Old Ladies Having Babies

kesneysmom · Nov 15, 2004

I can't even imagine being pregnant at my age, let alone if I had another decade on me!! And why ever would anyone even want to be?? I'm ready for grandchildren.....my poor old body would NOT do well if it had to nurture a new life at this point, and I would hate to put it through the postpartum depression and 2 AM feedings routine again! Plus, it would hardly be fair to give birth to a child who's going to be graduating from college at the approximate time that my sorry butt gets carried over the nursing-home threshhold.
Not for me, thank you very much. Having babies at 50+ just begs the question, "Just because it CAN be done......SHOULD it?" :uhoh21:

I am a believier that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that God does not give you things that you cannot handle. I dont think things like this just happen. Also I have seen some good young mothers and some good older mothers. Just like the only child question, " You need to have another baby so she will have someone to play with". Excuse me last time I checked that is my decision and ultimately Gods, I personally do not want another child, I am 26 and happy with my life, but I also feel if God wants me to have another child then no matter what I do to try to prevent it I will have another child. Just my belief.

payday · Nov 15, 2004

Moms having babies in their fifties is testimony to how strong that desire to bear children is. For those of us who have been unable to conceive, the pain is still inside, never really gone. When I see a young pregnant mom sit next to me in church, I still get weepy at my age of fifty two.

Yeah, I would be happy to get pregnant but I don't wish it anymore. I don't really think I would want to go through the sleepless nights. We have been blessed with an adoption, our ten year keeps me young and is the best thing about my life.

I wonder for those people who say "we wanted four children" and they have them how very fortunate they were -to be able to do that. That makes me weepy too.

And there are no guarantees in life. I know quite a few kids who lost their parents at a young age-parents who had children in their twenties. I know of one young dad that died from complications of routine surgery. Be happy for the older moms.

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 15, 2004

I am saddened when I see judgement passed on this lady. I can see, why on the surface, this may be seen as selfish or wrong. But I have a differing perspective.

I have experienced quite a few pregnancy losses, most of you know--- and I consider myself fortunate to have the two I have. As I get older, I would still love to have one more baby, but it may not be in the cards. 4 lost in 2 years does not look promising----and yet, I still yearn. Does that make me selfish? Maybe.....

But remember, we all do not know each situation intimately. This " old lady" may have a huge network of support in family and friends to help raising the kids and see to their needs. What makes a family? Just a young mom and dad and 2 kids? Yes, this situation is rather unorthodox and different, but not necessarily an unhealthy situation for her kids! I guess that is what it comes down to. This lady may not have the "ideal" situation set up---being older, and I believe, single, but maybe she has plans/a contingency set up---- should she be disabled or unable to raise her kids as times goes by. Usually the older we are, the more mature and realistic we become. I am sure she has at least given SOME thought to what could happen.

Now, how many younger parents even BOTHER with a will or medical/other powers of attorney to cover death or disability? How many of us know with certainty what would happen to our kids if we became disabled or died? You don't need to have parents in their 60s or 70s to experience these misfortunes, esp, if your parents are in what are more "dangerous" career fields, such as military or even nursing.

So should we, based on that logic, just say it's wrong for military families to have kids? After all, a parent, or both, may come home disabled or die at war. I mean, come on. Where do we draw the line?

What is right for me, may not be for you. Someone said "live and let live" . I think we all could use a little more of that and a wee bit less judgementalism. Some may judge me harshly for my desire to raise one more child "at my age", but that does not in and of itself make me wrong, does it? At least any baby I bring home would be loved, cared-for, nurtured by his/her family and never go without the needs and discipline he or she would require to thrive! That is something, I think.

Quickbeam, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2004

I have a very different take on this topic but I believe it is important to add. I was the child of older parents. I was an orphan by age 17 as both died of cancer. I loved them both but am forever formed by having lost them both so young. Try arranging funerals as a teenager. Putting yourself through college with no parents. Buying your first home and getting married with no parents. It blows. I've survived and I'm very strong but I would never advise someone to have children older. It seems very selfish to me.

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 15, 2004

I will not belittle your situation, quickbeam. It must have been so hard to be in your shoes, and you sound like an amazing person to me. :)

But remember, It (death or disability) can happen to much younger parents, too, do not forget. And if a person parents at an older age, he/she should set up a good support system for their kids.....matter of fact we ALL should. If I and my dh died-tomorrow, our kids would be WELL looked-after by any number of good and loving family members on his side---would it be ideal? No! But it would be better off than many others of us had it.

My parents were young... (18) when they had me. However, young they were, I FELT orphaned at 18 when they kicked me out and disowned me. Talk about struggling and being alone. I joined the military, I guess to belong "somewhere"--- and found myself 1200 miles from everyone and everything I knew, in one room with 25 other women from all over the country and even some distant parts of the world. I spent my 19th Christmas alone in the barracks at my first duty station, not knowing anyone well enough to have Christmas dinner with, other than in the chowhall. Point is, I made my way somehow, as you did yours. We struggled, but triumphed. Is my situation as bad as yours? I wont' compare, but let's just say we made it and are stronger for it.

I guess we all have our situations that gave us grief. I would much rather see a baby born to an older mom who WANTS her, than one born to an 18 year old who sees her as nothing but an impediment to her "real life" , like mine did. A mom who has since decided "she put in her time" and virtually ignores her 3 kids and grandchildren today, even though she is STILL young! (less than 60)

Have a good day everyone.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Nov 15, 2004

That's pretty much where I was coming from.......I had older parents and lost them both by the time I was 30. Then I had my last 2 kids in my 30s, and even though I was a better mother to them than to my first two, it was definitely harder on me physically.

The other thing is, I cannot imagine putting MY almost forty-six-year-old body through pregnancy and everything that follows it........my bladder's pretty much shot from 5 pregnancies as it is, my pelvic area aches continually from the pressure of a prolapsed and enlarged uterus, and I'm too darned tired from my nocturnal perimenopausal symptoms to be dealing with an infant all night and then going to work all day. That's just me, though........if some other older woman can handle it physically and mentally, then more power to her.

Quickbeam, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2004

I will not belittle your situation, quickbeam. It must have been so hard to be in your shoes, and you sound like an amazing person to me.
But remember, It (death or disability) can happen to much younger parents, too, do not forget.

I forget nothing. Memories are all I have.

I felt it was important for someone to post first person on the topic many have opinions about. I've walked the walk. The odds of older parents dying before a child becomes an adult are significantly higher than those of younger parents. I feel that many older parents, in their desire to have a/another baby, minimize the risk. I'm just saying, be clear eyed in the decision. Not every stage of life is meant for every option.

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 15, 2004

Hey now, where do you see I "assumed" anything? You know what, this is SOnot worth it.

I am leaving this thread.

I refuse to get into a tit- for -tat argument with anyone.. Just remember, we all have differing perspectives and being judgmental does NOT bridge those gaps any. I was trying to reach out to you, but I see that failed. Never mind then. We agree to disagree here. Good day.

Trauma Columnist · Nov 15, 2004

We all have the right to gently disagree with each other. This can be a volatile subject and when you throw in everyone's past experiences, it can blow up in our faces. However, I think we can consider that others have differing viewpoints and do it respectfully. Thanks for sharing everyone.

allnurses Guide · Nov 15, 2004

I still have some qualms about 50-something women trying to get pregnant on purpose to be honest. But I still don't think we can make blanket statements about older parents. Life expectancy has expanded and most folks live into their "golden years" busy and pretty darn healthy. People don't retire to their rocking chairs anymore.

A good friend lost her husband when her kids were in junior high from an airplane crash. My step-father died when I was in 8th grade from a brain aneurysm. There are no guarantees. You could surround yourself with a bubble, not go to work for fear of having a car accident, not join the military for fear of dying, not take a walk in your neighborhood for fear of getting hit by a bus, stay out of airplanes for fear of crashes, etc., . . . I just don't think you can live your life like that. Life is full of risks. And it is worth it.

And just because your parents are alive doesn't necessarily mean you will be close to them. I'm estranged from my mom and rarely see my biological dad.

I'll be 63 when my toddler is 20. My oldest will be 36. Yeah, it sounds weird but we wouldn't change it for the world.

I am determined to stay as healthy as I can but you can't fight genetics. Sometimes I really think cancer may be wired into us due to our genetic heritage. Even so, I have never smoked cigarettes. (both parents smoke though - I hated it). I exercise. I have occasional glasses of wine.

My husband and I were caught by surprise, had mutual nervous breakdowns, our kids were appalled that we were having a baby (OUR PARENTS HAVE SEX - YUCK) . . . .But after all that when we laid eyes on our little guy we fell in love.

Regarding Marla's fear of nighttime feedings . ..well, we co-sleep and as soon as Dan would start to awaken in went the "mommy milk" and he nursed himself back to sleep so we weren't that sleep deprived. I also went back to work part-time. I have great support from my in-laws regarding babysitting. My kids love their brother.

It is all good.

steph

Mulan · Nov 15, 2004

What was that old butter commercial? "It's not nice to fool with mother nature."

I think there's a big difference between becoming pregnant naturally at an older age and using IVF after you're too old to conceive.

I think nature has it right.

Quickbeam, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2004

I have edited my last response to remove any opinion or conjecture.

It is often an orphan's lot in life to have their experience compared to that of others. It is a very unique challenge. Most of us have heard a million times "oh, I know how you feel. My parents were divorced!". Or something similar. It simply isn't the same.

Because we were kicking the tires on the aging mom issue, I thought I brought something vital and different to the discussion. I guess I am just the worst case scenario that most people hope won't happen to them. I hope it doesn't as well.