Nurses on Match.Com

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As many of you already know, my ex has readily replaced me with another woman and had a baby with her.  Unfortunately, I waited too long to reach out to him after we broke up, so he is no longer an option.  It's frustrating hearing him talk with their new baby as he is clearly a good father.  Regardless, these are the unfortunate circumstances.

Therefore, I was looking at possibly joining Match.com or some other website as an option to see if someone else might be of interest.  

What I am wondering is if there are any professional issues with joining any of these websites? For example, would employers view me as less than desirable for having a profile? Could this hinder my chances of landing another job? 

Anyone have experience with these websites or have been impacted professionally, as a nurse, due to using one? 

Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
6 minutes ago, LikeTheDeadSea said:

As someone who has been on every dating app over the last few years, I wouldn't worry about it professionally.

I signed up for Match recently and within 15 minutes regretted paying the $100 for 3 months.  Over half the people I was seeing on it in my age range I have already seen/ignored/spoken to on FREE apps like Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, etc.   It's been a couple weeks, and think that the quality of people on it are no better than on the other apps. (I was hoping for people with a more 'serious dating' mindset because of the $$$ wall.)

There is a website called Elite Singles where you have to have a certain level of income and education and pay for it. One of my doctor friends tried it but found it kind of snobby. She is Mexican and from a low income background and found it was mostly wealthy white men who were interested in her but didn't seem to care much about learning about her culture and her experience as a minority woman. Just her experience though, maybe others have had success. 

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
19 hours ago, Curious1997 said:

You older more experienced folks have a duty to advise us younger people how to proceed ! 

Back in the early days of the AIDS scare, I requested that a young lady who voiced her desires to be intimate with me have labs drawn.

She did, so we did.

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1 hour ago, Davey Do said:

Back in the early days of the AIDS scare, I requested that a young lady who voiced her desires to be intimate with me have labs drawn.

She did, so we did.

Wait a sec, I thought you was the artist ????? Was it in water color or oils ??????? 

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Specializes in Critical Care.

There is nothing wrong with internet dating sites, but  be aware they don't always do a good job screening people with criminal records.  When you date someone new make sure you meet in a public place and let your family know where and who you are with.  Also always watch your drink ie don't leave it while you go to BRP to freshen up.  If you are getting serious with someone I think it is a good idea to do a background check on them.  There are many sites you can sign up for a monthly plan or PRN just as needed.  It will give you knowledge if they are married or in trouble with the law.  Just think if you had done a search on your ex you would have found out that he was divorced.  Scott Reisch of Crime Talk You tube videos even has one that offers a discount.  In this day and age I think it is a good idea when you are dating.  Also his videos are very interesting as he explains things from a legal standpoint for cases in the news.

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Specializes in Critical Care.
On 4/3/2021 at 6:34 PM, SilverBells said:

As many of you already know, my ex has readily replaced me with another woman and had a baby with her.  Unfortunately, I waited too long to reach out to him after we broke up, so he is no longer an option.  It's frustrating hearing him talk with their new baby as he is clearly a good father.  Regardless, these are the unfortunate circumstances.

Therefore, I was looking at possibly joining Match.com or some other website as an option to see if someone else might be of interest.  

 

Curious why you frame it as he replaced you.  You said it was a mutual decision to end the relationship.

On the one hand I think dating will help you get over him, but don't rush into anything and do a background check first before getting serious.  Also maintain your therapy to help you stay on an even keel.

I'm afraid your low self esteem and fear of rejection and abandonment issues will make you needy and willing to settle for the first man that gives you attention. Please be cautious.

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
On 4/9/2021 at 1:24 PM, brandy1017 said:

Curious why you frame it as he replaced you.  You said it was a mutual decision to end the relationship.

On the one hand I think dating will help you get over him, but don't rush into anything and do a background check first before getting serious.  Also maintain your therapy to help you stay on an even keel.

I'm afraid your low self esteem and fear of rejection and abandonment issues will make you needy and willing to settle for the first man that gives you attention. Please be cautious.

It's funny that you mention this.  I've long held the thought that I will marry the first person who proposes.  Frankly, I don't anticipate many, if any, people being interested, so if someone does, I should feel honored.   I'm just not someone who can afford to be too picky.  Probably not the best way to look at things, but sometimes you must be realistic about yourself and your position in life 

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Specializes in Critical Care.
7 hours ago, SilverBells said:

It's funny that you mention this.  I've long held the thought that I will marry the first person who proposes.  Frankly, I don't anticipate many, if any, people being interested, so if someone does, I should feel honored.   I'm just not someone who can afford to be too picky.  Probably not the best way to look at things, but sometimes you must be realistic about yourself and your position in life 

You have to have some standards.  You don't want to end up with someone who will break your heart or abuse you.   I've witnessed many coworkers in bad relationships, some abusive, some cheaters, and many deadbeats who don't work.   I would never put up with the stuff that I see others do.  It sounds like you are heading for a bad relationship if you aren't going to be the least bit selective!  You still haven't mentioned how you got such a strong inferiority complex that appears to drive your every move.  That is very sad.

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Specializes in Quality Control,Long Term Care, Psych, UM, CM.

Well, if anyone at works knows you're on a dating site, that means they are on it too!  There's no way to see someone's dating profile unless the other person is also on the site.

If you want to try online dating, I recommend Eharmony.  It's where I met my now husband, the greatest man in the world.  It's somewhat expensive, and you still have to weed out men who aren't serious, but imo it's a great site.  Even most of the other men I met (before meeting my husband), were nice guys, we just didn't click but they were actually decent.

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Specializes in Peds ED.
On 4/8/2021 at 2:35 PM, LibraNurse27 said:

@Curious1997, I met my partner online, and one tip I have for you is to quickly transition from online messaging/texting to in person meet up or at least phone call. People can seem totally different when there is not verbal communication involved, and you may be disappointed if you invest a lot of time and energy texting and then don't click in real life.

One experience I found common was people would be equally curious about me as I was about them on text, maybe because it's weird to send a bunch of texts about yourself in a row, but in person talk nonstop about themselves and not show any interest in me. People love to talk about themselves, and being a good listener is a quality people like, but it's also important to find someone who actually cares about you and what you have going on = ) Check out the show Catfish for examples of online romances gone wrong!

I agree to transition to phone or in person quickly- I had some long term texting situations and when we met up in person there simply wasn’t the same Chemistry that there was by text. My COVID dates have been meeting up outside somewhere to walk and chat while wearing masks. We can see each other in person, see how our vibe is, and decide if we want to keep meeting up or talk about joining COVID bubbles or realize that it’s just not going to work. 

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Let me give you a warning. Men love nurses. They see us as  substitute moms.  Some guys have trouble succeeding in life, and they look at a nurse and think, oh, she's smart, and educated, and she has a steady job, we'll get married then she can support me. So beware of helpless types that can't seem to support themselves. I'm not saying don't date, I'm saying have standards. 

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Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
35 minutes ago, soontoretire2020 said:

Let me give you a warning. Men love nurses. They see us as  substitute moms.  Some guys have trouble succeeding in life, and they look at a nurse and think, oh, she's smart, and educated, and she has a steady job, we'll get married then she can support me. So beware of helpless types that can't seem to support themselves. I'm not saying don't date, I'm saying have standards. 

Interesting that you bring that up, as far as men liking nurses.  I wonder if my ex may be one of those people you are describing.  Obviously, I'm a nurse, and his new partner is a nurse as well.  Maybe it's just a coincidence that he's dated two nurses in a row, but he definitely has had trouble succeeding in life.  He never went to college and he's never done anything to promote himself.  Even when we were working together, he always turned down the opportunity to learn something new or to take on a new role.  As someone that enjoys learning, this always drove me nuts.  Not saying that he wanted to take advantage of me, but it wouldn't have surprised me if I would have been responsible for being the primary supporter of both of us.  It also wouldn't shock me if his new partner is also doing most of the work and paying most of the bills. I've listened to how he talks to his baby, and I think he'll be or already is a good dad, but I'm not sure how much of a partner is.  Close family had actually discouraged me from continuing a relationship with him for those reasons.  

With that said, holding too many high standards could be problematic in that it could mean waiting a long time to find a good match or not finding one at all.  If I do hope to date and get married, I'm sure there will have to be some give and take.  After all, I can't just pick anyone and expect him to choose me as well.  The interest must be mutual and sometimes that takes time. 

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Silver Bells, As nurses,  because of our jobs, we learn to be fixers, we see a problem and we try to fix it. So we meet a guy, who has issues, and we think "I can fix that". But we can't. People can't fix other people. So the nurse spends years trying to fix the partner before she realizes that won't happen. So she gets a divorce, and looks for another fixer upper. We need to realize that we deserve more.

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