Patient's family that lies and blames everything on staff....

[TigerGalLE]

I've been taking care of a patient on our floor for quiet awhile. They have been in the hospital for over 2 months and are still very sick. Making only slow progress. This patient's spouse is crazy. They are demanding, rude, and quick to assume/blame. Everyone has tried extremely hard to keep them happy. For example, the patient has c-diff with crazy diarrhea. Their bottom is red from the diarrhea. The pt is getting butt cream but with all the diarrhea their butt got red. The spouse is fixated on this. Saying this is a perfect example of how we have been neglecting the patient ever since they got here. We've tried to keep the pt clean and dry and turned. The patient can turn themself and get out of bed with minimal assistance. However they choose to just lay their and whine. You can't expect someone to get better that continues to refuse PT/OT every day and all they wanna do is take dilaudid ever 4 hours around the clock. Yesterday the spouse blew up. She had an absolute breakdown. Screaming at staff.

Background:

I just received a direct admission from a doctor's office that had an O2 sat of 58. Patient was on room air and her son (a doctor) brought her in. She was dehydrated as all heck and we were trying to get her O2 up and get a line in her. There were 2 nurses, a resp therapist, a phlebotomist and a her family in her room trying to get her straightened out. I kept running in and out of the room to get things. The crazy spouse of the patient next door kept glaring at me. Everytime I'd run out they'd say I need to speak with you. And I would say, "okay I'm in the middle of something but I'd be happy to talk to you as soon as I can." They stood against the wall and glared into the other patients room the whole time. I'd run out to get something, "Excuse me, how much longer are you going to be, this is ridiculus." I would respond nicely each time but they were really ******* me off.

I finally got my patient stable and went to speak with them. They yelled and screamed at me and told me I was neglecting the patient. That the patient hadn't been turned this hour and that they were passing blood in their urine and no one had done anything. Urology had been consulted and just hadn't been up to see the patient yet. I explained this but that just made the angrier. Wanting to know what the hold up was blah blah blah. Then they tried to tell me that the patient had been passing blood in the urine for 3 days and they were sick of me ignoring it. When actually we have documented and I had seen the patient's urine for the past three days and it was yellow. Didn't start passing clots until early that morning. The spouse tried to say they showed me blood three days ago and I didn't do anything. I told them it wasn't me that they showed blood to. (because it wasn't.) She called me a liar and demanded to speak to my director.

I just don't understand people. My director offered to move them to a different floor. The spouse said they wanted a different hospital because we were a sorry excuse for healthcare. I think its interesting how my other 4 patient's family's rave about our care and one actually cried on my shoulder thanking me for what I had done for his mother that day. AND I had the BEST nursing assistant that day that you could ask for. It infuriates me when people say I'm neglecting someone when I've worked MY butt off to care for them. :banghead::banghead:

Thanks for letting me vent...

[yetanotheramanda]

Yea the hospital let them bring the family dog in everyday even though I work on a Respiratory floor and this has been forbidden in the past due to other patient's allergies and asthma issues. But they wanted it and they got it. (I'm all for pet therapy don't get me wrong, but not on a respiratory floor).

Ok, that is beyond ridiculous! I, too, am all for therapy dogs but the family dog is NOT a therapy dog. Those dogs are trained, screened, whatever. The family dog could be rabid, a biter, pee/poop all over the floor...you get the picture. I would have been praying for that dog to bite me so I could sue the pants off those jerks. I can't believe your hospital allowed it for that very reason. What's next, are they going to let Billy Bob's snarling, drooling Rotweiller in to visit him?

And, as you said, on a repiratory floor????? sheesh.

What families like this don't understand is that if they are nicer and more appreciative they will probably get better care in the long run. When you get yelled at everytime you go in the patient's room NO ONE wants to go in there. No one wants to be verbally abused when they are trying to care for the patient.

That is soooo true. Of course, I will always give all of my patients the best care possible. BUT....the patient's/families who are kind and respectful...or gosh, just treat me as a human being(!) will always get A+ care and I will bend over backwards to make them comfortable.

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

I'll never forget a family that I had while I was a travel nurse. I got the racism card pulled on me as well, for not letting her eat before having a feeding tube placed. Yes, the surgery was delayed, yes, I KNEW she was hungry, but I also knew that if she ate, not only would she vomit (the reason the tube was being placed) but the surgery would have to be rescheduled. I had family holding up the nurse's station, and when they did not get their way, they called OTHER family to CALL me and demand food for the patient. The patient, oddly, was the only one NOT complaining.

Same thing after the surgery, patient coms back in, I am in the middle of sorting out tubes and wires and I have umpteen family breathing down my neck.."When can she have something for pain?". I was nice the first five times, and said that I would have to look at the surgery records to be sure, but thta I was told that she had been given something just before they wheeled her out of the PACU. After the 5th inquiry, I turned around and said, "As I have told you, I have to look to be sure. As soon as I finish getting her settled, I will go and find out. The papers are at my desk." One family member stormed out, muttering something about how all nurses should have to be "friendlier" and "people persons". She was back in a minute, irate that no one would tell her anything, and that they had told her to ask the patient's nurse! She then proceeded to claim that, were her sister white, I'd have had a needle in my scrub pocket. The patient, BTW, was sound asleep, and denied pain when asked. That just enraged the family even more, as in how dare I question what THEY said!

After the charge nurse refused to help me, I refused to go back to that hospital unless the drama changed. It was handled, but I never did very many more shifts there. It just wasn't worth it.

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

i'm sorry you had to deal with people like this... but i am so glad your director did not pat them on the head for abusing you and recognized that they were the problem.

i had a family member like this recently, who had an entire extended family outside a patient's room (probably 20 people), just waiting to pounce on someone. i had not even gotten report yet, still had my car keys in my hand and my sunglasses on my head, and she grabs me and says "will you be caring for the pt in room 42 tonight?" and i said "yes maim"..... well she gets two centimeters from my face screaming and yelling how her husband smells and no one has given him a bath today and she doesnt give a ---- what i'm going to do right now but i better put my bag down and bathe him right this second or else. well the CNA and i put out things down, right there in the hallway, while she follow us in the room and watched us bathe the patient making comments like "you're rubbing him too hard" or "you missed a spot".

well, i'm sorry, i was a bit cranky and i turned around and said "ma'im, i'm sorry you think we are not taking proper care for your husband. if it were my family, and i thought that the staff was not doing a satisfactory job on keeping him clean, i'd grab a wash cloth and do it myself."

of course i got a lecture on patient satisfaction that day... but it really upset me the way these family members act. what would you do if your husband was at home? not bathe him? or feed him? or reposition him? the man is 40 years her senior, emaciated, is a bilateral AKA and septic from infected AV grafts. makes you wonder.

i know if it was my JB, my mother or father, my brothers or sister, my grandparents, or even just a friend, i'd be helping to care for them myself and preparing our family to do the same so we can prepare for their arrival at home. instead, these family members stood in the hallway raiding the isolation carts and taking photos on their camera phone of themselves in blue gowns with rubber glove balloons (not children, adults).

sheesh.

these people KNOW that patient satisfaction is the only thing that matters and administrators have ENABLED them to act this way---they know if they don't get what they want exactly when they want, they can report us, and we'll be in the dog house.

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

i know if it was my JB, my mother or father, my brothers or sister, my grandparents, or even just a friend, i'd be helping to care for them myself and preparing our family to do the same so we can prepare for their arrival at home. instead, these family members stood in the hallway raiding the isolation carts and taking photos on their camera phone of themselves in blue gowns with rubber glove balloons (not children, adults).

sheesh.

Sadly, I have no problem picturing that in my head. You poor thing. With my mouth, I'd have been fired at that point.

[Batman24]

Hopefully they move out of your hospital so all of you get a break, but they will do the same exact thing at the next hospital as well. This is what people like that do. They won't change.

Documentation is key here. Document, document, document. Bravo to your superiors for backing you. That's makes all the difference in the world.

[pandora44]

You can please all of the patients some of the time, and some of the patients all of the time, but you can never please the family.

[zofran]

TigergalLe,

I really feel for you. Know that you are not alone in dealing with these crazy family members. Although I have been an RN for only 4 years, it seems like this type of behavior is getting worse. They seem to think their family member is the only one in the WHOLE hospital and they should get whatever they want NOW!!!!! This customer service crap is really undermining the RNs ability and authority. All I can say is keep your chin up and DOCUMENT well............hugs.....zofran.

[tishirajan]

Some people Jesus himself couldn't please....that being said, you did all you could and then some. Bless you and lots of hugs!:icon_hug:

[wooh, BSN, RN]

As long as customer satisfaction is seen as more important than patient care, this will continue. BURN IN HELL PRESS GAINEY!!!!!!!!!!

[squeakykitty]

It's families like this that ruin nurses careers. They make up BS and bring it to "your boss"! Before you know it, nurses are getting canned because the boss does not have the balls to stick up for the nurses in fear of getting sued. I almost feel like it us inevitable. Someday i will get a family that will ruin my hard earned career.

One thing I'm bound determined about. If I get into trouble, it will be because of something I either did or did not do.

IT WILL NOT be because of someone lying about what I did or did not do.