DaniannaRN

I noticed that too. Sometimes people don't really want a solution to their problems. They would rather shoot down every single suggestion because of -insert issue here- instead of trying to find workarounds. There are always ways to fix an issue, you just have to be willing to put in the work. OP, I also wish you lots of success in your personal and professional life. And hopefully things work out for you.

Hi OP, first of all congrats on your pregnancy! IMO, it is one of the best things to be a mom! Your life will definitely change, for the better. I don't live in such a small town like you do, but I feel what you're saying. Are there any residential psych companies near you? I mean group homes/supported apartments/day programs? I used to work in that setting and it was awesome. No weekends and it was 8a-4p with lots of flexibility for my kids. I currently work for an insurance company. You don't need to live near them, you can be anywhere as long as you have a valid license in that state or a compact license. I'm in NJ and recently took a job in Texas. I also have a job in NY. I am a big advocate of insurance companies. It's all M-F, 9-5, no holidays, no weekends, fully work from home, flexible time to handle family obligations. There are so many positions you can take in the insurance industry, including psych. You can also be an NP there, but I'm not too sure of their roles. If you don't already have a compact license, look into it. It was one of the best things I did as it opened up jobs in about 40 states (and more states are being added). I don't get the impression your fiance is a "my way or the highway" type. I get what you're trying to say about his job/benefits. However, and I hope you don't mind me giving you some personal advice, I would strongly recommend getting married asap. My husband and I did a small inexpensive ceremony, the total cost was about $300. We only had our kids (from prior marriages) and our best friends there. You can always renew your vows later on and do a huge wedding. That way, you can be covered under his benefits and you won't have to worry about that. It also gives you and your baby legal protection for anything that may occur. Also, it may be better to save the money you would've spent on a large wedding. If someone doesn't like your decision to have a small wedding, that's their problem, not yours. It's up to you and your fiance only. Good luck to you OP!

OP, I haven't read the responses here so I'm not sure if anyone suggested this already, but have you ever considered working for an insurance company? I left bedside many years ago and have been in the managed care industry for about 12 years now. There are many things you can do-you can do complex care case management (good if you have hospital experience), you can be a field nurse who assesses patients for home care services, you can do utilization management. Currently, I work in a quality dept-I review doctor charts for accuracy and to make sure they do what they're supposed to do. Jobs at insurance companies are either fully work from home or hybrid. They are usually Monday-Friday 9a-5p, no holidays/no evenings/no weekends/no waiting for relief to come in. Unless you're a field nurse, it's a computer job and you still get to be a nurse. Oh, and the pay is good. I'm in the NYC metro area and we make as much or more than nurses that work in hospitals....with only 0.000001% of the stress. Contrary to some people's belief, those of us who work at insurance companies don't block or deny patients' access to care. Actually, the case management dept (especially) will argue and go back and forth with providers and DME vendors to make sure the patient gets the care they deserve. The CMs will help patients get bus passes or medicaid taxi. They will teach newly diabetic or new MI patients on what is good/not good to do. There are so many ways you can still be a patient advocate without the stress and burnout of direct care. I wanted to leave nursing too until I started working for an insurance company. I always tell nurses about insurance companies. They ain't perfect of course, but you will at least be working from home and have time for your family.

As a patient in the hospital four times (for childbirth), I can assure you that you would not get any rest. I had a bp cuff on that took my bp every 10 minutes--all night and all day. I had q2h blood draws around the clock. My IV was beeping all the time. I was so tired and couldn't wait to get home. Also, as someone who has felt the way you felt in the past, please get professional help. I know firsthand how it feels to think death is the only way out. I've also seen the pain caused by someone who kills themselves--their family and friends had such immense pain. Depression is a horrible thing and will only get worse if you don't seek help. Don't be embarrassed to admit that you're depressed. Don't be embarrassed to see a psychiatrist/therapist. If anyone tries to shame you or tell you it's not that bad, cut them out of your life because they're not a good person. Do it for your child if you feel like you don't have the strength to do it for yourself. I did it for my kids because they need a mom who can give her all to them. Your child will notice something is off as they get older. Please seek help today. There are places that have sliding fee scales if you cannot afford mental help.

I don't have advice but I just want to say I'm sorry that happened to you. I have a side job as a contact tracer in my state (been doing it for 2 years already) and we do the exposure notifications. We would never expect an employer to notify its employees, especially in your case where there's only 1 person (you) who could've tested positive. An employer can call us and we would call anyone who has been in contact with the infected person to protect their privacy. We don't even say where the person got exposed, we simply tell them that they've been exposed in the past 14 days and should monitor their symptoms. That's how it should be all over. Sometimes, when I call someone and let them know they were exposed, they get really angry and want to find out who it was. Sometimes they threaten to beat the person up who they think exposed them. For that reason alone, your employer should not have done the notification and let the health dept in your state do it. You never know how someone will react. At this point, my suggestion would be to get out of there, unless there's some reason why you must stay. And you're right, if it were any other contagious disease, the family would not have known. But with covid, it's like all privacy goes out the window. There really needs to be a balance between protecting the public from covid and protecting the person who is positive.

If you don't want to do hand on nursing anymore, apply at insurance companies. I work for one now, and have for the past 12 or so years. All positions are Mon-Fri, 9a-5p, no weekends, no holidays, FULLY REMOTE (or hybrid), optional OT (you're not penalized if you say no). I am the biggest advocate of insurance companies. They have their issues too, but at least you're working from home. You can do case management at the insurance company. Your hospital/clinical experience will be a huge asset since you'll be helping people with chronic conditions stay out of the hospital. Or you can be a field nurse for the insurance company, going to people's homes and assessing what home services they need prior to authorization. You can even be an "embedded case manager" at a hospital, processing any patients who come to the ER that have your insurance. I got out of hands on nursing years ago and never looked back. If you have a family, or even if you're tired of the nonsense in the hospitals/nursing homes, look at any health insurance company, even if it's not in your area since most are remote. Good luck.

Do you have to do the entire year for any reason, or is it just because they told you in school that you must do a year? They always tell students that but it's not true (in my experience). My very first job out of school was in a hospital, and it was horrible. I lasted only 3 months then went into LTC, then moved on to residential psych. Life is too short to be miserable and stressed at a job. If you're not happy and if there's no real reason why you need to do an entire year, my suggestion is to just get out of there. There are plenty of jobs that will hire you if you are a new nurse and don't have much hands on experience. Try LTC, group home agencies (psych and developmentally disabled), even many hospice agencies will hire a new nurse. Don't spend another minute being so stressed at work. They don't care about you, so you must care about yourself.

I think it's best to consult with a lawyer. Even if someone here can give you an answer, it may not be accurate because of the state you're in or any other factor. Start with your academic advisor, they should be able to give you the best advice regarding school. Or speak to a professor that you really like/trust. Do you have to carry malpractice insurance as a nursing student? I did back when I was one, and the company I used had attorneys there as well for an extra fee. Perhaps you can consult with one of them. Good luck to you.

When I was in nursing school about 20 years ago, they told us the same thing about not having a social life. But I found that statement to not be entirely true. Everyone is vastly different. Person A may need 10 hours to study/learn the lessons while person B may need 2 hours for the same thing. It depends on how you learn concepts, retain info, and manage your time. Many of my classmates (including me) did work fulltime jobs during nursing school. I worked in a group home where I was able to study after the residents went to sleep. We were able to have a social life, mostly consisting of about 5 of us hanging out at a book store or someone's house, having fun, and studying at the same time. I also allotted some time during each week to hang out with my non-nursing/outside of school friends. Personally, I think that it's healthy to take a bit of time each week for you. You don't want to get sidetracked from school work, but IMO it's better for your mental health to not always be in "nursing school mode". Budget a few hours each week (4 hrs for example) to do something you like that's not related to school-either hang out with some friends or do something by yourself. But just make sure you stick to it, treat it like a financial budget...you wouldn't spend more than you can afford, so don't spend more hours than you can afford. Nursing school is only temporary, and soon you will have much of your free time back.

When he says things like this "I know im just the worst. Im a terrible person!” that's just another tactic to get you to stop talking about your problems and to focus on reassuring him. Do you get into the "oh no you're not terrible" convo with him? If so, stop it. Also, if he's very difficult to talk to or have serious discussions with him, you two probably really need couples counseling before you get married. If you can't discuss this with him, how will you talk to him about anything else? What if he starts letting his friends or family disrespect you, or he changes his mind on having kids (for example)? Or worst of all (IMO), he starts making serious decisions without your input or spending "his" money without consulting with you? I'm not telling you to leave him. I'm just saying that you should tell him that ya'll need couples counseling before you get married. Tell him your relationship depends on it. If he says no, or stalls, there's your answer on how serious he is. He told you if you loved him you would power thru your fatigue, right? Well, tell him if he loved you he will go to couples counseling right away. Don't let him flip it on you or try to deflect by telling you all the things you've done wrong. I only know about this because my first husband was physically and mentally abusive to me. And he started out just like your fiance. I'm not saying your fiance is/will be abusive, I'm just saying that's how my ex started out. I couldn't talk to him, I was always apologizing for doing things (like working), he would do something small then throw it up in my face for months. I couldn't tell him anything was bothering me. After we got married, he escalated to verbal/physical abuse, making major financial decisions without consulting me, lending money to his friends. If I would have nipped his behavior early on, before we were married, I either would not have married him or at least wouldn't have been abused. People will show you a glimpse of who they are before you marry them. Believe them when they do that and don't try to explain it away or make excuses for that behavior. People who act like this before you're even married will only get worse after since they already got you and in their mind, you can't go anywhere. I'm not trying to make this a lecture or anything, it's just that I never want anyone to make a mistake and marry the wrong person. You should be able to talk to your partner about anything and they should be able to hear you out, without whining or deflecting or trying to make you reassure them. Good luck and don't let anyone do these subtle manipulation tactics. You can PM me if you're not sure about something he's doing, if it's abusive or not.

TBH, your fiance sounds exhausting. Of course you know him better than we do, but from what you're saying here, he sounds needy and whiney. Were you already a nurse when he met you? He needs to realize that you also need to work and can't just leave early because it's his bday. He's (presumably) an adult and sometimes adults cannot celebrate their bday on the actual day. Do you make more than him? My ex husband was similar to what you describe in your fiance. The main issue was that my ex was angry that I made a lot more than him (which didn't bother me at all, we were married so it's joint money). My current husband is very supportive of my job and if I have to do OT. If I succeed at work, the family succeeds. That's how your fiance should be looking at it too. He was correct to point out that you were always stressed in your prior job. However, this concerns me: "He said he didn’t care I had to work late but I should power through it because that’s what you do when you love someone." He's incorrect with that, and manipulative people usually say things like that (not saying he is, I don't know him). If you love someone, you understand that sometimes they had a tiring day at work and need to rest. How is he with you? Does he practice what he's lecturing you about? Would he "power through" his extreme fatigue to go out to dinner? Even if he would, it doesn't mean you have to. He works from home. I do too so I'm well aware it's nothing like having to commute/be on your feet/deal with people all day. Life is a balancing act. Family always comes first, but your fiance needs to chill out and stop putting pressure on you. You said you feel less stressed in this job, so that's great. It's time for a serious talk with him. You should also compromise on your end and take some time for him, make him feel wanted/needed. Both of you can take a week off and do something together. But let him know that the guilting/whining/etc needs to stop. Tell him that you appreciate him caring about your stress levels, but he's not helping by whining about his bday or telling you to power thru your fatigue. He's not your child, he's your adult fiance and should be able to come up with solutions. Don't feel pressured to quit or alter your hours if you are less stressed with these hours. Finally, please pay attention to his other behaviors regarding your job and success at work. IMO, it's just not normal behavior to be constantly hurt and making someone apologize "profusely" for having to work. You only need to apologize once (if at all). He doesn't need to accept your apology, but he needs to stop the pouting.

It's just horrible how someone can make up accusations about a healthcare worker and we are guilty until proven innocent. I wish I knew a solution to this problem, it's something we all have to fight for as this falls under better working conditions (IMO). I understand there are bad healthcare workers, but most of us are good and it's ridiculous how one lie can ruin you. Consult with an attorney, many offer free/low cost consultations. Even if you don't have the money, try to find enough to retain one if you think you'll be reported to the BON. Also, look for another job, anything out of direct care is great (insurance companies, hospice CM, admission nurse for home care). I've never been accused of anything, but I've seen colleagues go thru it and it's one of the reasons why I'm no longer in that setting. I simply don't have the money/time/mental energy to defend myself against bitter/angry/lying family (and patients).

OP, since you said you are young, I'm guessing they are doing this because of your age. They (most likely) wouldn't try that nonsense with an older/more experienced nurse. And never tell anyone at work your personal business unless you need a reasonable accommodation from HR for a disability or need to take FMLA. They will try to talk around whatever you tell them and "help" you find ways to still do extra shifts. Just simply say "I can't work extra shifts right now". Keep repeating that. When they ask you why not, just say "I'm not able to right now". Don't let anyone bully you into working extra if you don't want to. And don't feel like you need to explain your personal circumstances to a manager or coworkers. Start pulling back on what you tell them, they're not your friends. When I first became an RN at 24 years old, the place I worked tried that crap with me, just didn't write it in my eval. They told me I wasn't a team player because I didn't do OT and I didn't do happy hours (!!) with the staff. Luckily, I never took that BS from managers and shut it down real quick. At the time, I was a single mom to a 4 month old and no support at all from anyone so I could only work my scheduled shifts and go home. But I didn't tell them that, it's not their business. If you aren't able to help with with my personal problems, there's no need for me to tell you my personal problems. I know this is easier said than done, but maybe you should consider finding another job. There are jobs out there that respect work/life balance, you just have to look for them and read glassdoor reviews for anywhere you want to apply. Good luck to you and hugs to you and your mom. And always remember this: work is important of course because that's what pays the bills, but family always ALWAYS comes first. Family comes before any job.

I was about to ask about this. I've been out of bedside nursing for a very long time (thank goodness!!) so I'm not aware of the new procedures in bedside. But discussing patient A in the same room as patient B can't be OK. I would be angry if the nurses/doctors/whoever were discussing my personal health info in front of my roommate. Likewise, I don't really want to hear what's going on with my roommate. How is beside report OK? Why are no higher ups thinking about HIPAA?

That would be a good question for an attorney that specializes in this type of stuff. I live in NJ and I have a sealed adult criminal record. I never had to disclose it since it's sealed and the BON/potential employers are not able to see my record when they do a background check on me. Only if I apply for any government job I would have to disclose. As a side note and I know it's not much now way after the incidents, but I'm so sorry this happened to you. You were a victim and never should have been charged with solicitation. You should have been helped to get out of that situation instead of being charged.