursing assistant that day that you could ask for. It infuriates me when people say I'm neglecting someone when I've worked MY butt off to care for them. :banghead::banghead:

Thanks for letting me vent...

[Sparrowhawk]

((((hugs)))) People are crazy. That's just that.

[Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN]

One of the very few thing I don't miss since retirement. The crazy family!

[MedSurgeMess]

You have that nonsense anywhere you work. What's worse is in this day of "customer service" the patients and their families that act in this manner carry it to extremes. Usually, it's the families of the most ill who always have the attitude of "hate to bother you" or "sorry to be such a bother" and barely ask for anything. When we go back to caring for the patient being the top priority, if ever, then maybe these incidences will go down in numbers (doubt it!)

[leslie :-D]

i'm glad you have the support of your director.

that means a lot.

all you can do is quietly excuse yourself when one/all are yelling.

tell them you'll be happy to talk with them when they calm down.

and leave.

clearly they're out of control, and are having trouble coping.

continue to keep thorough notes and keep your dir/nm updated.

and finally, you just cannot take this personally.

take pride in your nsg role and refuse to be dragged down.

give the family a compassionate hug and a 10mg valium for me.

leslie

[RuRnurse?]

Yes, this "the customer is always right" bs is the problem. First of all, the customer is NOT always right, second, that patient is NOT the only one you have to care for. I know that to a particular family, their loved one IS the only patient that counts, but most are reasonable enough to realize that this isn't how it is for you.

With a family like this, it is up to admin to clear this up. They need to be taken aside and told that their family member is getting the proper care, and that if they have an issue, there are ways to address their concerns.

And, to be blunt, some people need to be told that they can and should go elsewhere if they are so desperately unhappy with how things are being done, instead of being "coddled" in the interest of "good customer service".

[StNeotser, ASN, RN]

Vent away, it's very frustrating to have a family like this.

Let's hope they get their wish and transfer someplace else, where they'll find the exact same "problems with care" I also think this is the sort of family that even when the facility bends over backwards and bends the rules for, they still want more.

[sophiadawn7]

I find dealing with the patient family is always worse than giving care to the patient you did everything right

i'm glad your director saw that

[faline1973]

You are quite fortunate to have a supportive director.

Families like this one are the reason I have suggested Vanilla-scented Ativan Air Freshener :) One sweep across the room and they go from Grrrrrrrr to AAaaahhh.

For some crazy reason, it still hasn't been manufactured. Some crazy babble about ativan needing a prescription :)

Families like this one are often stressed and want to do SOMETHING for their loved one. They think they are somehow helping by being rude and demanding. What truly happens is the opposite. We end up trying to avoid those rooms because of their obnoxiousness. Hang in there.

[pennyaline]

I just don't understand people. My director offered to move them to a different floor. The spouse said they wanted a different hospital because we were a sorry excuse for healthcare. I think its interesting how my other 4 patient's family's rave about our care and one actually cried on my shoulder thanking me for what I had done for his mother that day. AND I had the BEST nursing assistant that day that you could ask for. It infuriates me when people say I'm neglecting someone when I've worked MY butt off to care for them. :banghead::banghead:

Thanks for letting me vent...

Bravo for your director, who recognized the problem for what it was. I hope your hospital had the guts to let the family take the patient to another hospital.

[phurlamu]

oh boy, i can relate to how you feel. I had times when i had no time to even have a glass of water and yet be yelled by the family members. The thing i ask is , things like turning the pt. , giving them a glass of water can also be done by the family members. But instead they choose to wait for us to do everything even when we have serious pt's to care for.I have seen family members who care for their loved ones so much that they even give a bath to the pt. everyday themselves and again there are some who vent their frustrations on us who are already frustrated.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know, you are not alone. Hopefully, her daughter or son becomes a nurse one day and then she realises how stressful our work environment is.

[ohmeowzer RN, RN]

for some reason people have a sense of entitlement that we are there to be abused if we don't jump when they want us ... i'm glad your director was supportive. i gte sick of thesee people , they are just pains in the butts....