Old Ladies Having Babies

allnurses Guide · Nov 15, 2004

I have edited my last response to remove any opinion or conjecture.
It is often an orphan's lot in life to have their experience compared to that of others. It is a very unique challenge. Most of us have heard a million times "oh, I know how you feel. My parents were divorced!". Or something similar. It simply isn't the same.
Because we were kicking the tires on the aging mom issue, I thought I brought something vital and different to the discussion. I guess I am just the worst case scenario that most people hope won't happen to them. I hope it doesn't as well.

I do appreciate your perspective. I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like you loved your parents very much.

May I be completely honest here about my own life? Sometimes I think it would have been easier for me if my mom had died instead of becoming the truly awful and hurtful and hate-filled person she has become. Abandonment can happen even when our parents still inhabit the earth.

I think people should think about the concerns you have raised when they decided they are going to "mess with mother nature" artificially and you bring valid points to the discussion.

But "mother nature" is a fickle thing . . . you can think you are going through menopause and find yourself pregnant at 43.

steph

Paleobug · Nov 15, 2004

I never wanted kids period. It just was never my thing and now I'm getting past the baby bearing years. I wonder how this woman is going to handle these kids when they're teenagers and she is in her seventies.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Nov 15, 2004

May I be completely honest here about my own life? Sometimes I think it would have been easier for me if my mom had died instead of becoming the truly awful and hurtful and hate-filled person she has become. Abandonment can happen even when our parents still inhabit the earth.
steph

You said it, Steph.........My mother was also very critical and hurtful, and I'm sorry to say that if she were still here, I might never have learned how to like myself or had the guts to go to college when I did. I know she loved me as much as she was capable of loving anyone, but she was very self-involved and had no real concept of the fact that everything wasn't about her. I was always last on her priority list, behind my father and her many 'friends' (almost all of whom faded away after he passed on). I was also NEVER thin enough, ladylike enough, pretty enough, or good enough.....it took me until about 10 years ago to develop any self-esteem whatsoever.

But that's all water under the bridge now, thank God. It's ironic that I succeeded in life far beyond her dreams for me---I've got the big house in an upper-class neighborhood, we have TVs in every room, two cars, nice jewelry, good furniture. Yet while all that is a part of my life, it's not what I'm about or why I'm here, and she would never have understood that. She was a very superficial person to whom the appearance of wealth was everything; for me, on the other hand, it took half a lifetime of poverty to learn to distinguish between what money can and cannot do for us. And one of the things it can't do is buy happiness or contentment.

But, I'm rambling now. Carry on!

allnurses Guide · Nov 15, 2004

I never wanted kids period. It just was never my thing and now I'm getting past the baby bearing years. I wonder how this woman is going to handle these kids when they're teenagers and she is in her seventies.

Probably she will do fine. As I said, my inlaws are 81 and 76 and chase a toddler around.

steph

KRVRN, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2004

Just a little side story... At work we had a single father who had triplets via a (20-something year old) surrogate. Ok, single father, that's a little weird. But what was so much weirder was that this man was 75 years old! He had other children and the next youngest was almost 50! Now I know many people are living into their golden years these days but 75 is really getting up there. He never really told us his reasons but we all thought it was strange.

redshiloh · Nov 15, 2004

I'm curious how the L&D and OB nurses feel. Do ya'll see a lot of after 40 women having kids? Do you see more complications in this population? I'm 40 and had been taught that having kids at my age would be high risk and that there is a higher incidence of down's syndrome in the babies born to women over 40.

I'd love to have another child, but that is kinda up to God at this point.

rnmi2004 · Nov 15, 2004

What was that old butter commercial? "It's not nice to fool with mother nature."
I think there's a big difference between becoming pregnant naturally at an older age and using IVF after you're too old to conceive.
I think nature has it right.

ITA. It seems that a woman who is healthy enough to conceive naturally, it seems that her body is also healthy enough to handle all the other challenges that go along with parenting. I realize that there are exceptions to the rule, but in general, if a body refuses to conceive on its own...well, maybe it's trying to tell you something.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Nov 15, 2004

I Having babies at 50+ just begs the question, "Just because it CAN be done......SHOULD it?" :uhoh21:

My thoughts exactly.

URO-RN · Nov 15, 2004

I'd rather see a 60 y.o. with a baby than a 14 y.o anyday.

VizslaMom · Nov 16, 2004

What was that old butter commercial? "It's not nice to fool with mother nature."
I think there's a big difference between becoming pregnant naturally at an older age and using IVF after you're too old to conceive.
I think nature has it right.

I know you probly didn't mean to offend...but, offense has been taken to this statement.

I'm personally going through infertility struggles. After trying for a little over a year and five months last April (as we were getting ready to move into our newly built four-bedroom home), I found out my eggs may not be any good. I'm only 31.

My husband and I are more than willing to "fool with mother nature". I don't care if it's nice or not...she certainly hasn't been nice to me.

Now, we are going on two years. When I was first told about my diagnosis, I was told my ONLY option was IVF with Donor Eggs. Well, we've already proven my RE wrong twice with artificial insemination. I'm responding better to injectable stimulation drugs than she thought my body would AND I got pregnant in September. Unfortuanatly, we found out it was ectopic and I'm presently recovering from that (no surgery, thank goodness).

If we find that we are unable to conceive successfully any other way, we WILL be using donor eggs and IVF. I don't care if Mother Nature likes it or not...or anyone else for that matter.

It's not just the "Old Ladies" that benefit from this advancement in reproductive science. Many of us younger gals do too.

So many people take pregnancy and children for granted.

Someday, we will fill up some of those 'extra' bedrooms in our house....one way or the other.

VizslaMom · Nov 16, 2004

ITA. It seems that a woman who is healthy enough to conceive naturally, it seems that her body is also healthy enough to handle all the other challenges that go along with parenting. I realize that there are exceptions to the rule, but in general, if a body refuses to conceive on its own...well, maybe it's trying to tell you something.

Again, a very thoughtless and insensitive statement IMO.

My husband and I are very equipped, both financially and emotionally, to handle all the challenges of parenting. We even have two sets of grandparents, and two uncles within 15-20 minutes of us that will shower our future children with love and attention.

My body is telling me nothing more than that I just got dealt a crummy set of cards in the reproductive area.

Stitchie · Nov 16, 2004

My DH and I struggled for years w/infertility and m/c, even using donor eggs. I had a twin pregnancy (donor eggs) lost at 11 weeks, a D&C with that m/c and nearly died on the table because of blood loss.

After that we decided it wasn't worth the risk to have a bio-child or get pregnant using IVF; we are now adopting from Poland (going back on Saturday to see our girls).

I have a HUGE problem with the "it's God's will" statement. Why would God punish my husband, a good and caring man, with multiple losses of his own children? It seems like a harsh and thoughtless remark to make to someone who cannot sustain a pregnancy that 'it's God's will'. Sorry, that is not how I feel.

Even at my ancient 39 years of age, I'd love to get pregnant and have a bio-child, in order to see my mother's contribution in my child's face and my DH's beautiful smile on my baby. I would do IVF again despite the risks if I knew it would work.

Adoption, for us, is an option we've come to accept, and we will love our twin girls with all our heart, and we have a great support network. But age doesn't dictate what makes a great parent; that's up to you and you alone. If having your children in your 40/50's is right for you, and you want this, then no one has the right to say otherwise.

Where's the outrage about 13 and 14 year olds becoming mothers, and abandoning their babies in the trash because they are afraid to take them home? Or babies born to drug-addicted teenagers who have zero interest in them. These babies are better off than the child of a 43 year old who desperately wants her children and has finished her law degree/md degree/FNP degree, who will provide for them and love them for who they are, not for the 'status' it brings to be a single teenage mom.

Sorry, you're barking up the wrong tree here with beating up on older moms.