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Old Ladies Having Babies

Posted

Well, we'll just ignore my earlier thread about my missed period last week while on the pill and pretend I'm writing with an interest in the 50-something women in the news recently. The 57 yo who had twins via IVF and the even older woman in Georgia who claims a natural twin pg from hubby who had a vas years ago :chuckle

How DO older (well not THAT) old women do? Not that I'm scared or anything, I mean how could I possible get pg at my age on the pill when I only passed dh in the night once all month? :uhoh21:

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych. Has 20 years experience.

I can't even imagine being pregnant at my age, let alone if I had another decade on me!! And why ever would anyone even want to be?? I'm ready for grandchildren.....my poor old body would NOT do well if it had to nurture a new life at this point, and I would hate to put it through the postpartum depression and 2 AM feedings routine again! Plus, it would hardly be fair to give birth to a child who's going to be graduating from college at the approximate time that my sorry butt gets carried over the nursing-home threshhold.

Not for me, thank you very much. Having babies at 50+ just begs the question, "Just because it CAN be done......SHOULD it?" :uhoh21:

I agree with

"Just because it CAN be done......SHOULD it?"

it's not the older mothers i would feel sorry for but the kids. imagine the kid who's mom and father (no one ever mentioned how old these men are, which is equally wrong) who's parents are that old. they are too old to run and play, through a football...

i think there is an age where it is too old thin of it this way a 50 year old has a kid, when the kid is 20 the mom is 70, if she survives. and to be that young and possibly haveing to handle an ailing parent would be very difficult.

live4today, RN

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.

i say to each her own. i had an aunt who learned she was pregnant in her early fifties (twenty years after her fourth child), and that baby girl was fine, and had many years left with her parents before they both died. :)

when i lived in southern california, there was an asian couple on the news who had a toddler....no borrowed eggs, either. it is their own genetic baby created the natural normal way, and they were in their sixties. they both looked in fantastic shape. :)

i am fifty-two, and if i could get pregnant at my age, i would. we need to get rid of the stigmatism that is only associated with women having children in their later years. if men can do it, why shouldn't the woman. it may not be right for everyone in their fifties, but it is right for some. live and let live! :) heck, we're not the ones who have to get up with the baby at night, change its' diaper, etc. :p

I am 33 and to me I am too old for any more kids. My last pg was just too hard (and he is 14 mos). Can't imagine putting this body through it at 50+. Kids should be in college and I should be sitting on the porch with some sort of alcoholic drink in my coffee at that age. Or just a nice drink in a coffee cup so it only looks like I am drinking coffee, :rotfl:

It is different for men. At least in my house. It wouldn't matter if hubby was 80. He doesn't have to carry and birth the babe. And he still wouldn't do S$!# inside the house :uhoh3: Great financial provider but housework, kidwork no way. Only fun stuff for Daddy. I personally think women who have babies past 50 are crazy. I think I would have a meltdown if I got pg past 40 (or right now for that matter.) But to each their own.

meownsmile, BSN, RN

Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho.

I'm not really what I consider old, but am dealing with tweens/teens right now. I loved being preg, but frankly i'll leave the late life babies to those who think they can, or do. Leave me and my bladder in peace!!!!;)

Why is it that we arent seeing the media show outrage at our babies having babies...you know, the 14 yr olds who come in having their first...or 18 yr olds on their 3rd....

i think the vast majority of those babes born to older mom's are desperately wanted and will be showered with love...

wish i could say the same for the later...

seems like our societies energy is focused in the wrong direction....

SmilingBluEyes

Has 26 years experience.

Why is it that we arent seeing the media show outrage at our babies having babies...you know, the 14 yr olds who come in having their first...or 18 yr olds on their 3rd....

i think the vast majority of those babes born to older mom's are desperately wanted and will be showered with love...

wish i could say the same for the later...

seems like our societies energy is focused in the wrong direction....

Indeed!

:idea:

i guess my issue would be that the kids of those 50-60 yr old will have an 80 yr old parent to take care of when they graduate high school. I know that my 20's (i just turned 28) have been a wondeerful exciting scary an sometimes stressful journey and i don't know what i would have done without my parents and family. financially im no in a position to take care of a parent fully if need be and my daughter loves that her grandma and papa can run and play with her still. THis is why it wouldn't be my choice.

i guess my issue would be that the kids of those 50-60 yr old will have an 80 yr old parent to take care of when they graduate high school. I know that my 20's (i just turned 28) have been a wondeerful exciting scary an sometimes stressful journey and i don't know what i would have done without my parents and family. financially im no in a position to take care of a parent fully if need be and my daughter loves that her grandma and papa can run and play with her still. THis is why it wouldn't be my choice.
I've seen many a teenager/twenty-something taking care of their parents who are in severely ill health in their 40's and 50's. These "younger" parents LOOK like they are in their 80's and 90's already, either due to abusing their own bodies or unfortunate unavoidable chronic illness.

Parents are like a box 'o chocolates: Ya never know what you're gonna get.

...and you deal with the cards you are dealt.

More power to the gal who just had her twins in New York.

I'm 31 and haven't had any yet...although we've been trying for two years.

As most of you know, I had an unplanned pregnancy at 43 and adore my 3 year old but for awhile there my husband and I were pretty scared. I had the same thoughts Marla wrote about. How could I do this again?

Well, you just do it. It has all turned out well. We have a great and loving and very funny 3 year old son. Our other kids are 21, 19 and 15.

My father-in-law and mother-in-law watch him the two days I work. My mil is 76 and has a huge flower garden that she takes care of herself and my son loves to help; she also can's all her own veggies and fruits, cleans her own house, walks every day, volunteers at our local hospital, helps out at church with the little kids and chases my son around. My fil is 81 and is also very active in gardening, working at the church with the landscaping and mowing, giving his grandson tractor rides, etc. . ...

I don't think we can make blanket statements.

steph

Well, What an appropriate topic!!! I agree with the poster that said we should very well be worried about the young ill-equipped girls having babies. rather than the offspring of older couples who generally wanted and well provided for (once the shock wears off) :rotfl: I can think of two such cases around here, one was a late 40s lady who remarried after having children young and was a grandma, Surprise! A honeymoon baby. She went to the OB and was like "I cant believe we are having this conversation" He told her "oh I see them your age all the time". The other was a couple from church: Dh was years past vas and both girls out of high school, both greyheaded, midlife surprise.

The flip side is this: the sandwich generation. I am in my 30s, fighting the IF battle, and now we have the news from the Doc that my mother d/t her health issues may not be able to live alone any longer. Either she goes to LTC or stays with me. So, I may be dealing with an infant and elderly parent all at once!!!!

Laura

I can't even imagine being pregnant at my age, let alone if I had another decade on me!! And why ever would anyone even want to be?? I'm ready for grandchildren.....my poor old body would NOT do well if it had to nurture a new life at this point, and I would hate to put it through the postpartum depression and 2 AM feedings routine again! Plus, it would hardly be fair to give birth to a child who's going to be graduating from college at the approximate time that my sorry butt gets carried over the nursing-home threshhold.

Not for me, thank you very much. Having babies at 50+ just begs the question, "Just because it CAN be done......SHOULD it?" :uhoh21:

I am a believier that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that God does not give you things that you cannot handle. I dont think things like this just happen. Also I have seen some good young mothers and some good older mothers. Just like the only child question, " You need to have another baby so she will have someone to play with". Excuse me last time I checked that is my decision and ultimately Gods, I personally do not want another child, I am 26 and happy with my life, but I also feel if God wants me to have another child then no matter what I do to try to prevent it I will have another child. Just my belief.

Moms having babies in their fifties is testimony to how strong that desire to bear children is. For those of us who have been unable to conceive, the pain is still inside, never really gone. When I see a young pregnant mom sit next to me in church, I still get weepy at my age of fifty two.

Yeah, I would be happy to get pregnant but I don't wish it anymore. I don't really think I would want to go through the sleepless nights. We have been blessed with an adoption, our ten year keeps me young and is the best thing about my life.

I wonder for those people who say "we wanted four children" and they have them how very fortunate they were -to be able to do that. That makes me weepy too.

And there are no guarantees in life. I know quite a few kids who lost their parents at a young age-parents who had children in their twenties. I know of one young dad that died from complications of routine surgery. Be happy for the older moms.

SmilingBluEyes

Has 26 years experience.

I am saddened when I see judgement passed on this lady. I can see, why on the surface, this may be seen as selfish or wrong. But I have a differing perspective.

I have experienced quite a few pregnancy losses, most of you know--- and I consider myself fortunate to have the two I have. As I get older, I would still love to have one more baby, but it may not be in the cards. 4 lost in 2 years does not look promising----and yet, I still yearn. Does that make me selfish? Maybe.....

But remember, we all do not know each situation intimately. This " old lady" may have a huge network of support in family and friends to help raising the kids and see to their needs. What makes a family? Just a young mom and dad and 2 kids? Yes, this situation is rather unorthodox and different, but not necessarily an unhealthy situation for her kids! I guess that is what it comes down to. This lady may not have the "ideal" situation set up---being older, and I believe, single, but maybe she has plans/a contingency set up---- should she be disabled or unable to raise her kids as times goes by. Usually the older we are, the more mature and realistic we become. I am sure she has at least given SOME thought to what could happen.

Now, how many younger parents even BOTHER with a will or medical/other powers of attorney to cover death or disability? How many of us know with certainty what would happen to our kids if we became disabled or died? You don't need to have parents in their 60s or 70s to experience these misfortunes, esp, if your parents are in what are more "dangerous" career fields, such as military or even nursing.

So should we, based on that logic, just say it's wrong for military families to have kids? After all, a parent, or both, may come home disabled or die at war. I mean, come on. Where do we draw the line?

What is right for me, may not be for you. Someone said "live and let live" . I think we all could use a little more of that and a wee bit less judgementalism. Some may judge me harshly for my desire to raise one more child "at my age", but that does not in and of itself make me wrong, does it? At least any baby I bring home would be loved, cared-for, nurtured by his/her family and never go without the needs and discipline he or she would require to thrive! That is something, I think.

Quickbeam, BSN, RN

Specializes in Government.

I have a very different take on this topic but I believe it is important to add. I was the child of older parents. I was an orphan by age 17 as both died of cancer. I loved them both but am forever formed by having lost them both so young. Try arranging funerals as a teenager. Putting yourself through college with no parents. Buying your first home and getting married with no parents. It blows. I've survived and I'm very strong but I would never advise someone to have children older. It seems very selfish to me.

SmilingBluEyes

Has 26 years experience.

I will not belittle your situation, quickbeam. It must have been so hard to be in your shoes, and you sound like an amazing person to me. :)

But remember, It (death or disability) can happen to much younger parents, too, do not forget. And if a person parents at an older age, he/she should set up a good support system for their kids.....matter of fact we ALL should. If I and my dh died-tomorrow, our kids would be WELL looked-after by any number of good and loving family members on his side---would it be ideal? No! But it would be better off than many others of us had it.

My parents were young... (18) when they had me. However, young they were, I FELT orphaned at 18 when they kicked me out and disowned me. Talk about struggling and being alone. I joined the military, I guess to belong "somewhere"--- and found myself 1200 miles from everyone and everything I knew, in one room with 25 other women from all over the country and even some distant parts of the world. I spent my 19th Christmas alone in the barracks at my first duty station, not knowing anyone well enough to have Christmas dinner with, other than in the chowhall. Point is, I made my way somehow, as you did yours. We struggled, but triumphed. Is my situation as bad as yours? I wont' compare, but let's just say we made it and are stronger for it.

I guess we all have our situations that gave us grief. I would much rather see a baby born to an older mom who WANTS her, than one born to an 18 year old who sees her as nothing but an impediment to her "real life" , like mine did. A mom who has since decided "she put in her time" and virtually ignores her 3 kids and grandchildren today, even though she is STILL young! (less than 60)

Have a good day everyone.

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych. Has 20 years experience.

That's pretty much where I was coming from.......I had older parents and lost them both by the time I was 30. Then I had my last 2 kids in my 30s, and even though I was a better mother to them than to my first two, it was definitely harder on me physically.

The other thing is, I cannot imagine putting MY almost forty-six-year-old body through pregnancy and everything that follows it........my bladder's pretty much shot from 5 pregnancies as it is, my pelvic area aches continually from the pressure of a prolapsed and enlarged uterus, and I'm too darned tired from my nocturnal perimenopausal symptoms to be dealing with an infant all night and then going to work all day. That's just me, though........if some other older woman can handle it physically and mentally, then more power to her. :p

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